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#1
So I was talking to my mom today and found out from her that my sister feels like i don't care about her. This hit me pretty hard since i do care about her and my family, but i realized that i don't ever really spend time with her. Part of this i think is due to me not living at home anymore, but i also think that i have not put the effort in to hanging out with her like i should have been doing. I've got a decent relationship with my brother because we can play video games together online or occasionally he'll come work out with me, but with her we don't have much common ground.


Another problem besides not having very similar interests is that she is also seven years younger than i am. I don't really know what teenage girls like to do considering that i have never been a teenage girl, nor did i ever really hang out with them until i could drive and stuff.


I really have no clue how i can build a better relationship with her. We both like movies so i could probably invite her to watch one sometime, and i've also thought about inviting her to come lift weights or exercise since she does dance and ballet, but other than that i have no idea what i can do. Can you guys give me some ideas as to what i can do to fix this problem?


Also, if you're going to joke post, at least add a serious reply as well please.
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Last edited by angusfan16 at May 15, 2014,
#2
Text her asking how her day was and stuff like that.
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#4
I think it's pretty cool your going to try to have a better relationship with her because my older sister never gave a shit about me. I'm actually kinda jealous whenever I see siblings hanging out and stuff. I wouldn't want to have that with my sister though, I wish I had a cool sister that wasn't a psycho bitch.
#5
I'm sure you're a fine brother
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#6
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I'm sure you're a fine brother


I'm really glad you changed that post, because it just about set me off.


Yeah i had planned on at least talking to her a few times throughout the week, already plan on going over to my parents house and helping her with homework occasionally as well.
Sail upon the open skies
#7
Think you have it sorted Angus.
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#8
Quote by angusfan16
I'm really glad you changed that post, because it just about set me off.


Yeah i had planned on at least talking to her a few times throughout the week, already plan on going over to my parents house and helping her with homework occasionally as well.

I think this is really all you have to do. I think she just wants to know that you're making an effort.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#9
Quote by angusfan16
I'm really glad you changed that post, because it just about set me off.

Alas, it was a jest.

But honestly I've always been pretty close to my older (and only) sister. I tell her things way in advance before I tell my mom.

So I don't have any actual advice. Next time she goes out on a small trip, ask to go along. Or invite her when you do. Car rides provide a good bonding environment.
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#10
I used to be a teenage girl and I always wanted an older brother since I was an only child

If she likes cooking you could cook something together. Go watch a movie that she wants to see or something. Actually movie would be a good place to start if talking to her feels weird because you only have to talk after the movie but you're still doing something nice for her.

I have two cousins who are 14 and they both live 10 mins away from me and they both think I'm cooler than their older sisters (who are 18 and 19) for some reason so they always want to do stuff with me. Sometimes we go walk through the forest near where we live and they're always playing music on their phones or something so they tell me all about it and I tell them about stuff that lives in the forest, then we get something to eat after. I used to just watch movies with them and their sisters but after a while I got more comfortable with them so we'd do other things afterwards.

I can go shopping with one of them easily because she's actually a lot taller than me so we can go to the same stores and it's like shopping with someone my own age. She's also really really trend conscious and she wants different things from what people her age shop at so she likes going with me. I know what her mom is okay with her wearing but I don't prevent her from going into certain stores like her mom would so I guess I'm responsible but friendly at the same time.

I also helped one of them plan the others' birthday party so that was fun. They also really want to talk to me about whatever TV shows or music or anything so I went through that high school musical phase with them, then Justin Bieber, then the Kardashians, then #RichKids, and I actually don't know what they're into now since it's been a while since I talked to them.

They also snapchat me stuff every day so I reply

If they have a test or something at school I just text them like "good luck for your test/how was your test lets do something after you're done with school" etc
cat
Last edited by guitarxo at May 15, 2014,
#11
ICE SKATING! - If you have a rink nearby then it would be an awesome idea. In general, who doesn't love it, but she does dancing and ballet which would help her with balance. It's just a fun time for everyone. It could even turn into a thing you and her do every so often as its a constant progression every time.

I think you'll be fine, you're not too estranged to never mend the relationship. My family is toxic with each other to the point where my brothers don't see our mum as being a mother anymore. Part of the reason why I have such bad cabin fever, I got to get away from the toxic environment.
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#13
Quote by angusfan16
Part of this i think is due to me not living at home anymore, but i also think that i have not put the effort in to hang out with her like i should have been doing.


Yeah man, that's all there is too it really. Just gotta make the time to hang out with her, doesn't really matter what it consists of either. It's not like she hates your guts, so don't fret too much!

I don't really know what teenage girls like to do considering that i have never been a teenage girl


That made me lol btw.
Last edited by Hardlycore at May 15, 2014,
#15
My oldest sister is 6 years older than me. Even though she's older, we still share the similar taste in music. I try to spend time with my sisters (im the middle child, it sucks, i never get attention), but one is too stupid to handle, and the other is "too old" to hang out with me. So there are problems with the age gap.

That's life, OP. Just try to talk to your sister and find out what's making her feel this way. My sisters definitely feel like i don't spend enough time with them, also.
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#16
^ I'm in the middle too but I don't think I suffer from the "middle child curse". I think I've managed to avoid that by doing really crazy stuff (compared to my brothers). My parents end up worrying about me and whether or not I'm going to end up dead or in a hospital whereas they just want my brothers to do well in life.

I think I have this problem with my brothers. My mom may have once said that they feel I don't really care for them. I kind of saw that in my own behaviour and how my friends treated their siblings. I tried to change it but I ended up moving to Australia.
I think my family is pretty tight anyway. We eat dinner together every night and all that.
Last edited by Extra Ordinary at May 15, 2014,
#17
From my own experience, just talking is enough to start. My brother and I were close before I moved here but now we're probably closer because we talk outside of a family environment. We skype each other as friends rather than talking because we're together at a family thing.
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#18
so she lives with your mom and you don't live too far away? why don't you get your mom to come up with a good excuse for you to come home for a bit at a time when your sister will be home so that you'll have a chance to chat with her and have dinner with her at home and all that. after that i'm sure you'll have a much better idea of how to spend time with her.
i don't know why i feel so dry
#19
Quote by lolmnt
Text her asking how her day was and stuff like that.

+1

Also, call her once in a while. Girls like to talk, man. Listen. Say stuff in response. Repeat.
#20
im more autistic than ian when it comes to family

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#21
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+1

Also, call her once in a while. Girls like to talk, man. Listen. Say stuff in response. Repeat.

Yeah just generally younger people like it when older people take a genuine interest in what they're doing
cat
#22
Quote by angusfan16
So I was talking to my mom today and found out from her that my sister feels like i don't care about her. This hit me pretty hard since i do care about her and my family, but i realized that i don't ever really spend time with her. Part of this i think is due to me not living at home anymore, but i also think that i have not put the effort in to hanging out with her like i should have been doing. I've got a decent relationship with my brother because we can play video games together online or occasionally he'll come work out with me, but with her we don't have much common ground.


Another problem besides not having very similar interests is that she is also seven years younger than i am. I don't really know what teenage girls like to do considering that i have never been a teenage girl, nor did i ever really hang out with them until i could drive and stuff.


I really have no clue how i can build a better relationship with her. We both like movies so i could probably invite her to watch one sometime, and i've also thought about inviting her to come lift weights or exercise since she does dance and ballet, but other than that i have no idea what i can do. Can you guys give me some ideas as to what i can do to fix this problem?


Also, if you're going to joke post, at least add a serious reply as well please.


I had the same as you, just with my aunt. My aunt is very big on organising this harley davidson meet up with all these chopper guys, really not my style of people, some of them have connections with hells angels and stuff. But I made an efford and went a full weekend (included camping in a tent and such) and it was actually pretty fun, although not my atmosphere of people, they had a life band and I had some laughs with my aunt, uncle and nephews.
Maybe there's something similiar that your sister does that you could take part in every once in a while?
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Last edited by BjarnedeGraaf at May 16, 2014,
#23
Quote by angusfan16
So I was talking to my mom today and found out from her that my sister feels like i don't care about her. This hit me pretty hard since i do care about her and my family, but i realized that i don't ever really spend time with her. Part of this i think is due to me not living at home anymore, but i also think that i have not put the effort in to hanging out with her like i should have been doing. I've got a decent relationship with my brother because we can play video games together online or occasionally he'll come work out with me, but with her we don't have much common ground.


Waitaminute... it takes two to tango.
What exactly has your sister done to show she cares about you? Has she invited you to spend time with her? Does she ever call you?
#24
I didn't read all replies but I have a much older sister (14 years), we have a good relationship. But as siblings it's kind of the same. You don't have to spend that much time with them and certainly don't try doing something you don't really enjoy together.

Call from time to time and send texts. Girls like to be more social than us and usually need to interact more, she probably thinks it's nice just to hear your voice from time to time. Just ask how she's doing and what's going on in her life and so on, the simple things. Just what she's up to and been doing. It doesn't have to be much at all. Throw in some teasing her about liking some boys or whatever. As you get closer you can talk about deeper subjects. You probably are more important to her than you realize and people are different, like said some of us guys have very low need for contact, even with family, but it's rarely mutual. My older brother almost never contacts me, I am an emotionally strong guy and admit it still hurts - probably a fraction of how it is for TS sister.
To be honest, she probably cries about you and feels very sad that you're not talking to her. I think it's great that you want to improve the relationship because family is important.

Edit: In comment to the above poster, it's always the older sibling who has the primary responsibility of taking/maintaining contact (especially when they're not yet adults) - it's just the way it works.
Last edited by fanapathy at May 16, 2014,
#25
Quote by eGraham
Alas, it was a jest.


It's all good.


Thanks for the suggestions guys. We're watching godzilla tonight, and it was actually her choice so that's pretty awesome haha.


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Waitaminute... it takes two to tango.
What exactly has your sister done to show she cares about you? Has she invited you to spend time with her? Does she ever call you?



Not really going to hold her accountable for all that since she is barely a 14 year old girl, and i know she cares about me which is all i need.
Sail upon the open skies
#26
Quote by SlackerBabbath
Waitaminute... it takes two to tango.
What exactly has your sister done to show she cares about you? Has she invited you to spend time with her? Does she ever call you?


I've often found that line of thinking to be kinda pointless. If neither party makes the first move, how do you know? Maybe the sister is struggling with the same issue as TS, or it could be one of those situations where one assumes the other to get in contact first, but it never happens.

Sure if after a while of meeting up and organising things his family seem to be disinterested in organising to meet up or something like that, then the red flags would definitely be going up.
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#27
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Yeah just generally younger people like it when older people take a genuine interest in what they're doing

Hey baby watcha up too?
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#28
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Take her to a shower.


fixed

Edit

Quote by guitarxo
Yeah just generally younger people like it when older people take a genuine interest in what they're doing


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#29
I never had a younger sibling, but I am the youngest of three offspring. I've got two older sisters.

I don't know if this helps, but from my experience as being in a similar position to your sister, my advice would be when you do see/talk to her, to make her feel as though you're treating her as an equal; don't look down on her as your "little sister".

I've got somewhat of an inferiority complex and feel as though I'm always living in the shadow of my two very smart sisters.

If you interact with her on an equal level, you might make her feel less insecure (I'm not saying she is insecure, but you know what i mean I think).
#30
Take her to lunch or something.

She's also getting to that age when she might appreciate advice about boys and that sort of thing.
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#31
I feel like a bad brother cuz i'm not really super close to my sisters. But i'm not really super close with anybody, but especially my family cuz it's always just felt awkward. I would take my sisters to concerts and stuff but I am too poor to buy 3 tickets on top of having to drive 4+ hours one way to get there. I am gonna try and invite them to play tennis with me this summer maybe. One is in high school and one is in junior high so I don't really have much in common with them and being annoying teenage girls makes me feel weird to hang out with them.

Sometimes I feel bad. I'm gonna post a picture of us from when we were little on facebook to show that I care #tbt
#32
Quote by angusfan16

Another problem besides not having very similar interests is that she is also seven years younger than i am. I don't really know what teenage girls like to do considering that i have never been a teenage girl, nor did i ever really hang out with them until i could drive and stuff.

Ask her. I remember your user name and like you because you're a pretty cool guy, so I won't respond with some stupid joke or sarcasm. Ask her about what she likes and try to find some common ground.


We both like movies so i could probably invite her to watch one sometime

Bad idea, IMO. Movies are very subject to taste and since you don't know her taste I would avoid it.

i've also thought about inviting her to come lift weights or exercise since she does dance and ballet,

This is a pretty good failsafe idea. It you can't find a common ground go with this and explain how t could benefit her.


*I haven't read the thread or know if anything similar has been posted since I don't have this problem but wanted to help.
#33
Quote by bradulator
I feel like a bad brother cuz i'm not really super close to my sisters. But i'm not really super close with anybody, but especially my family cuz it's always just felt awkward. I would take my sisters to concerts and stuff but I am too poor to buy 3 tickets on top of having to drive 4+ hours one way to get there. I am gonna try and invite them to play tennis with me this summer maybe. One is in high school and one is in junior high so I don't really have much in common with them and being annoying teenage girls makes me feel weird to hang out with them.

Sometimes I feel bad. I'm gonna post a picture of us from when we were little on facebook to show that I care #tbt


this makes me sad. cause them being in high school and middle school this is probably when you'd have the best influence on them as future adults but at the same time it's the hardest to even talk to them. i hope you find something in common with them
i don't know why i feel so dry
#34
Pick her up from school, ask if she has crushes, take her out to eat n stuff, movies, bike rides. Try to get on her level. Sure you weren't a teenage girl, but you were a teenager, try and work with that. Also you should apologize to her about how she feels and let her know that you want to be a big brother for her. Be as real as possible with her, and try not to make it awkward.

When friends and family are mostly gone, your siblings are who will be a link to your cherished past.
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#35
Quote by Eastwinn
this makes me sad. cause them being in high school and middle school this is probably when you'd have the best influence on them as future adults but at the same time it's the hardest to even talk to them. i hope you find something in common with them


I know right? We do have stuff in common. The older one is old enough in high school that she is not so annoying and we have things that we can bond over intelligently (don't get any ideas buddy). The other one is just super annoying usually but she is cool other times. We have bonded more as of late kinda due to all of the troubles in the family, but still don't really do any fun things together. I suppose I should try and make a bigger effort this summer to get closer since I will be graduating from college soon. I am like way more open and talkative to my friends than I am to my family. It's like I never grew out of that phase teens go through where they hate their family, except I don't hate them I am just real quiet around them like I don't really know them which is sad. Like they probably don't really know a whole lot about me and my personality cuz I have always masked it around them.

sad brad
#36
Quote by bradulator
I know right? We do have stuff in common. The older one is old enough in high school that she is not so annoying and we have things that we can bond over intelligently (don't get any ideas buddy). The other one is just super annoying usually but she is cool other times. We have bonded more as of late kinda due to all of the troubles in the family, but still don't really do any fun things together. I suppose I should try and make a bigger effort this summer to get closer since I will be graduating from college soon. I am like way more open and talkative to my friends than I am to my family. It's like I never grew out of that phase teens go through where they hate their family, except I don't hate them I am just real quiet around them like I don't really know them which is sad. Like they probably don't really know a whole lot about me and my personality cuz I have always masked it around them.

sad brad


i'd guess they feel the same way. if i were you, and i've never been in this situation so my advice doesn't mean much, i'd do whatever i could to keep you three together. you've posted about your family life before and judging by that i bet your sisters would appreciate you turning out to be a totally positive part of their lives.

the worst part is that it's clear what needs to be done but not how to do it. that shit's frustrating. good luck, keep them away from shitheads like me ~
i don't know why i feel so dry
#37
I am a only child and most of the time i was living with my mom. So i spend quite a lot time alone. I saw my rest of my familie now and then, but mostly i was alone. When i moved with my GF, who is really close to her family i couldnt belive how annoying it was. They where on visit all the time, but i guess thats normal when you have a normal family.

Try to be nicer to your sister Angus or someday you will regret it
#38
Quote by angusfan16

Not really going to hold her accountable for all that since she is barely a 14 year old girl, and i know she cares about me which is all i need.



Quote by i_lovemetallica
I've often found that line of thinking to be kinda pointless. If neither party makes the first move, how do you know? Maybe the sister is struggling with the same issue as TS, or it could be one of those situations where one assumes the other to get in contact first, but it never happens.

Sure if after a while of meeting up and organising things his family seem to be disinterested in organising to meet up or something like that, then the red flags would definitely be going up.

The point I'm making is that, for whatever reason, angusfan and his sister appear to have lost touch along the way, but it's his sister who appears to be doing all the blaming.
It would be worth pointing out to her that when family members drift apart it's either nobody's fault or they should both accept equal reponsibility for it if neither of them have tried to contact the other. That will (hopefully) allow her to move on from blaming angusfan for the drifting apart and make it easier for them to build a new relationship.
#40
My sister is two years younger than me, my other sister ten years. I have pretty strong (but very different) relationships with both, despite living a plane ride away from home. My middle sister is a great athlete so we have always shared that in common and have been very competitive with each other our whole lives. My youngest sister is obviously significantly younger, but growing up with two much older siblings has made her very mature, so I actually get along really well with her. The three of us enjoy playing hockey, listening to music, swimming, just being aroun each other. But as some people have mentioned, the best advice I can offer is to just make an effort. It will make a world of difference I'm sure, just for her to know you're trying to give her attention or spend time with her.
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