#1
flash of light
Another day dawned
Coffee a life source
Blink, blink, moving forward
Everybody talks
But nobody speaks
Mouths on autopilot
Leather and plastic tapping against the sidewalk
Screeching trains
Overcast sky
Phones shrilling
Concrete jungle, no survivors
Permanent insomnia
The city never sleeps
Blank, Smiling robots
Blink blink, shut down
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500
#4
it's more like a poem, but I guess I could work it out to be a song. Thanks for the feedback
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500
#5
Quote by BjarnedeGraaf
it's more like a poem, but I guess I could work it out to be a song. Thanks for the feedback

It doesn't rhyme, but it was well written.

Suppose it wouldn't be hard to make it rhyme, you would just have to make alternating verses to rhyme with your original stanzas.

The meat and potatoes of this song is well done, very beefy.
#6
Quote by NewDayHappy
It doesn't rhyme, but it was well written.

Suppose it wouldn't be hard to make it rhyme, you would just have to make alternating verses to rhyme with your original stanzas.

The meat and potatoes of this song is well done, very beefy.


I felt like stepping away from cliche rhymes for this one, as it would only hold back the message.
Most of my work is very cliche.
To me this is one of the best things I've written so far

thanks for the crit
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500