#1
very rough sketch.

 
endless, however;
wherever footprints raised from
the dirt, embossed from within,
those treasured isles floating away
in swift currents

		(nearly, identical in every fashion,
			hopelessly lured into
				from again, 
			these walls turned 
		yellow.
		)
from without, 
another transformed reason;
to stay; but, yet withheld,
i meander with gravitas
found, altogether elsewhere;

how can i?
for a last time
i consider your face,
inspecting hundreds of years
of ancestry,
squinting lamely in the dull light - 

it seems little
to behold the shoreline,
but then it seemed little
to beheld the line.
#2
Loving the formatting and the way this sort of sways around. I also think this is a sketch in a good way, it alludes to things but doesn't easily give it's secrets away.

My only complaint is the last line doesn't sit quite right with me, both grammatically (is that intentional?) and in the sense that is a more closed ended image than the rest of this, but not quite so different as to provide a strong contrast.

I must say I've been really enjoying all your workings with space in your recent stuff.
#3
thanks for the read. i think the last line was more a sort of reversal of the preceding line before it; i'm not in love with it in terms of what it brings to the table metaphorically, or image-wise, but i do like the way it sounds.
#4
i liked this. thought the flow was fine, personally. it was a little awkward to read the first time through but that was just because i wasn't used to the stops and the odd phrasing you're using here.

and i think the ending is pretty dece. the contrast between the wandering half-sentences/pauses in the beginning, as opposed to the more decisive and full sentences at the end, was a nice way to bring it to a close.