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#1
I've never even been in an airport.


Have you ever traveled by plane? Yes? Awesome.



Please give a step by step guide/tutorial on how to travel by plane.



Example:

- Go to the check-in, throw a pick up line at the hot lady behind the counter....
- Etc...
- ...



Of course, give real and accurate information.
Imagine you want to send your 5 year-old brother to Kazakhstan on his own, but he doesn't know how airports work. This should be his guide.

(Best poster gets a prize, srs)
#2
Go to plane. Say hello to hostess. Go to seat. Sit. Do stuff. Plane lands. Get luggage. Go out to new destination.
#3
Don't have a beard, don't have turban on, don't ever say "bomb" or "weapon".

Good luck.


Where are you headed?
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#4
I ran through an airport when I was like 8 holding my wrist saying I was armed.
I got a very stern talking to from security.


So don't do that either.
Silverburst
#6
Quote by k.lainad
Where are you headed?


Nowhere, yet. I don't know how fucking airports work


btw, the FBI is probably checking this thread now, because of the use of the word "bomb" and planes... We should create some slang.

How about we say "pudding" instead of "bomb" and "butthole" for anything plane related?
#7
Make sure to bring a water bottle. The lines are long and you may get thirsty.
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ raise your dongers ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
#10
Quote by macashmack
Lol noob hw hav u nvr traveled by plane


HE'S FROM PORTUGAL! they don't get out much.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#11
It's true, our country has such great weather and landscapes and stuffs that we don't need to leave
Last edited by Minicaxotinho at Apr 24, 2014,
#12
Drive to airport
Jump over the security fence
Steal a titan
Crash it into other players
Sail upon the open skies
#13
Be an adult and follow the signs and instructions around you.


Don't take any liquid over 100ml they will make you put it in the bin.
Last edited by Mistress_Ibanez at Apr 24, 2014,
#14
Step one: Print boarding pass online
Step two: go to airport
Step three: Go through security
Step four: Go to your gate
Step five: Eat cinnabon while waiting to board
Step five and a half: Repeatedly proclaim "This cinnabon is the bomb!"
Step six: Board plane
Step seven: cram comically oversized suitcase into overhead compartment
Step eight: Keep seat in upright position
Step nine: Avoid talking to the person next to you for three hours
Step nine: Beat off loudly in the only lavatory
Step ten: Have a post-fap cigarette
Step eleven: Put cig butt in the bathroom trashcan
Step twelve: Get off plane when you arrive at your destination
Step thirteen: If you didn't cram all your shit into the overhead wait at baggage claim for your shit
Last edited by JackWhiteIsButts at Apr 24, 2014,
#15
-Get held captive on drug smuggler's trawler boat
-Escape on a rowboat with the drunken captain that becomes your best friend/sidekick
-Get lost out to sea, and wait for the smugglers to locate you by seaplane
-Avoid gunshots, beat up pilots, and quickly learn to fly plane
-Fly to next destination, land and enjoy your holiday
Harry Potter is DEAD! Ehhhhh heh heeehhhh!!!
-Voldemort
#16
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
Step one: Print boarding pass online
Step two: go to airport
Step three: Go through security
Step four: Go to your gate
Step five: Eat cinnabon while waiting to board
Step five and a half: Repeatedly proclaim "This cinnabon is the bomb!"
Step six: Board plane
Step seven: cram comically oversized suitcase into overhead compartment
Step eight: Keep seat in upright position
Step nine: Avoid talking to the person next to you for three hours
Step nine: Beat off loudly in the only lavatory
Step ten: Have a post-fap cigarette
Step eleven: Put cig butt in the bathroom trashcan
Step twelve: Get off plane when you arrive at your destination
Step thirteen: If you didn't cram all your shit into the overhead wait at baggage claim for your shit


I vote this. Spot on walk through on proper airport execution.
#17
Don't be an impatient dumbass and you'll be fine.

Flying is incredibly simple and painless. Slap anyone who says otherwise.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#18
Quote by quadracer92
I vote this. Spot on walk through on proper airport execution.

Yes.

JackWhiteIsButts has the best post so far, brb gonna get the prize. (More prizes are available if a better post comes up.)
#19
what are you talking about? you don't have to do shit, you're not the pilot. just sit down and don't be a drunken asshole the whole flight.
banned
#20
Quote by k.lainad
Don't have a beard, don't have turban on, don't ever say "bomb" or "weapon".

Good luck.


#21
Statistically, flying is FAR safer than driving. So kick back with a coke, watch a movie, and enjoy the flight.
#22
Going to seriously answer this. Seeing as it appears you are from Portugal, steps marked with an *asterisk only apply if you are traveling to the United States.

1. Before you leave, make sure your luggage is all packed, you have your wallet and ID, your passport if you are traveling internationally, and you know how to get to the airport.
2*. Make sure you don't have any dangerous or illegal items in your luggage, and your carry-on doesn't contain any weapons (this includes knives) or liquids (small bottles are fine).
3. Go to airport.
4. Proceed to ticket agent. Acquire boarding pass if you didn't print it out at home. Check bags.
5. Go to security. Get in line.
6. Go through metal detectors or *x-ray vision machine. Put your stuff on the conveyor belt. *Take off your shoes and put those through too.
7. Now is probably a good time to use the bathroom. Maybe have something to eat or a few drinks.
8. Find your gate. Wait there until they say it is time to board.
9. Get on airplane. Fly.
10. If you are traveling internationally, go through customs and show them your passport and all that junk.
kill all humans
#23
Teh prize. alaskan_ninja and JackWhiteIsButts ftw.


This is your prize, a picture of an angry dog.
You have great posts, enjoy
Last edited by Minicaxotinho at Apr 24, 2014,
#26
Quote by macashmack
Statistically, flying is FAR safer than driving. So kick back with a coke, watch a movie, and enjoy the flight.


Yeah but when things do go wrong then good luck.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#27
The only advice I have that expands on what has already been said is about security.

I like to get ready before I get to the conveyor belt. I usually put all my metal things and wallet in my jacket, and I open up my bag so I can get ready to take my laptop out. Sometimes you may have to take off your belt. I usually look a little bit ahead to see what everyone else is doing, so that I can just be ready. You might have to take off your shoes, so be ready for that. This all helps with saving time, as well as making sure you don't have like fifty plastic tubs you're sending through because you didn't consolidate space. Laptops get their own tub, anything else can be together in a tub, some things (like bags) don't need to be in tubs. Make sure to get your stuff quickly at the end so you don't hold up the queue for other people.

Good luck and don't panic.


ALSO: I like to check in online before I leave my home/hotel/residence. It just saves time and stress. And yeah, make sure to either have a boarding pass printed already, or have a digital one on your phone, again just to save time and stress.
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#28
Source for this post: I've been on around 35 flights in the past 3½ years


Depends where you're flying (passport control at destination) and with which airline (check in at airport)

Get to airport
Go to check in desk and drop off your hold luggage (if required), if not:
*Go to/through security (in most cases you'll need your boarding pass/card at this point)
Now depending how early you are, you'll be hanging around in the departure hall for ages until your gate comes up on the screens
Go to said gate when it shows up
Get on plane when the ignorant airline employee turns up and tells you to do so


*make sure to read the info before security, about liquids. You're not allowed any liquids in your luggage or on your person that's more than 100ml. If you have any less than that (toothpaste for example - yeah it counts as liquid), you need to put it in a little plastic bag and keep it out of your case/bag while going through.
Last edited by sam b at Apr 24, 2014,
#30
Just watch the movie Airplane. That has everything you need to know.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#31
Quote by Trowzaa
Yeah but when things do go wrong then good luck.

Next thing you know you're stranded in the middle of the Chilean mountains eating the rest of your football team.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#32
Buy your ticket then check in when it says to. It's usually 24 hours before departure. You get your boarding pass when you do this. Or you can do it at the airport. Check in any luggage at the airport and go to your gate. Preferably an hour early. When your plane starts boarding, don't line up. You'll be in the queue for ages. Go when it dies down a little. It's usually best when you're last in line. Board the plane and relax (don't recline your seat).
#33
- check for passport, boarding pass if you printed it/booking confirmation if you're collecting your boarding pass at the airport, lock your luggage if you're checking it in and don't lock your keys inside or leave them behind. If you're checking something in weigh it.
- get there (NOT leave home) at least 2 hours before your flight
- go to check-in counter. do whatever they tell you to do. Go there even if you've already printed your boarding pass and you don't have anything to check in because you can ask them about stuff like who else is on the flight and what the inflight meals are and they might upgrade you.
- clear security, now you are INSIDE
- if you still have time get something to eat and use the bathroom and other airport facilities. If you're at a nice airport don't just sit in a chair and sleep. My airport has a butterfly garden or something but I've never seen it because I'm busy doing other stuff go shopping if you want because it's usually cheaper than outside (except for food/drink). If it's an international airport it's also fun to sit in a chair and guess where people are going and watch them run to their gates.
- run to your gate. If you don't want to run get there 20 mins before the plane leaves. Actually getting to the gate can take up to 45 mins in some airports so if you want to roam the airport find out where your gate is first and how to get there.
- security stuff etc now you're on the plane go to your seat and try and stay awake until you're in the air. Put big bags in the overhead compartments but if you have a small bag with a book or something inside put it under the seat in front of you so you don't annoy people by getting up to retrieve stuff from the compartment all the time.
- at this point I usually curl up and sleep and I wake up for meals and go back to sleep after. You may recline your seat but don't do so during meals until all the trays have been cleared and don't recline if a tall person is behind you.
- landing yay keep popping your ears or the pressure buildup will be painful. Try not to have a cold/other respiratory illnesses when flying IT REALLY SUCKS. If you have bad sinuses I'm sorry your face will feel like it's exploding but don't worry it won't.
- get your bags out and leave the plane
- immigration ezpz and get your bags. These two might be switched around depending on the airport but it's usually immigration first. Make sure they stamp your passport properly and stuff. If they don't you might have trouble when you leAve.
- go shopping again if you want because duty free is awesome
- leave the airport make sure you have all your stuff and bye
cat
#34
ALSO make sure you have your house keys with you before you leave for the airport.
cat
#35
Quote by angusfan16
Drive to airport
Jump over the security fence
Steal a titan
Crash it into other players

I hate when the defense tanks get me
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#36
I've had over 1500 plane flights, but I'm not a pilot.

Mostly in small planes skydiving. Been on around 40 or 50 jet flights around the world though. I always smile when I get on a plane, 99% of the time it means fun of some kind.

Only thing I can say is you never have to be there as early as they say for check in, I usually come 30 mins before not the 2 hrs they say.

I had almost 1000 rides in this old beast, legendary DC3
Attachments:
misterdouglas1.jpg
Last edited by Tempoe at Apr 24, 2014,
#37
Quote by guitarxo

- go to check-in counter

you can ask them about stuff like who else is on the flight

wh..

what?
#39
Quote by sam b
wh..

what?

Y'know, maybe some celebrities like Susan Serandon or Biz Markie.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#40
Once you arrive at your destination, look nervous. Keep clutching your stomach as though in pain. You never know, you might be featured on one of those airport TV shows as the happy ending where it's revealed, after an intimate search and x-ray, you weren't carrying drugs after all.
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