#1
Now before you go on, this isn't a love song. Or a break-up song for that matter. This is a song I wrote after found some old pictures of my Dad, so its pretty personal and kind of weird for me. I'd really like someone to critique it, though. I don't want it to sound cheesy. It starts off as a really sort of dark pop/punk song I guess, and just gets heavier and heavier as it goes along. Thanks!

scrapbooks of memories now ashes in the wind
you and i were born to die alone in the end
but its okay just for today we can laugh and pretend
that we don't mind the emptiness left by long gone friends
they say scars fade and that in time all our wounds'll mend
you haven't broken me you just left me bent

please don't leave me
please don't leave me
please don't leave

my mother says that i sob in my sleep
sometimes i wake up with dry tears on my cheeks
pluck the feathers off my broken seraphs wings
and i will let you throw away all of my children's dreams
caught in precious depression by your alcoholic snare
i see your face in the mirror same dark eyes and curly hair

please don't leave me
please don't leave me
please don't leave

self proclaimed pariah lonely I stumble soul split and torn
sometimes i wish that i had never been born
its in our genes to die in misery with throats full of phlegm
conscience hollow like beer bottles you and i smile and pretend
and even though the days are dark we feign were fine alone
sitting clothed in crap on our abysmal self-loathing throne

(at this point the song builds-up)
just leave me again

(screaming)
i needed you where the **** did you go
i needed you where the **** did you go
i needed a dad instead i got Zoloft
i needed a dad instead i got Zoloft

please don't leave me
please don't leave me
please don't leave
#2
I like it. It doesn't sound cheesy to me and I can sort of relate to it since my dad left me when I was seven. Good job.
#3
Thank you, guys. I wanted to try and add some more screams i guess ill work them in somewhere.