#1
So I've finally written something new, it's been months, it feels great. It's still a draft, just finished writing it 10 minutes ago, any input is more than welcome.


You're as gorgeous as a fiery constellation,
But these last few months, there's been some cosmic rotation,
Which distorted your image into a different form,
Your once blazing fire's now nothing but warm.

Don't get me wrong, oh, it is not you who has changed,
It's my relation to you that has been rearranged.
For souls that are stranded where I used to be,
You are still a beacon that guides them at sea.

Few were my travels into outer space,
And yours was the only that made my pulse race.
And even though I'm plotting a whole new course,
My memories of you are a sweet tour the force.

I promise you, you were never at fault,
But your lovely lines slowly turned to a vault.
I began losing myself in your ways,
With my every footprint lost inside your haze.

With thoughts of adventure coursing through my mind,
All I can think of was what I might find,
A brand new horizon, a new set of stars,
I'll find a new Venus to go with my Mars.

But my final refuge'll soon cloud up the sky,
Slowly but surely that part of me'll die.
As I'll end this chapter, with loads of regret,
You'll be amongst those that I'll never forget.
Last edited by Inty at Mar 16, 2014,
#2
It's pretty good and I like the whole space theme you have going on, but I feel like you should mix it up a bit with a different rhyming pattern for some verses though. It starts to get a little too repetitive in my opinion.