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#1
I may be sexing a hot girl later this week and i would love to impress her. I have retired my penis and have not used it for sexing for a while. I haved sexed a girl before but none this amazing. Teach me how to penis!!
#3
So like, you know how you play Mario Kart?
It's pretty much the same thing.
Good luck to you.
There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#4
fact 1: wear aviators the whole time
fact 2: do not talk, instead nod
fact 3: wear a tux, with a bow tie
fact 4: I have some lemonade
fact 5: you're inadequate to fulfill this task, when she finds this out, give her my number
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#5
There is penis and then there is vagina.

Penis goes inside vagina.

Like this 8======D (')

All done.
#6
1. Dick goes in
2. Dick comes out
3. Repeat steps 1-2 at a moderate pace as needed.
4. Dick comes out a final time.
5. Everyone is happy.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 50-54
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 0-0
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 0-0
#8
First I would suggest you face battle her vagina, then draw your broadsword, and prepare for the final battle.
"I think, as a musician, you should practice your technique to be as good as you need to be to facilitate whatever ideas come into your head."
- Devin Townsend
#10
Quote by -Mantra-
There is penis and then there is vagina.

Penis goes inside vagina.

Like this 8======D (')

All done.

You even made the clit!

Well done!
#11
Quote by Mind_Reader7
First I would suggest you face battle her vagina, then draw your broadsword, and prepare for the final battle.

What is this face battle you speak? Is it like a shouting competition
#12
Seriously, it's not about what you do with the penis. It's about how you do before the penis really comes into play.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#13
Quote by Ablast
I may be sexing a hot girl later this week and i would love to impress her. I have retired my penis and have not used it for sexing for a while. I haved sexed a girl before but none this amazing. Teach me how to penis!!


Well first you take your penis

you remove it from your body

You spin it around in a lasso fashion, then you lasso your choice of prey.

you reel it in, re-attach penis, and smack your prey in the face and/or stomach until you blow your load into it's ass.

Optionally, pee on the leg of said prey if you want to get it pregnant.
ayy lmao
#14
the #1 BEST 100% Money Back Satisfaction Guaranteed sex tip: don't pee for 2 days before hand. It will make your penis swell up and be super pleasurable to women. It will also feel 1000 times better when you come cause you will also be peeing freely. Don't go longer than 2 days or your dick will explode
#15
Quote by Weaponized
the #1 BEST 100% Money Back Satisfaction Guaranteed sex tip: don't pee for 2 days before hand. It will make your penis swell up and be super pleasurable to women. It will also feel 1000 times better when you come cause you will also be peeing freely. Don't go longer than 2 days or your dick will explode


can confirm.

i lost my dick back in 'nam cuz of this
ayy lmao
#17
Quote by snipelfritz
Seriously, it's not about what you do with the penis. It's about how you do before the penis really comes into play.

Why speak in riddles, Penis Wizard? What doth thou mean by "what you do before the penis"
#18
Quote by Ablast
Penis Wizard

Oh yes, I'm using this.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#19
Quote by snipelfritz
Oh yes, I'm using this.


All hail ug's greatest and most powerful penis wizard

king of all things phallic
ayy lmao
#20
Grab her hair.

Call her your slvt.

Do things without permission.

Grab her hands.

Spit in her mouth.

Spit everywhere.
#25
Quote by captainsnazz
protip: you're meant to put your balls in

Do they go in the ass?
Do i just jam them in or do i put them into a cardboard tube? So many questions
Last edited by Ablast at Feb 15, 2014,
#26
Introducing, a new film biopic starring Ablast.

Return of the Cervix Pounder
Dance in the moonlight my old friend twilight


Quote by metal4eva_22
What's this about ****ing corpses? My UG senses were tingling.
#27
Quote by Nero Galon
Introducing, a new film biopic starring Ablast.

Return of the Cervix Pounder


****ing shit

Best thread of February 2014. Calling it now.
ayy lmao
#28
Is that what you kids call penis jousting nowadays ? I'd recommend chain mail to weigh the penis down. A heavy penis is a sturdy penis.

penis.
#29
Quote by the_weirdoman
Is that what you kids call penis jousting nowadays ? I'd recommend chain mail to weigh the penis down. A heavy penis is a sturdy penis.

penis.

I will keep in mind
Def: Penis:verb- to sex one.
Uses: to penis a girl, the man gave his wife penis
#30
Quote by necrosis1193
1. Dick goes in
2. Dick comes out a final time.


edited for accuracy
#31
Quote by Ablast
I will keep in mind
Def: Penis:verb- to sex one.
Uses: to penis a girl, the man gave his wife penis


Mother****er, i already invented this in depth.

Don't be trying to steal my shit.
ayy lmao
#32
Quote by chookiecookie
Mother****er, i already invented this in depth.

Don't be trying to steal my shit.

I havent stolen anything sir, to penis one is common definition
#33
Quote by Ablast
I havent stolen anything sir, to penis one is common definition


Pretty sure it was in one of your threads too mother****er.

stealing my thunder is not something i approve of.

No.

Not at all.
ayy lmao
#34
Quote by chookiecookie
Pretty sure it was in one of your threads too mother****er.

stealing my thunder is not something i approve of.

No.

Not at all.

I am sorry i stole your thunder
#35
You should go as fast as you can and cum really fast and not let her finish.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#36
Storm her castle, weilding your Excalibur. Or to be more precise, your Swiss army knife.
Harry Potter is DEAD! Ehhhhh heh heeehhhh!!!
-Voldemort
#37
Quote by theogonia777
You should go as fast as you can and cum really fast and not let her finish.

Every time
#39
Sometimes P has to prove itself and battle off Q, R, S, Š, Z, Ž, T and U before it gets to the V
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