#1
Hello there! Let me first introduce myself, I'm a student from Slovenia who is struggling with guitar and I have been a member of this forum for years now, but I haven't been using it much until recently when I decided to get a bit more serious with my guitar, and maybe form a band. I chose to post here to get some feedback and to get over a bit of a writers block that I am having. I've read the rules and will critique stuff, even though I don't think I have a lot of experience, I am fairly new to this. So here's one of my songs, I decided to not go with a touchy feely one for starters.

Fantasy lane

A favorite artist on repeat,
One whose songs are all upbeat.
I try to find my peace of mind,
My eyes are shut, but far from blind.

Close eyed I look towards the ceiling,
My body is flooded full of feeling.
I slowly fall under a spell,
But one stray thought could make this hell.

The universe starts to unravel,
It takes one thought and I can travel,
To any time, and any place,
Of who I am, there is no trace.

Anything that ever was,
The universe with all its laws,
Is changing at my slightest whim,
If someone lives, then I am him.

As my thoughts reach infinity,
I ponder about divinity.
It's hidden plainly for all to find,
Each holds it deep inside his mind.

My journey ends, time seemed to pass,
How much exactly is hard to guess.
Have I returned to that same place,
Or do I wear a different face?
Last edited by Inty at Jan 29, 2014,
#2
The only verse I would change is this:
"I could count my every cell".

The rest to me is amazing, I really liked it, especially the last two verses and the overall meaning (at least, how I pictured it in my mind).

I hope to read more of your lyrics
#3
What if I change it with something like "I slowly fall under a spell"? Thanks for your input! I'll post some more in a day or two (rules), and I have to critique some stuff by then, but I find it hard! Is it okay if I just post it in this thread, or should I open a new one for every song? I'll do two or three more I think, and then only post if I come up with something new, to motivate me a bit.
#4
Quote by Inty
What if I change it with something like "I slowly fall under a spell"?


In my opinion it sounds better

I'll post some more in a day or two (rules), and I have to critique some stuff by then, but I find it hard! Is it okay if I just post it in this thread, or should I open a new one for every song? I'll do two or three more I think, and then only post if I come up with something new, to motivate me a bit.


You may start a topic where you post all your lyrics, but It seems to me that most people start new threads for each song.