#1
ugly wind.


sky is germanic
and my white skin stinks of kafka


the tree trunks, the birds -ch
-tz and -ö

        my syllables are pinched
        my legs are disgusting twigs
                                     that flickle like a dead daddy 
long legs, a fingerbone pylon under the weight of snow with pine 
cracks: 

      a time lapse of swiss army knives that sprung metallically
      kalashnikovs in ukraine.
      riotous teeth, like ukraine,
      pointed to a penknife tip that is resinous and rusty like
      a stringy kalashnikov in ukraine


there is no self obsession in this weather| i can't maintain my health 

and my lips crack|my six jointed necks crack|my ear drums crack| i am a 

beetle that waited eighteen years to roll off it's back|i am not vain|i 

am not vein|i am not vein. 
#2
This has some great images and lines (germanic sky is fantastic). I think you have the tools to make ugly even uglier - imagine the last stanza with no punctuation at all, or the second-to-last with a more disjointed (even inappropriate) repetition. I want to feel like a beetle with you.

nice read
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
I liked this.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
I too enjoyed this. Doubt I could advise on any changes. Great work.

Great formatting. I especially enjoyed -

"that flickle like a dead daddy
long legs, a fingerbone pylon under the weight of snow with pine
cracks: "

Made it feel (IMO) like a hurried addition to the previous comment. Like the disgust of your own form is causing this description to spew forth.