#1
Anyone ever have this problem? I seem to keep running into people that are just out to screw me over. Here's a brief synopsis:

First attempt at a band: bandmate passed off plagiarized material as his own. pretty crafty about it too, since he took shitty demos from relatively unknown bands. seriously, who does this? made me look stupid. we booked a show and cancelled.

Second attempt: bandmate exaggerated experience with recording guitar/bass/drums and insisted that we only play simple songs ideal for teaching 1st graders piano. wasn't really looking forward to being in barney the dinosaur's band.

Third attempt: bandmate (drummer) insisted on complete control of garage band "because I founded it!!" and was embarrassingly unqualified to write for guitar or bass. we played the same 2 three-chord-songs for 2 years. huge waste of time. held me back like nothing else. I quit when it was clear that I had nothing to do and no input whatsoever. Still brags to me to this day about being in charge of a new band full of superior musicians (he writes nothing himself, plays dress-up, and takes all credit). he once asked me to donate a couple of my separate original ideas to his band for no good reason at all. very cool guy.


I've been playing guitar for almost 10 years now with no real success (never once played live despite hundreds of hours at practice/recording and a hard-drive full of ideas) primarily because nobody I've worked with in the past 10 years has been interested in helping me. I realize that I could search through the classifieds to find some like-minded help, but I've auditioned for a few bands this way before and they didn't pan out at all (even when I got picked for the job). I'd still prefer to do something with people I know, but so far, everyone I've worked with either treats me as an inferior or just plain takes advantage of me and my time. I have no choice but to go the solo-project route at this point, but even then I'd still like to find someone to perform live with.

What do you think? Is it just me? Has anyone else ever overcome this phase? Why is it so hard to get started?
Thanks
#2
I should probably also add that the first guy actually successfully passed off one of my ideas as his own to some other poor sucker, the second guy is doing totally aright, and the third guy still has never even bothered to listen to a mix tape he asked me to make for him to explain my main influences. All three were friends of mine at the time. Just feels good to let out some steam here.
#3
Rule number one. don't ever start a band with friends. unless you know they are fully confident musically and mature team wise. i've been through crap, like this so many times trying to start a band. it was a big learning experience. but it was kinda not to great like your drummer quitting, as soon as you decide to record or, your other guitarist demanding to make the songs easier for him to play, or the bass player wanting to rewrite my riffs. so now only band type thing i'm starting is a recording project with some friends i'm already in a band with so no messing around just track and itunes it.
Last edited by Androidjoey at Mar 17, 2014,
#4
I have been through similar stuff a couple of years back. I come from a town were the music scene is primarily rock/metal and singer/songwriter based. When i started playing in bands i was very into rock and metal and i had similar experiences with bands back then, one instance was in a band were we wanted different things (One of us only wanted to play covers, one of us wanted us to become the biggest band in the world and i just wanted to have fun), another was in a band were we had no common ground on what we liked (we were into totally different bands and artists and didn't appreciate what we came up with together).

That's one of the reasons i am a session guy now. I have people call me up for gigs and recordings in town and i'll do them regardless of style. That way i don't have to get invested in that particular group of people long enough to agree/disagree with them on stuff. I have a part to play and i get payed for it. I do however have one group i play with a lot, but i wouldn't call us a band. We are just five dudes who like experimental/improvised stuff, so we occasionally have a few jazz or fusion gigs. We are also quite often called in as a group for funk gigs in town.

I guess it just takes time to find the right people in bands. Just like relationships, you have to find the people you click with. You are bound to go through a couple of bad breakups before you settle down, right?
Fusion and jazz musician, a fan of most music.

Quote by Guthrie Govan
“If you steal from one person it's theft, and if you steal from lots of people it's research”


Quote by Chick Corea
"Only play what you hear. If you don't hear anything, don't play anything."
#5
Quote by Sickz
I have been through similar stuff a couple of years back. I come from a town were the music scene is primarily rock/metal and singer/songwriter based. When i started playing in bands i was very into rock and metal and i had similar experiences with bands back then, one instance was in a band were we wanted different things (One of us only wanted to play covers, one of us wanted us to become the biggest band in the world and i just wanted to have fun), another was in a band were we had no common ground on what we liked (we were into totally different bands and artists and didn't appreciate what we came up with together).

That's one of the reasons i am a session guy now. I have people call me up for gigs and recordings in town and i'll do them regardless of style. That way i don't have to get invested in that particular group of people long enough to agree/disagree with them on stuff. I have a part to play and i get payed for it. I do however have one group i play with a lot, but i wouldn't call us a band. We are just five dudes who like experimental/improvised stuff, so we occasionally have a few jazz or fusion gigs. We are also quite often called in as a group for funk gigs in town.

I guess it just takes time to find the right people in bands. Just like relationships, you have to find the people you click with. You are bound to go through a couple of bad breakups before you settle down, right?

Session playing is the way to go!! No need to argue over musical differences. learn your piece gig or record have a little fun and boom your done.
#6
Quote by Androidjoey
Session playing is the way to go!! No need to argue over musical differences. learn your piece gig or record have a little fun and boom your done.


Indeed, atleast for me. Having been in a band the argument over influences comes up a lot. "I like this band so we should try to sound like them" or "I don´t like that riff you came up with cause it´s in in a different style" became too common and eventually you had to choose if you wanted to pursue learning and studying music that you enjoyed yourself, or that the band enjoyed. That is also one of the reasons i am not in a band anymore, except for that improvisation group. I enjoy all styles, and want to learn from all styles. Elitism is childish, no style is better than another.
Fusion and jazz musician, a fan of most music.

Quote by Guthrie Govan
“If you steal from one person it's theft, and if you steal from lots of people it's research”


Quote by Chick Corea
"Only play what you hear. If you don't hear anything, don't play anything."
#7
Quote by Sickz
I enjoy all styles, and want to learn from all styles. Elitism is childish, no style is better than another.


I like how you brought up elitism. If other people are spending their time supporting you (by playing or producing) they should at least have some say in the direction. Unless you have millions of fans that are familiar with 25 years of your back-catalogue, you can't have just one person be an emperor.

I'm not a huge Beatles fan, but I like that you can listen to any one of their songs and have a good idea who wrote it. Why can't more bands function this way? I like learning from others. Everybody supports everybody. Give and take. Equal time. Even splits.
#8
Wow, 10 years and never gigged? Time to get out there and play. The first thing to acknowledge is that we all got "stuff". Take a hard look in the mirror and see if your "stuff" is part of the problem. There are no perfect bandmates and everyone brings different ideas and influences. Sometimes it is best to jam with friends and just go with the groove rather than trying to put too tight constraints on music.

I have a large circle of maybe 30 gigging musician friends that has been cultivated over many years. We all trust each other so one phone call and any of them will get together and toss some music around. After a good jam session we can discuss forming a project and see who is in or out.

A drummer friend from LA called last night. He is a session player who regularly gigs with Gilby Clark and Viv Campbell. He is doing an acoustic open mic locally for kicks and grins and invited me down to sit in. I will go, buy him a beer, and find some common musical ground that we both enjoy. No pressure and no stress, just a few old friends making some music together.

Always keep it positive. Always keep it fun, and appreciate the unique talents that others bring to the table.
"Your sound is in your hands as much as anything. It's the way you pick, and the way you hold the guitar, more than it is the amp or the guitar you use." -- Stevie Ray Vaughan

"Anybody can play. The note is only 20 percent. The attitude of the motherfucker who plays it is 80 percent." -- Miles Davis

Guthrie on tone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmohdG9lLqY
#9
Yeah my band has some issues our lead singer is a Jimi Hendrix obsessed guy don't get me wrong i love Hendrix but its all he wants to play. We made a deal so we play two Hendrix songs to make him happy. Yet he still wants to play more Hendrix the rest of the band wants to play a variety of classic and modern stuff.
#10
Quote by cjohnson122989
I like how you brought up elitism. If other people are spending their time supporting you (by playing or producing) they should at least have some say in the direction. Unless you have millions of fans that are familiar with 25 years of your back-catalogue, you can't have just one person be an emperor.

I'm not a huge Beatles fan, but I like that you can listen to any one of their songs and have a good idea who wrote it. Why can't more bands function this way? I like learning from others. Everybody supports everybody. Give and take. Equal time. Even splits.


Yeah, my town is full of elitism. You basically got the two different camps. Either you listen to metal, or you listen to house music. If it aint one of those styles, it aint any good, basically.

That is why i am glad i get session work in a lot of different places, and that i got a job teaching music aswell. Frees me up musically, and i can appreciate everything.
Fusion and jazz musician, a fan of most music.

Quote by Guthrie Govan
“If you steal from one person it's theft, and if you steal from lots of people it's research”


Quote by Chick Corea
"Only play what you hear. If you don't hear anything, don't play anything."
#11
Quote by Cajundaddy
Wow, 10 years and never gigged? Time to get out there and play. The first thing to acknowledge is that we all got "stuff". Take a hard look in the mirror and see if your "stuff" is part of the problem. There are no perfect bandmates and everyone brings different ideas and influences. Sometimes it is best to jam with friends and just go with the groove rather than trying to put too tight constraints on music.


Good advice. I think my problem that I was trying to communicate is that I do put myself out there, I do go with the flow, and I do help others... but my issue is the people I've helped so far don't really reciprocate or compromise at all. Every band I've been with so far has "belonged" to someone else. So yeah, a lot of my frustration is that I've been at this for 10 years and haven't ever got someone else to help me the way I've helped others. I feel like I need to compose an entire album of guitar/bass/drums etc. by myself before anyone will begin to take me seriously... and that takes a ton of time by yourself.

For example, I would have gladly played live with guy #3 from my original post just to have something after all this time. I've done a lot of work for him in our old band and beyond, and it's more than clear that he doesn't give a shit if I succeed at anything. I honestly think I'm the only person that's ever told him "no" before. He's basically a child that's used to always having his way (this is where that maturity comment comes in). He always looked down on me as his inferior... even though he still begs for my help and support to this day.
#12
The golden rule applies here. Whoever puts up the gold, makes the rules. If they are paying you to play their stuff, play their stuff. If it is a band with different interests and not a paid position, everyone has an equal opportunity for input. We used to play 4 sets and each guy got to craft one of the sets we played from our catalog of 200 songs. Shared give and take creates ownership in the project. It's a process that takes time but everyone needs to feel like their input is welcome and encouraged. If your current friends can't go there, find some new friends.
"Your sound is in your hands as much as anything. It's the way you pick, and the way you hold the guitar, more than it is the amp or the guitar you use." -- Stevie Ray Vaughan

"Anybody can play. The note is only 20 percent. The attitude of the motherfucker who plays it is 80 percent." -- Miles Davis

Guthrie on tone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmohdG9lLqY
#13
Quote by Cajundaddy
The golden rule applies here. Whoever puts up the gold, makes the rules. If they are paying you to play their stuff, play their stuff. If it is a band with different interests and not a paid position, everyone has an equal opportunity for input. We used to play 4 sets and each guy got to craft one of the sets we played from our catalog of 200 songs. Shared give and take creates ownership in the project. It's a process that takes time but everyone needs to feel like their input is welcome and encouraged. If your current friends can't go there, find some new friends.



I have never been paid to play. And yes, I should find new friends.