#1
nb - writing some pop songs for a [female] friend.

i'm so fed up of being ****ed
and ****ed off with being fed
all your lies and all your bullshit
when you wake up in my bed
it's not okay for you to screw me
then make off without a trace
leaving me to mop up
shed a tear and lose face

i'm so ashamed of being won
over by advertising
you seemed alright, fairly legit
you could tell I was excited
it's not okay though that you turned
up through the post a little faulty
defunct and useless, almost threw you
out if I wasn't so frightened

that you might be the last guy to fall through my door
that you might be the last guy to drop on the floor

I didn't bat an eyelid
through the first batch or two
but now it feels harder to find
a replacement for you
there's some dodgy firmware out there
some dodgy hardware too
and it feels harder to find, harder to find
an experience that's new

I'm so fed up of being shafted
and laughed at for being tight
but tell me what's wrong with taking
time to choose mr. right
it's not okay that she's with him
when he was with her before
and she's also been going out with her
need I say anymore?

la la la, la la la la
la la la, la la la la

you might be the last guy to fall through my door
you might be the last guy I thrown down on the floor

I didn't bat an eyelid
through the first batch or two
but now it feels harder to find
a replacement for you
there's some dodgy firmware out there
some dodgy hardware too
and it feels harder to find, harder to find
an experience that's new

I didn't bat an eyelid
didn't flinch or move
when you came out I got up at five-thirty
so I could be first in the queue

I didn't think you'd notice me
I had bags under my eyes
but that's the trick, your USP
you pretend to empathize

you might be the last guy to fall through my door
you might be the last guy I have on my bedroom floor

I didn't bat an eyelid
through the first batch or two
but now it feels harder to find
a replacement for you
there's some dodgy firmware out there
some dodgy hardware too
and it feels harder to find, harder to find
an experience that's new

la la la, la la la la
la la la, la la la la

la la la, la la la la
la la la, la la la la


#2
this piece has a few moments i liked. "defunct and useless, almost threw you/ out if I wasn't so frightened" stood out especially. i think the rest of this flops around a lot, i feel like you could cut out the nonessential parts and have something better. i mean, it is a lot of lyrics, perhaps some editing is in order.

thanks for the read, i enjoyed it. sorry for the brief review, perhaps i can return with more thoughts. cheers.
#3
I think the first stanza turned out to be great it had a great flow but as the whole thing progressed further...I felt like you were moving away from the point you were trying to make.

I don't know if this is a song or a poem and that I had always felt had been problem with your pieces. Even if I pulled out my guitar now I will have a hard time putting it in time signature.

I don't want to come across as rude. Some lines were great some were just meh. Not your best work. If you want I will dissect the whole piece for you but you know I have weird sense of humor.

It's good to see that couple of you guys are still hanging out in here
Hi