#1
Again I'm alone
an left wondering about myself
Left with my thoughts
and everything else

Again I'm here with it all of it again
Looking for the person that I've become
Left with my regrets
Bouncing around in my head

Each time I think I've found myself
I see somebody different
The mirror no longer shows me
or how anything is different

I've been shown my flaws
And I don't like what I see
I'd try to change
But would that be me

My life consists
Of these realizations
Times that I find
I'm not really here


It happens again
Left in the dark
Looking for myself
All I find is everyone else


But I can not, Can not find myself
Even though I want to
I can not, Can not change
I say, this time will be different
But it always stays the same


Looking for my soul
When will I be able to make myself
searching for my life
#2
good stuff. in particular the first and second stanza. i like the "bouncing around" line a lot for some reason.

in the first stanza is the "an" supposed to be a "and".

thanks for sharing.

i know this wasn't much of a critique but if you want to critique this feel free to.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
Last edited by mr.retard at Mar 29, 2014,
#3
I'm currently experimenting with pronouns like "I" or "myself" and like. I belief that the usage of them makes a particular song more concrete, which music shouldn't be. Music should express rather everything than something. That is why I don't like your lyrics, though they're not bad. It's just not the way I want to sing a song.
#4
Quote by almedin.candic
I'm currently experimenting with pronouns like "I" or "myself" and like. I belief that the usage of them makes a particular song more concrete, which music shouldn't be. Music should express rather everything than something. That is why I don't like your lyrics, though they're not bad. It's just not the way I want to sing a song.


Yet it is only possible to speak truly honestly from your perspective of the world, which would normally facilitate the use of a pronoun. Or alternatively it is possible to write about an incredibly specific thing without the use of a pronoun.

Please do not make such sweeping statements, they are not constructive criticism, respect other people's approaches.

It would be more useful to offer advice than simply describe why you don't like the piece.


Back on the piece itself, I think this would benefit from some more vivid description as you only seem to touch on each image. This would allow you explore them more fully: I want hear about how it feels to realise that you're not really there, the conflict of self image in the mirror.

I hope you find this helpful.