Page 1 of 2
#1
My life is such a mess, I know I won't get a serious response, but I need to vent somewhere. This is probably the only community I frequent. I rreally don't know what I'm doing and each day hurts more than the last. I have one month until I need to move from my current Residence and I think I'm going to jump in front of a car on the nearest Highway I just just ccan't deal anymore. I know some people will miss me, but their pain of missing me probably won't equal the pain I feel on a daily basis. And if it does f*ck it, I'm tired of being the people pleaser. I want something that will help me for once. Something that will stop the infinite hate I feel for myself everyday. Something that can finally maybe make ME happy, orat least less miserable.

Why? Why me?

Why can't I be someone who matters? Someone who has meaning? Someone who is happy?

I've come to the conclusion that it's MY fault that I'm not happy. It's My fault that I push everyone away. It's MY fault that I'm afraid to love someone again.

I always WANT to blame someone else but when it comes down to it.. Nobody has anyone to blame but their selves.

Get over it right? I'm being such a little b*tch right? Especially for a dude. Well I don't give A f*ck anymore. I'm sick of putting other people first and the only way I see me being happy.. Is not being at all.
FYI I'm jealous of everyone that can have a "normal" life. I can't stop thinking about what I'm doing wrong every second that is seriously driving me insane. I haven't felt right since I was 14 and since then it's been varying degrees of "alright". 8 years of this is too much. I just can't anymore. I refuse to tell anyone irl about my "weakness" so they will have to somehow stumble across this.

Idk though I'll prolly p*ssy out again like I did the last 5 times and end up in the hospital feeling like a bigger piece of dump than I do now. What do I know? Nothing. Nothing and self consciousness and pain. F*ck me and three quarters. Idk. I just don't know, I really don't.
"Could everyone please stop sounding like everyone else that's trying to sound like meshuggah?"

-Emil Werstler

Quote by damian_91
Kurt Cobain, the best guitarist to ever live.

#2
You want something that will help you for once? No-one's going to do it for you. Stop your whining, and make things better for yourself. Choose your attitude. There's nothing worse than someone who whines about their life being shit, and doesn't do anything about it.
#3
Have you ever considered trying to identify what it is about your life that makes you so miserable?

Identify it and then take steps to improved it.
#4
See a psych, mate. While Deliriumbassist's way of putting it goes from being harsh but sensible to total asshole depending on present factors, if you can get yourself help, get it. If you're beyond helping yourself, at least try and tell a friend or family member and don't shut them out if possible.
they're coming to take me away
ha-haaa
#6
I know no one will. Honestly I don't really even know what exactly it is. I've tried various forms of self-improvement and other thing that I thought would make me happy but somehow I always end up hammered and suicidal.
"Could everyone please stop sounding like everyone else that's trying to sound like meshuggah?"

-Emil Werstler

Quote by damian_91
Kurt Cobain, the best guitarist to ever live.

Last edited by brandon2784 at May 4, 2014,
#7
then see a psych and get the treatment and help you need that extends beyond your own current ability to do so
they're coming to take me away
ha-haaa
#9
Quote by Banjocal
then see a psych and get the treatment and help you need that extends beyond your own current ability to do so


That, I'm afraid is impossible. I just don't have the money and I'm too much of a p*ssy to tell anyone when I'm not shit-faced. Even if I did, it won't do anything.
"Could everyone please stop sounding like everyone else that's trying to sound like meshuggah?"

-Emil Werstler

Quote by damian_91
Kurt Cobain, the best guitarist to ever live.

#10
Just do what you want.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#12
Quote by brandon2784
My life is such a mess, I know I won't get a serious response, but I need to vent somewhere. This is probably the only community I frequent. I rreally don't know what I'm doing and each day hurts more than the last. I have one month until I need to move from my current Residence and I think I'm going to jump in front of a car on the nearest Highway I just just ccan't deal anymore. I know some people will miss me, but their pain of missing me probably won't equal the pain I feel on a daily basis. And if it does f*ck it, I'm tired of being the people pleaser. I want something that will help me for once. Something that will stop the infinite hate I feel for myself everyday. Something that can finally maybe make ME happy, orat least less miserable.

Why? Why me?

Why can't I be someone who matters? Someone who has meaning? Someone who is happy?

I've come to the conclusion that it's MY fault that I'm not happy. It's My fault that I push everyone away. It's MY fault that I'm afraid to love someone again.

I always WANT to blame someone else but when it comes down to it.. Nobody has anyone to blame but their selves.

Get over it right? I'm being such a little b*tch right? Especially for a dude. Well I don't give A f*ck anymore. I'm sick of putting other people first and the only way I see me being happy.. Is not being at all.
FYI I'm jealous of everyone that can have a "normal" life. I can't stop thinking about what I'm doing wrong every second that is seriously driving me insane. I haven't felt right since I was 14 and since then it's been varying degrees of "alright". 8 years of this is too much. I just can't anymore. I refuse to tell anyone irl about my "weakness" so they will have to somehow stumble across this.

Idk though I'll prolly p*ssy out again like I did the last 5 times and end up in the hospital feeling like a bigger piece of dump than I do now. What do I know? Nothing. Nothing and self consciousness and pain. F*ck me and three quarters. Idk. I just don't know, I really don't.


You sound a lot like me from 4 years ago. I understand exactly how you feel. I've been there man.

I don't know how else to say this, but realize that nobody knows what the fvck they are doing. Lots of people just...float through life, not knowing why or what for. I'd say only 4-5% of people actually got their shit semi-together.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You've got no need to be.

Quote by brandon2784
That, I'm afraid is impossible. I just don't have the money and I'm too much of a p*ssy to tell anyone when I'm not shit-faced. Even if I did, it won't do anything.


I felt like this as well. Horribly ashamed of it and I did everything I could to hide my feelings. And, also, I felt like if I told anyone, they'd just tell me to "get over it" and I'd be left stranded even more than before.
Last edited by Philip_pepper at May 4, 2014,
#13
Quote by Philip_pepper
You sound a lot like me from 4 years ago. I understand exactly how you feel. I've been there man.

I don't know how else to say this, but realize that nobody knows what the fvck they are doing. Lots of people just...float through life, not knowing why or what for. I'd say only 4-5% of people actually got their shit semi-together.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You've got no need to be.


I felt like this as well. Horribly ashamed of it and I did everything I could to hide my feelings. And, also, I felt like if I told anyone, they'd just tell me to "get over it" and I'd be left stranded even more than before.


That's pretty much it. The very few times I've tries to talk about stuff it just results in a "well it could be worse" type of talk. Then I just give up, just like I do on everything else in life.
"Could everyone please stop sounding like everyone else that's trying to sound like meshuggah?"

-Emil Werstler

Quote by damian_91
Kurt Cobain, the best guitarist to ever live.

Last edited by brandon2784 at May 4, 2014,
#14
Quote by brandon2784
. Even if I did, it won't do anything.
you don't know that. now go and ****ing tell them.
they're coming to take me away
ha-haaa
#15
If you go to a hospital, they will see you whether you can pay or not. If you can't afford it, they have free bed funds, just let them know. Even if it cost a couple hundred bucks, its a small price to pay for happiness.

Now, onto your depression. Alcohol is a depressant and only makes it worse. You are probably not so bad when you are sober. Also, if you have some kind of chemical inbalance, booze won't fix that, either. It will make your problems worse. Try quiting it and see what happens. If it doesn't fix the problem, maybe you have really low dopamine or something is up with the pleasure sensors in your brain. All of this can be fixed with medication, very easily, and isn't a "psychiatric" issue. Its a medical issue. I'm not a doctor but that is exactly what one would tell you to do. Problem solved, its that easy. And the only "manning up" you will have to do is taking care of this issue before it gets worse.
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Sadly this is Ultimate-guitar, not Simple-guitar. We can't help you.


#16
Quote by mystical_1
If you go to a hospital, they will see you whether you can pay or not. If you can't afford it, they have free bed funds, just let them know. Even if it cost a couple hundred bucks, its a small price to pay for happiness.

Now, onto your depression. Alcohol is a depressant and only makes it worse. You are probably not so bad when you are sober. Also, if you have some kind of chemical inbalance, booze won't fix that, either. It will make your problems worse. Try quiting it and see what happens. If it doesn't fix the problem, maybe you have really low dopamine or something is up with the pleasure sensors in your brain. All of this can be fixed with medication, very easily, and isn't a "psychiatric" issue. Its a medical issue. I'm not a doctor but that is exactly what one would tell you to do. Problem solved, its that easy. And the only "manning up" you will have to do is taking care of this issue before it gets worse.


Honestly, Idk if I could tell the truth. I've talked to doctors and such(normal check ups and physicals and also post failed stupid loser attempts that should have been better and successful) but for some reason I just deny everything and say I was just being dumb/irrational for a bit and feel embarrassed.

Edit: I thin think I owe about 3000$ because I didn't pay last time when they had to give me stitches. My roommate ruined that one and called the cops.
"Could everyone please stop sounding like everyone else that's trying to sound like meshuggah?"

-Emil Werstler

Quote by damian_91
Kurt Cobain, the best guitarist to ever live.

Last edited by brandon2784 at May 4, 2014,
#17
I agree on the alcohol. Whenever I drank alcohol I had total breakdowns and felt even worse the next day. That continued for a while. Try changing your diet as well? If you're eating carbs or lots of sugary food, stop that, and eat animals instead.

What mystical_1 is saying seems to make sense.

Quote by brandon2784
Honestly, Idk if I could tell the truth. I've talked to doctors and such(normal check ups and physicals and also post failed stupid loser attempts that should have been better and successful) but for some reason I just deny everything and say I was just being dumb/irrational for a bit and feel embarrassed.


I was like that too. I told my doctor I was feeling depressed but I couldn't say anymore than that.
Last edited by Philip_pepper at May 4, 2014,
#18
Quote by Philip_pepper
I agree on the alcohol. Whenever I drank alcohol I had total breakdowns and felt even worse the next day. That continued for a while. Try changing your diet as well? If you're eating carbs or lots of sugary food, stop that, and eat animals instead.

What mystical_1 is saying seems to make sense.


I was like that too. I told my doctor I was feeling depressed but I couldn't say anymore than that.


That was part of my latest self improvement things that I started in January. It was OK for a bit, I even gained about 15 lbs in the last 3-4 months. Then I realized I was still shit and that wasn't that great so now I'm binging again.
"Could everyone please stop sounding like everyone else that's trying to sound like meshuggah?"

-Emil Werstler

Quote by damian_91
Kurt Cobain, the best guitarist to ever live.

#20
If you're willing to denounce every chance of trying to better yourself with bullshit like

Quote by brandon2784
I'm too much of a p*ssy


like it's some incurable birth-defect than I don't even know what you want from us.

What makes you think the rest of us wake up with a shit-eating grin every day and effortlessly cruise through our lives while constantly ecstatic? What makes you think that we have just been given our happiness while you for some reason have to work for it?

If you're feeling this bad you need help and I'm sorry that you've ended up feeling this way. I wish you the best of luck with trying to get past this stage in your life.

But if you're willing to denounce every possible solution people throw at you by blaming your attitude like it's something you don't control then it doesn't feel like you want help at all. It feels more like you want the happiness to be given to you while you sit on your ass and somehow muster up the courage to tell people who've worked for their happiness that they're lucky compared to you.

You have one thing right. If this is how you feel there's a good chance you've been dealt a bad hand in life and you'll have to overcome that - a lot of people have it better than you. Because of this you have the right to bitch but only if you're actually trying to do something about it. Happiness is not gonna be given to you just as it wasn't simply given to the majority of Earth's population.


Gozd in gora poj,
silen ženimo hrup,
uboga gmajna, le vpup, le vkup,
le vkup, le vkup z menoj,
staro pravdo v mrak tulimo,
da se pretulimo skozi to zimo
Last edited by JamSessionFreak at May 4, 2014,
#21
Quote by brandon2784
Honestly, Idk if I could tell the truth. I've talked to doctors and such(normal check ups and physicals and also post failed stupid loser attempts that should have been better and successful) but for some reason I just deny everything and say I was just being dumb/irrational for a bit and feel embarrassed.

Edit: I thin think I owe about 3000$ because I didn't pay last time when they had to give me stitches. My roommate ruined that one and called the cops.


Lots of depressed people have a tendency to help others rather than themselves. It's easier. And it's also because they tend to be very empathic (able to tell when someone else is hurting and sympathetic toward them). Inevitably, it doesn't work because it doesn't fix the problem that you have with yourself. Its just another placebo to make you feel good about yourself without actually fixing the problem. People don't give back what they are given. In the end, you feel more alone than you did.

Go to a different hospital if you owe money. I had a friend kill himself a while back, and all he probably needed was medication for a medical condition in the brain where you don't get enough sarotonin or dopamine. He was never ever happy. They know what causes that now. Alcohol and drugs worked for a time with him but eventually compounded all of his problems and never increased his dopamine levels, it lowered them. And gave him lots of things to feel guilty for, which doesn't help, either.

It is worth a try and you may be suprised by how quick and cheap a fix it is. These aren't prehistoric times anymore. They got this down to a science now. In brain scans, you can actually see the issues with the brain when there are chemical inbalances. Lower brain activity means lower everything, including the will just to get up and do simple things.

Don't concentrate on the problem. Concentrate on the solution. There is hope and options out there that you don't even know exist. Go find them.
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Sadly this is Ultimate-guitar, not Simple-guitar. We can't help you.


#22
Quote by DirtyMakik
Listen to this man, he's got Alex in his avatar, he knows his sh!t.

Quote by dubstar92
awesome avatar dude




Wow a signature
#23
Psychotherapy may be a better idea than posting here.
The more you say 'epic' the less it means.
#24
If you haven't felt right since you were 14, it seems like you might have an actual psychological issue that you can address with proper professional help.

I was obsessed about what people thought about me, obsessed about people making proper eye contact with me, and obsessed about being seen as valuable and having power over others. It really made me miserable because reality never matched my expectations and I could never connect with anyone because of how obsessed I was with maintaining this image of myself that I had in my head.

Turns out I have OCD and an eating disorder. Engaging in both these things ended up in me having constant thoughts about the dumbest things, and I could never handle uncertainty well. People not liking me seemed to have a really huge effect on my happiness, and only when I started getting help for those things did I see for the first time in my life what its like to function "normally".

If you have a chemical imbalance in your brain or a legitimate anxiety disorder, then its not your fault you put so much emphasis on seemingly trivial things and getting help for it will be extremely beneficial. But it takes time and trial and error and practice in not engaging your anxious thoughts.

If you have to reliquish some independence and do something like move back in with your parents until you can get back on your feet again, I'd say its totally worth it. It's very tough to get over mental issues on your own and having a support system, even if its just one parent, is so much better than trying to solve everything yourself.
#25
Quote by Dynamight
Psychotherapy may be a better idea than posting here.


Yes

Source: studied psychology for 2 years in high school
#27
Quote by E7#9
Have you ever considered trying to identify what it is about your life that makes you so miserable?

Identify it and then take steps to improved it.



Having gone through what TS has, that's probably one of the most frustrating things to figure out, it's not so much finding out what makes you miserable because it's never just one or two things, it's usually a large amount of small things, most of which we can't change or fix.

The main challenge is actually finding ways to deal with how you feel, and honestly TS I know you think people will judge you irl if you tell them how you feel but honestly getting help is the best thing ever I did, even though I was somewhat forced into doing it.

Get yourself some therapy or counseling and get yourself on antidepressants.

Another thing is to try and remake yourself, if you find you're doing things that make you unhappy, do things that do make you happy, even if it means taking the plunge doing things with people you don't know you can meet lots of new people and enjoy yourself.

I've tried to end it bro and fortunately I managed to keep going, I got help and I'm a lot better than I was, not perfect, but happier than I've been for a long time.

Another big thing I found was to get a regime and focus, fill your time with a lot of things, seeing friends, studying, a job, activities, relaxing etc.
It'll make you feel like you're doing something with your life while not burning you out.

Anyways hope this helps you in some way
Quote by Horsedick.MPEG
How do you prepare tea?

Quote by theogonia777
thrown into the boston harbor

Quote by Crofty89
Only if you boil the ocean first



JUST BOUGHT SIKTH DEATH OF A DEAD DAY ALBUM FROM THE US AND IT CAME WITH THE 6 YEAR OLD SIGNED POSTER (30/4/12) WIN
#28
Quote by brandon2784

Why? Why me?

Why can't I be someone who matters? Someone who has meaning? Someone who is happy?

If whining like this actually worked, everybody in the world would be someone who matters.

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#30
So you want to ruin someone else's life by jumping in front of a random car on the highway nice. Just because your life might be shit right now doesn't mean you should make some random person's life the same way. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
#31
Don't drink when you're sad. Drink when you're happy.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#32
Quote by vayne92
dude you're 22...


What, because he's 22 he can't feel pain? Because he's 22 his problems don't matter?

Need to elaborate a bit more.
ayy lmao
#33
Quote by smokin_sarah
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
.

this is such a stupid ****ing statement
ayy lmao
#34
Quote by chookiecookie
What, because he's 22 he can't feel pain? Because he's 22 his problems don't matter?

Need to elaborate a bit more.


no, most likely because he's 22, so he's far from stuck in life
#35
Quote by mystical_1
Lots of depressed people have a tendency to help others rather than themselves. It's easier. And it's also because they tend to be very empathic (able to tell when someone else is hurting and sympathetic toward them). Inevitably, it doesn't work because it doesn't fix the problem that you have with yourself. Its just another placebo to make you feel good about yourself without actually fixing the problem. People don't give back what they are given. In the end, you feel more alone than you did.

Go to a different hospital if you owe money. I had a friend kill himself a while back, and all he probably needed was medication for a medical condition in the brain where you don't get enough sarotonin or dopamine. He was never ever happy. They know what causes that now. Alcohol and drugs worked for a time with him but eventually compounded all of his problems and never increased his dopamine levels, it lowered them. And gave him lots of things to feel guilty for, which doesn't help, either.

It is worth a try and you may be suprised by how quick and cheap a fix it is. These aren't prehistoric times anymore. They got this down to a science now. In brain scans, you can actually see the issues with the brain when there are chemical inbalances. Lower brain activity means lower everything, including the will just to get up and do simple things.

Don't concentrate on the problem. Concentrate on the solution. There is hope and options out there that you don't even know exist. Go find them.


Quoted for truth, and interesting/helpful facts. Totally A+++ post; this may be the best I've ever seen on UG on this topic. TS, you should really take this to heart, and also listen to the other guy (Phillip?) who says he's gone through the same things as you.
#36
Quote by progdude93
no, most likely because he's 22, so he's far from stuck in life


The way he worded it made it sound like the way he feels is unjustified because he's 22 ;_;

I'll just leave it at that though.
ayy lmao
#37
Quote by mystical_1
Don't concentrate on the problem. Concentrate on the solution.


This is one of the truest things I've ever heard. If you can grasp this concept, you can overcome anything.
#38
Quote by chookiecookie
The way he worded it made it sound like the way he feels is unjustified because he's 22 ;_;

I'll just leave it at that though.


i don't think so
#39
This thread has like the perfect balance between great posts, and then just the dumbest posts ever.

I'm not going to rehash some of the same stuff that other people have said, cause they've already said it, but I can definitely relate. I don't remember the last time I was happy, I see no future in front of me, etc etc. One thing that helps me on just the little things to get through each minute/hour/day/etc, is just try not to do things that you know make you feel sad. Like, a lot of the music that I listen to is really bloody depressing, and although it makes me 'feel' something, it just drives me deeper and deeper into the chasm I'm already in. Just try to avoid stuff that makes you feel like that.

Also, thanks for posting this. Telling anyone, even if it's strangers, helps. Good luck man, don't do anything drastic, and just preserver until you find something that works for you.
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#40
so that last night we spent together meant nothing? you weren't happy then?

babby, i NEVER
Page 1 of 2