#1


All the powder pristine peninsulas, so soft in
snow and wet in toe, all the minds in heavy
glow

And when we talk we really talk and there's
no impediment to the beauteous

I can never be elsewhere, your absence is,
Elsa, everywhere

Near the ssea (near mme),
near my ttongue so I can only
stutter

All this born of vernal wood;
I feel flower bed
I feel better when
I feel flotsam
I feel geranium!


Elsa,
It is wonderful to be wonderful,
when tea is endless &
you feel vast.
Last edited by rushmore at Apr 10, 2014,
#3
I haven't read any of your latest work, but from what I remember you've always had such a smooth comfortable flow, from word to word and line to line. I think the word "impediment" interferes with that natural flow that's evident throughout the rest of this piece. It's not really a word that would flow too well in any situation. I understand that it carries a lot of weight in the meaning of the piece as a whole, so i guess i don't really have any suggestions. Just my two cents.

Nice to read you again.
#4
it feels like you're breathing again
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#6
This is great. It really reads like the narrator is feeling joy.
#7
Yeah, there's definitely a kind of dreamy, wandering-around-a-little-seaside-town-full-of-wildflowers thing you're always getting at but achieving more some times than others. It's here a lot, in the imagery for sure, but also in how the font sort of isolates itself, and in the sonics, which are pretty consistent except maybe "beauteous" and the harder stop at the end (but I kind of like that end, not sure about the repetition of "wonderful" though).

But Borgarnes is the town I'm thinking of, thanks for taking me back.