#1
Accessing peace and what lies dormant
Eternally swathed within us all
Dive under or rise asunder
Reach

Or each as a consequence,
layering and circling
-thrive for more

More is the equivalent of seasons
And you're living on now
Protesting time

Adding numbers towards the vile
Slipping, painting off the grid to asunder
With fragile hands, unending pain
Or fails

Little ticks, nicked arteries
Bewildered games, daunting and stupid
Or fatality a display for more

Or each as a consequence,
layering and circling
-thrive for more

More is the river continuous and unending
And you are living on now
Protesting time

Accessing peace and what lies dormant
For whats genuine is whats within
Is you


Some form of lyric, while it may have turned into a poem instead. I dunnolol. Gotta practice some regularity I guess sometimes.
Last edited by Eccer at Sep 26, 2015,
#2
When you repeated the word "asunder" I was thinking, such an odd word to happen to come up twice in a poem... this had to be done on purpose.

And then I continued reading and saw you continue to mimic the first verses.

It gave a great effect to the poem of "layering and circling" and made me feel as though I went in a circle, yet somehow this circle is not the same circle I was in before.

I liked the works man!
#3
Really flows nicely, almost like circling round the same thoughts over and over. I can't see anything that I'd change personally.

Great read, I think this would make some awesome lyrics but it works as it is also.
#5
The lyrics have brilliant syntax and flow, and I like how you managed to incorporate repetition while keeping each verse feeling new. Awesome work.