#1
Just wrote this. First draft at 7 in the morning with no sleep for the past few days.

I lay in the grave
That my bed has become
I'm rotting away
Like a corpse in the crypt

I no longer breathe
No air comes through my lips

I'm dead but I'm still breathing
This life I feel like leaving
Just bury me now
And leave me alone

I can't tell if I've died
Or if I've been paralyzed
Because I can't seem
To get myself out of here

Can you tell me now
Am I even alive

I'm dead but I'm still breathing
This life I feel like leaving
Just bury me now
And leave me alone

Just bury me now
I'm already dead
Just bury me now
I won't live again
I'll lay in this coffin
Six feet underground
Please leave me alone
I don't want to be found

I can't tell if I've died
Have I been paralyzed
Am I still alive

I'm dead but I'm still breathing
This life I feel like leaving
Just bury me now
And leave me alone
Just bury me now
I'm already dead
Just bury me now
I won't live again
Last edited by Aoh legend at Mar 30, 2014,
#2
I guess you want to express ambiguous feelings related to happiness, satisfaction, relationships and general questions in life? Please correct me if I misunderstood your lyrics.

Bu in imho you should express those feelings with something that evokes the same feeling, but leaves enough room for interpretation for the audience. Hence, you should move away from "Just bury me now / I'm already dead" to something like "my eyes like gates / locking myself in".

Hope that helps!

Keep on rockin'!
#3
I have been trying to write some more ambiguous songs recently. This, however, was not one of them. This song is about how I waste my life away just staying in bed all day whenever I'm depressed. However I like your interpretation too. I tend to have trouble writing songs that are unclear because it's not who I am. I'm a very straightforward person and I end up reflecting that in my writing. I will take your advice into consideration however.

Thanks for taking time to look at it!
#4
I thought it would of been cool as poetry, didn't seem to flow well for a song. I would work on using metaphors more and maybe on retaining the vividness of your imagery while not being so upfront about it. It might not be "who you are" because it isn't a style of writing you have experimented with enough yet.
Decepticons everywhere, decepticons everywhere.
#6
Hi, I really liked this lyrics. I like the unknowing sadness that these words express. I read an old answer in which you say that you've written this thinking how you waste your life staying on the bed without doing anything and it's a feeling that I also know, especially at night.