#1
are you ****ing him now
i ask myself this all the time
including right now
and since i think about you all the time
odds are he's been inside you
as I've thought about you
is he inside you now
you say your single
but you live with him
you call him your ex
but i think he's more than that


i thought about ending it after "is he inside you now" what do you guys think? any critique would be helpful.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#2
Yeah, I think ending it with "is he inside you now" would be fantastic.

What I love most about this is how none of it rhymes, it definitely gives it that raw, emotional, heartfelt vibe, you can easily see how you just wrote what came to you, and didn't bother on the little things like rhyming.

I also particularly enjoy how you managed to to have the same 3 words end 7/11 of the lines.

There is one thing I'm not completely understand, why would you write a song about this, obviously torn apart inside, about a girl who has stated that she is single.
If she says she's single, she can get with her ex/flatmate if she wants, and it doesn't really have anything to do with you.

So I must admit I am curious as to why these words have been written, however amazing, raw and honest they are.

He very well may be inside her now, but it's none of your business - she's single.
#3
i can't see this being the lyrics to anything other than a joke type song...but at the same time it isn't humorous...
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#4
Erm...


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#5
Quote by King Turi
Yeah, I think ending it with "is he inside you now" would be fantastic.

What I love most about this is how none of it rhymes, it definitely gives it that raw, emotional, heartfelt vibe, you can easily see how you just wrote what came to you, and didn't bother on the little things like rhyming.

I also particularly enjoy how you managed to to have the same 3 words end 7/11 of the lines.

There is one thing I'm not completely understand, why would you write a song about this, obviously torn apart inside, about a girl who has stated that she is single.
If she says she's single, she can get with her ex/flatmate if she wants, and it doesn't really have anything to do with you.

So I must admit I am curious as to why these words have been written, however amazing, raw and honest they are.

He very well may be inside her now, but it's none of your business - she's single.


1: i'll end it that way

2: i don't rhyme because i'm lazy

3: i didn't notice that

4: i'm not sure why i wrote it. it kind of sucks knowing the girl you like is ****ing someone else. i know it's none of my business but it still sucks and i can't stop thinking about it.


thanks for the critique.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#6
Quote by vIsIbleNoIsE
i can't see this being the lyrics to anything other than a joke type song...but at the same time it isn't humorous...


that's funny. the last song i wrote (which was also about sex) people thought was a joke song.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#7
There is an air of desperation in this song, you're definitely not the only one who has felt this way. I had a girl in my life one time who made me ask the same questions, now I'm thankful it didn't work out, hopefully our paths never cross again. At least I got my dick sucked out of it.
#8
Quote by NewDayHappy
I had a girl in my life one time who made me ask the same questions, now I'm thankful it didn't work out, hopefully our paths never cross again. At least I got my dick sucked out of it.


Care to elaborate. not the dick sucking part but the other part.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#9
you seem obsessed with sex songs xD
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#10
i'm having a hard time figuring out what this song's about. maybe a chorus or refrain would help straighten out the meaning or message of the song.
#12
Quote by kthxbi
i'm having a hard time figuring out what this song's about. maybe a chorus or refrain would help straighten out the meaning or message of the song.


I'm kind of bummed you said that but glad you did. I try really hard to make my lyrics simple and very easy to understand because I don't won't to have a song that can be interpreted in muilptle ways. It looks like I failed at that. I thought it was pretty straight forward. So you think adding to it would help?

thanks for your critique.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#13
Quote by mr.******
Care to elaborate. not the dick sucking part but the other part.


I had a girl who used me to make another man jealous, it was a girl that I wanted to be with, but she was just using me to get to him.

Girls do this all the time, I'm not sure if you are going through the same thing, but this song made me think of what I went through.

Now I look back and I realize how much better I could have done. Thanks for posting this.

They figure, ahh, he won't ask me out so let me introduce a new male competitor to the competition and then he will be forced to make me his girlfriend or I'll leave him for another man.

Not saying this is what happened to you, but this song reminded me of something I went through. Which is probably a good thing, your song invokes memories from the viewer. Good job.