#1
Hey guys, thought I would give this a shot. Please note that I'm not very good at writing so try not to be too hard on me. With that being said, I need your opinions whether you like or dislike it.


Unexpected Failure

I been thinkin bout you
And the hell you put me through
How I'm glad it's over
And what I'm gonna do

This life I live is a hard one
But I didn't have a clue
Never saw it comin
The start of somethin new

The unexpected failure
Unexpected pain
Knowing that it's my fault
There's no one else to blame
So I just hold my head up
To the unexpected failure

I know I had it comin
Won't let it get me down
let me tell you somethin
About a new love I've found

A Sunday mornin service
Finally opened up my eyes
The timing was so perfect
The good lord heard my cries

The unexpected failure
Unexpected pain
Knowing that it's my fault
There's no one else to blame
So I just hold my head up
To the unexpected failure

I just hold my head up

Lord I hold my head up
To the unexpected failure
#2
The 'story' of the song is, I think, actually contained in the first two lines. I'd rather know HOW the issues arose between the narrator and the object of affection than to be simply told that there have been issues.

Use words to paint a picture about how the relationship disintegrated. It's probably best to start by constructing similes - try comparing what happened / the woman / your feelings to unusual things. Be careful not to use cliches - they immediately disengage your reader / listener.

The next thing to do is think about your verbs. Actions drive narrative, so think carefully about exactly what image you want your reader to have in their head.

I hope the above is helpful.
"You can never quarantine the past."