#1
Hello, this is one of my compositions. I've been working on it for about a year. Its not finished yet. sorry if its too long i.m thinking of breaking it up in two parts because it got maybe too long for one song. my influences are mostly from bands like dream theater, symphony x, Metallica, trivium (mostly from their shogun album) and even joe satriani and steve vai. Please tell me what you guys think
Attachments:
Prog thing.gp4
#2
hey man here's my crit

Intro/Verse is kinda basic/generic but gets the job done i guess.
part with the lead is kinda nice although is also pretty basic , also like that u change the drum rhytm.

after that comes something that i can only describe as musical diarrea , not my thing and seems out of place to me.

Pre-Chorus/Chorus is nice , but again , pretty generic/basic.

lead stuff after is pretty cool , like it , this part fits well with the intro/verse , but at this point , the grind stuff afterwards just feels out of place even more , not sure why u put it in.

after this its just rinse and repeat , might work well with lyrics but musically its pretty boring imo.

Harmonies :
not sure what to think about this , first bar starts of good , than u do the same thing on different keys , and just sounds lazy and not very interesting.

Solo :
sounds pretty nice , some different techniques here and there.
After this the harmonies sound actually pretty good , i would scrap the harmonies part before the solo since it doesnt really do anything imo.

The temp change after that doesnt sound really natural and doesnt transition well imo , in my experience tempo changes are really tricky to get right , at least for me , i changed it to 65 and it sounds a lot better to me.

Verse 6
Really good stuff , why isnt there more stuff like this in the song ?

Harmonies
Again starts off cool , than u change it a semitone after the first bar , and just sounds silly and lazy imo , i suggest changing the scale on the lead here and there also

New Riff
Interesting , like the proggy feel to it and the time changes in it.

Break
okish , very generic/ basic again , as an outro it doesnt feel right to me , as a break it does.

i dont really know what to say , it might all work with lyrics on top but as it is right now its just way to bland and waaay to long , i suggest trimming it and removing parts that are out of place like the grind verse/verse 4. at sometimes i felt like it was going somewhere , and a lot of times it felt like u just didnt spend to much time iterating on it and just went with whatever came out.

sometimes it takes me weeks to right one single part of a song and i end up deleting everything that i tried to fit in at the point where im stuck , but it always pays off when u finally find the thing u were looking for , so dont just throw anything in there and try to make every section sound coherent and with the same kind of feel.

sorry for being so harsh but its just my honest opinion , and im not really into the bands u have as influence so take my opinion with a grain of salt i guess.

Can you crit unsung heroes for me its in my sig.
Last edited by MobiuZ at Apr 10, 2014,
#3
Thanks for the crit. Yes that grind part is actually really bad. I remember when i wrote that riff i was still obsessed with death metal and all. I don't know why i didn't remove it. I will work on the song, maybe split it, maybe scrap a lot of stuff. It will take a while.
#4
To me, from start to the chorus the song sounded really generic. I don't think that you captured the prog feel with it, I'm not saying that it's bad, it just seems unoriginal.

After the Verse 6 it gets better, I like the alternate Harmonies part somewhat, but still it sounded somewhat bland. Sorry, I usually try to give positive criticism, but I guess that since I'm a huge prog fan and bands like Symphony X and DT are important to me, this really did not capture the right feel. You have great riffs and ideas, but the construction of the song wasn't best in my my opinion, I think it's just too repetitive and recycles the same ideas for too long. Splitting it up to two songs might actually help a ton.

Sorry if I sound harsh, really the composition is really nice, but I think you should focus more on making the song more interesting.