Poll: Do you like this ori song?
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View poll results: Do you like this ori song?
Yes
5 18%
No
23 82%
Voters: 28.
#1
hey folks. me and my friends wrote an original song, titled Never Saw it Coming. I am hoping if you guys can listen and give comments.

Just wanna get some unbiased feedback.

Thanks very much in advance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ2nofztmNI
Last edited by syak at Apr 15, 2014,
#2
Sounds like a Weird Al Yankovic song, except it wasn't funny.. I also kept waiting for some kind of climax, but it never happened (huehuehue). Why have a progression create tension, but then just keep doing the same thing over and over again

Also your thread is gonna get closed brah

EDIT: You 100% sound like Weird Al

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3Ujj_H1AtQ
Last edited by vayne92 at Apr 15, 2014,
#4
Complete wrong forum, go to either promote your band or original recording forums.


#forumpolice
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Last edited by ProgFripp74 at Apr 15, 2014,
#10
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#13
It sounds to me like something the Dixie Chicks, Weird Al, and Toby Keith would co-write together.

Try adding some more instrumentation (maybe. Maybe you're going for a minimalist approach. I don't know. That seems to be in style nowadays).

Also, it needs a better chorus. I really couldn't discern what your chorus was. Ways to do that: Add a vocal harmony(or two since this sounds like country to me), change key, sing louder/stronger, change tempo or key signature, change basic chords.

Also, please consider using more dynamics. Start looking at songs that sound interesting but when you break them down are two-four chords the entire song. You'll begin to realize that dynamics are essential. This song could be 10x better with some proper use of dynamics. Examples being: Vocal inflection, rhythm of piano part, as well as how hard you strike the keys.

Otherwise, I found the lyrics to feel very cliche/cheesy. If that's what you were going for, then fine, but I didn't like them. It seemed like you REALLY wanted to use the most cliche things possible, but decided to dodge around them and infer them. Ex. 'picked up a spoon' (or something like that) trying to use the cliche of a 'silver spoon'.

Anyway, sorry if that was a little harsh, but it's what I honestly thought. You're on the right track, have a usable voice, and with some more practice at songwriting, you'll get there

EDIT: Also, about the chorus, it doesn't necessarily NEED it, but it needs something in the way of it. It needs some sort of change. It sounds the same all the way through. That goes back to dynamics. With enough dynamic change, you can keep the entire structure but use the dynamics to create the illusion of something else going on.
Last edited by mjones1992 at Apr 15, 2014,
#14
Quote by mjones1992
It sounds to me like something the Dixie Chicks, Weird Al, and Toby Keith would co-write together.

Try adding some more instrumentation (maybe. Maybe you're going for a minimalist approach. I don't know. That seems to be in style nowadays).

Also, it needs a better chorus. I really couldn't discern what your chorus was. Ways to do that: Add a vocal harmony(or two since this sounds like country to me), change key, sing louder/stronger, change tempo or key signature, change basic chords.

Also, please consider using more dynamics. Start looking at songs that sound interesting but when you break them down are two-four chords the entire song. You'll begin to realize that dynamics are essential. This song could be 10x better with some proper use of dynamics. Examples being: Vocal inflection, rhythm of piano part, as well as how hard you strike the keys.

Otherwise, I found the lyrics to feel very cliche/cheesy. If that's what you were going for, then fine, but I didn't like them. It seemed like you REALLY wanted to use the most cliche things possible, but decided to dodge around them and infer them. Ex. 'picked up a spoon' (or something like that) trying to use the cliche of a 'silver spoon'.

Anyway, sorry if that was a little harsh, but it's what I honestly thought. You're on the right track, have a usable voice, and with some more practice at songwriting, you'll get there

EDIT: Also, about the chorus, it doesn't necessarily NEED it, but it needs something in the way of it. It needs some sort of change. It sounds the same all the way through. That goes back to dynamics. With enough dynamic change, you can keep the entire structure but use the dynamics to create the illusion of something else going on.


I'm pretty sure that this is one of those 'the curtains are f*cking blue' moments.
#18
Thanks guys for the comments. I'm cool with the criticisms. No disageeements. weird al has a nice voice in my book.

Btw sorry first post, wrong sub forum. My bad.
#21
.... Kinda sat around waiting for something to happen.. There was no real chorus to lift the tone of the song...


The effects on your voice are also quite obvious and to me it just sound so stupid.. It really detracts from the experience.. And it's kinda cheesy.. Sorry man.
There's only one boss I listen to, and that's why I'm unemployed.
#22
No, I did not like it. It was shit.


Do NOT quit your day job. I would suggest you consider quitting life, though.
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#23
Quote by mjones1992
It sounds to me like something the Dixie Chicks, Weird Al, and Toby Keith would co-write together.


this is literally exactly what i was scrolling down to post
#25
I agree with others. Your voice doesn't fit that soft piano. Should have gone with solid drum beat, guitar and bass. But it's decent I guess. But your singing doesn't pace with the piano that well. Feels like you're singing too fast, and the piano is too slow.
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