#1
the last thing you ever said to me was
'i don't
want to
talk to you
you're making me anxious'
well darling you make me anxious.
every fu**ing hour the day forces me to live through
at 3am i want to rip my skin from my chest
stretch it, tear it, snap my ribs in half and find my heart to hold it
feel it beat without you
what an idiotic muscle -
beating without you.
i want to squeeze
burst the god damn thing
and poke poke poke my eyelids
i want bleed out for you/over you
to stop the pathetic half-assed tears from falling
over every acoustic guitar
accompanying every male voice
on every playlist you made for me

fuc* you and your great music taste
Last edited by Dylan_ at Apr 14, 2014,
#2
I must say I enjoyed this. The imagery you used is not overly cryptic, but not cliche either, which gives this quite a raw bluesy edge. You've also given the subject matter a personal, unique twist which is always good.

I'm not sure whether this intended to be exclusively written word, or if it's meant be performed either as lyrics or spoken, but if this is mainly meant to be the former I'd suggest changing around the line breaks on

"i don't
want to
talk to you

For me this interrupted the flow of the piece as each line is a single idea/section of the sentence, if you see what I mean.