#1
I wrote this in the kind of style that I think I can emulate better than others. This song is very close and terribly true for me. I appreciate all input. Let's get to the chase:


Oh doc come quick please help me
you wouldn't ever believe
the symptoms I've been showing
since my baby left me.

They've come and gone they're back again
and I know they won't quit.
They come with time and what I eat
and change with the seasons

I can't eat or sleep and when I do
it's never as good as when we wined
and dined and I woke to find
her there in my room.

Oh doc pray surely you'll help
I fear I can't shake this bug
I can't get back my heart
from the one I still love

I lose my mind from time to time
Thinking she's there
I laugh and gaff and swear And spit
and prattle to the air

She's so smart and shines so bright
all others I can't see
The confidence behind her words
gives me weak knees

I get aches and pains so bad
they bring a tear to my eye
when I think of all the things she said
that have turned into lies

Oh doc check Robbins and Cotran,
the most recent edition
to shed some light upon my plight
This chronic cursed condition

oh doc, you're the best in class
Surely you'll know what to do
To rid me of the disease
of being in love with you.
Last edited by Thecytochromec at May 12, 2014,
#2
A country song without one reference to a pickup truck, well done! It's quite good, sounds like a ballad in the vein of Hank Jr or Kris Kristofferson in my head. It has the theme of asking a doctor for help, and you do a good job at keeping that throughout. I especially like "chronic cursed condition." Who hasn't felt that way about love before, AMIRITE?!?
For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "if I live I will kill you."
"If I die, you are forgiven."
Such is the rule of honour.
#3
Hey!

Thanks so much for the kind words. I liked it myself but wasn't sure if it was cliche or anything. I haven't written any chords yet but the rythm is pretty set, I feel. I'm a bit worried that my thread title prevents a lot of people from reading it or making any comments. I was thinking maybe I should give it some esoteric name and I'd get a few more hits lol. At any rate, I really appreciate your input and I hope to make some more material soon.
#4
It just occured to me that I may not be making it clear enough that the doctor is the one which I'm in love with. The last line refers to "you" as the same person in every case. Also, the reference to intelligence and confidence as well as the whole premise of the story is based on this principle. I know she's the best in class, because I watched her throughout her academic career. I don't know if I will change it though, I just hope some people see what the case really is.
Last edited by Thecytochromec at May 18, 2014,
#5
So sorry for your loss, the lyrics are wonderful, simple and relate able. Well done, can't wait to read another!