#1
http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/02/05/the-diarrhea-defense-woman-blames-bowel-movement-for-hit-and-run/

A 92-year-old Arizona woman cited Saturday for striking a jogger with her car has mounted what one might call a crappy defense. Persis Draper, of Oro Valley, Ariz., told police she only fled the crime scene because she had uncontrollable diarrhea.

Draper said she experienced digestion woes earlier that day, and had another episode after she hit a 43-year-old female jogger with her car. “The diarrhea started up again after the accident happened. I was going to stop, but then the diarrhea came and I didn’t stop,” Draper told the Arizona Daily Star. Draper said she returned less than 45 minutes later, but nobody was there (because they were at the hospital). Another driver witnessed the incident and followed Draper home, giving police her license plate number.

The hospital admitted the jogger with non-life-threatening injuries. Excrement violently exiting the body may not be a convincing exigent circumstance, but Draper will not face jail time for her decision. She is charged with misdemeanor and civil offenses.

Draper expressed regret about the incident, but told reporters there was nothing she could do. “I just had no choice because I’d had diarrhea,” she said.

Here’s hoping this is all a bizarre viral marketing ploy by Depends.


We all know that feel.
#2
She's 90 fuccking 2. Arizona really needs to close in on the expiration dates and make them expire way earlier. My ID expires when I'm 70 years old for godsake...
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#3
The attempts at humor in that article are grosser and more cringe inducing than a 92 year old woman with diarrhea.
#4
hit and runs
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#6
This happened where I live. I know someone who is friends with this lady. I still haven't read the article (lol) but apparently she went to the grocery store afterwards.

Quote by Nelshizzle
She's 90 fuccking 2. Arizona really needs to close in on the expiration dates and make them expire way earlier. My ID expires when I'm 70 years old for godsake...


Also this.
Last edited by slipknot5678 at Feb 8, 2014,
#7
I can't take an article seriously if it opens up with a pun.

I feel bad for the old lady... I'm not sure I'd do anything different...

*thump*
Lean out the window, "I'll BE BACK IN TWENTY, JUST HANG ON!"
This ends now, eat the goddamn beans!
#10
Quote by lolmnt
hit and runs



Oh god it's so obvious, how did we miss it?

BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#11
if the lady shits you must acquit
| (• ◡•)| (❍ᴥ❍ʋ
Last edited by Cianyx at Feb 8, 2014,
#12
Quote by Cianyx
if the lady shits you must acquit

You wouldn't be making stupid jokes if he were to diaper her actions.
This ends now, eat the goddamn beans!