#1
Haunted by memories of a stranger with my face
A relentless reminder of a past I can't erase
Guilt so consuming poisoning my mind with shame
But even the most toxic of venom cower at the sound of your name

Sweet Jesus, Son of God, you took the nails for me
Your innocent blood rained down to cleanse my soul at Sacred Calvary
Tears of forgiveness and love fell from your eyes
With my sins on the cross you were crucified

Bound by the anchor of my deceiving flesh
Lurking in my shadow feeding on my weakness
Like a cancerous addiction it stalks me
Whispering lies in my ear
eagerly awaiting my submission with its deceitful sneer

I refuse to surrender, for this battles been won
The truth is my strength, Christ Jesus the Son

Sweet Jesus, Son of God, you took the nails for me
Your innocent blood rained down to cleanse my soul at Sacred Calvary
Tears of forgiveness and love fell from your eyes
With my sins on the cross you were crucified
How Glorious My Father, The King Of All Kings, by your loving sacrifice I am redeemed
#2
This is personal I can tell, because you have deeper meaning for it, meaning there's a poet in you :-) What I suggest is for you is to experiment more, but keep at what you have. You write well, and you have a nice and comfortable diction which flows from word to word. But the whole piece feels a little bit too...obvious, if you get what I mean? I like the simplicity of it, but it doesn't give me that much room for interpretion, give us a perplex here and there, dive into deeper thoughts and try to explain them, even if it doesn't quite make sense, subconsciousness is a wonderful thing. Look around at other peoples work and study them, build on your interests but start simple And please do write more, this place will help you if you use it correctly.
#3
Thank you so much for the feedback!! I am new to writing an joined to learn how I can get better!! You are right about this piece being personal, for sure! I appreciate you taking the time to read it, and offering some constructive criticism and encouragement!! Thank you so much!