#1
I circumvent myself, would you be happy?

When there's no one else, would you be happy?

I extricate myself, you so happy.

Wish my good health, you so happy.

Sleeping all alone.

There's no one on the phone.

I circumvent myself.

You above all else.

Tired all the time.

Nothing in my mind.

Standing in a line.

Sleeping all the time.
#3
Quote by NewDayHappy
I circumvent myself, would you be happy?

When there's no one else, would you be happy?

I extricate myself, you so happy.

Wish my good health, you so happy.

Sleeping all alone.

There's no one on the phone.


I circumvent myself.

You above all else.

Tired all the time.

Nothing in my mind.

Standing in a line.

Sleeping all the time.


I fattened the part that I found i bit cringy, the alone/phone rhyme is very overused.
Also, shouldn't "you so happy" be "you're so happy" ?
Apart from that It's pretty good.

Thanks for the read
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#4
Quote by AmirMaor
I wonder if it's a happy or like sad sound song, good work


Thanks, brother.

Quote by BjarnedeGraaf
I fattened the part that I found i bit cringy, the alone/phone rhyme is very overused.
Also, shouldn't "you so happy" be "you're so happy" ?
Apart from that It's pretty good.

Thanks for the read


Friends, thank you for the advice. When I sing that song now I changed the part "you so happy" with "you're so happy." And it sounds 10x better, thanks for the constructive criticism without being a douche.

Some of the lyrics are just fillers, I'm not sure how you guys write songs, but typically the chord progression comes first and then the words come after that.

Glad, I got your feedback.

Thanks again friends.
#5
I was half expecting Pharrell lyrics.

However, I found this piece paced rather well.

I would add to the previous critique the lines "Tired all the time/Nothing in my mind" ... I think that perhaps you could spruce it up a bit. It just feels a bit bland.

Otherwise, ya did good kid.