#1
This is the first song I've ever written. I know it's not perfect and I'd love to know what I could do to improve.

"Sent to Hell to get to Heaven"

They're gone forever
Because of your fairytale
That says it's wrong
They're gone forever
Because you put them through hell
Just to get to heaven

The blood on your hands
Should leave you disgraced
You will live forever with guilt
He will never be replaced

Your hateful ways
Make living worse than hell
And now they're...

They're gone forever
Because of your fairytale
That says it's wrong
They're gone forever
Because you put them through hell
Just to get to heaven

How do you feel no regret
After spilling the blood of the innocent
All because of who they loved
All because of a book that's ancient

Your hateful ways
Make living worse than hell
And now they're...

They're gone forever
Because of your fairytale
That says it's wrong
They're gone forever
Because you put them through hell
Just to get to heaven
Last edited by Aoh legend at Feb 25, 2014,
#3
Great job.

It has nice rhythm and flows.

My only critique would be to rework the line "Can never be erased".

To me, erasing something doesn't really fit in with the rest of the concepts you have.

Maybe try something like "Is forever a stain" or "Is your fall from grace" or "and the guilt on your face"

Just my two cents!
#4
Thanks! I thought erased sounded weird, but I couldn't think of anything else at the time. Thanks for the advice.
Last edited by Aoh legend at Feb 25, 2014,
#5
l liked it bro, good job. I saw you already changed the erased thing.

To me it sounds like a generic rock song, with better lyrics then a normal generic rock song would have.
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500
#6
Quote by BjarnedeGraaf
l liked it bro, good job. I saw you already changed the erased thing.

To me it sounds like a generic rock song, with better lyrics then a normal generic rock song would have.

Thanks man.

Yeah that was sorta what I was going for.
#9
Quote by 5wFisher
good stuff. i like the whole song. keep up the good work!

Thanks man.
#11
Quote by Wojciech90
Nice, I am looking forward to heard it

Thanks, but that may be awhile because I have no recording equipment, and when you're fifteen it's a bit difficult to get, and I just recently started learning guitar so the music is going to take awhile.
#12
Wow, when I first saw at the top that this is your first song I didn't expect much but this is utterly amazing.
#13
Quote by xXxSyEdAxXx
Wow, when I first saw at the top that this is your first song I didn't expect much but this is utterly amazing.

Thanks!
#16
I'm still learning how to play guitar and I'm getting good! But some of the songs I'm trying to learn are a little bit too hard!!!😁
#17
Is it my not-religious mind or this is almost a condemnation against religions, their gods and their holy books? I'm weird... Whatever, I like this song, each verse of it. It's beautiful. Congratulations.
#18
Quote by SparaB
Is it my not-religious mind or this is almost a condemnation against religions, their gods and their holy books? I'm weird... Whatever, I like this song, each verse of it. It's beautiful. Congratulations.

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. And no you're not weird. You got the meaning.
#19
Quote by Aoh legend
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. And no you're not weird. You got the meaning.


Uh, really? It's always beautiful when you realize that you're not the only one to see things in different ways.