#1
i can't remember your voice
but i'll try block it out anyway
sometimes she reminds me of you
in arguments, and for arguments sake
i will pretend that all girls are bitterly
sarcastic when they don't get their way
telling me to f*** off with that beautiful
smile on her face
you see i've fallen back into the same hole again


it's a bitter cycle that i thought i could not escape
then she came along and took me in her arms
showed me what it is like to really love
and be loved in return
so all her silly mistakes fell so perfectly onto mine
now i carry them around with me for nights
when i can not sleep or
when i feel like torturing myself
by searching through history
for what i had
and what i lost

will it always be like this?



the italic verse is about someone after I had just met them it was written to a past lover, the second verse is about the girl whom I had only met in the italic verse but by then I had realised she was the love of my life. very complicated...
#2
I briefly read through this and I am going to guess, this is not lyrics, but a poem. So I'll go through and suggest grammatical fixes and useless "spacer" words like "but" and "that".

i can't remember your voice
but i'll try block it out anyway
sometimes she reminds me of you Just my thoughts, but this is an overused phrase in the poetic world. The moment you write something like this, you lose the creative flow readers are drawn to. I would maybe suggest re-writing this to something with a little more sparkle to it. Maybe even a particular thing that she does to remind you of her
in arguments, and for arguments sake
i will pretend that all girls are bitterly
sarcastic when they don't get their way
telling me to f*** off with that beautiful
smile on her face
you see, i've fallen back into the same hole again

it's a bitter cycle, that i thought i could not escape
thenshe came along, and took me in her arms This line is very generic. To keep the reader interested, I would suggest using a unique analogy. Maybe an inside joke between you two that the average person can still understand
showed me what it is like to really love
and to be loved in return
so all her silly mistakes fell so perfectly onto mine
now i carry them around with me, for nights
when i can not sleep or
when i feel like torturing myself
by searching through history
for what i had
and what i lost

will it always be like this?

This is a hard medium to express our emotions in. It's hard to put into words entire feelings. And it's that much harder to do it in a way to stand out. This genre is a very well written genre, nothing you can ever say has not already been said before. So maybe focus and what makes you, you. Find a particular part of this work that really means a lot to you, and just continue to play and write on that. Even change the stanza structures, alter the subject slightly, have fun with it. Improvise with complete creativity based on that one part you feel means the most to you
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