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#1
So, I am a guitarist but I excel at drums and play drums in a very established, popular, professional band. These people are (were) my family. They were all I had. I recently had a rough breakup and am going through major health problems (which I don't let my band know about how major they are and drumming with them was actually one of my only escapes from the severe pain I'm in - both emotionally and physically).

My band has a powerhouse singer who has won many awards. The other three are very average musicians. The guitarist is definitely the weakest link, he has no clue about scales, how to solo, all over the place with time when it's just him playing or starting a song. But he's also the husband of the powerhouse/amazing singer. He's also the designated "leader" of the band and "songwriter". He has been frustrated about writing songs lately when he brings basically no ideas to the table. When he plays a riff, even if it sucks I never say anything and just try a million different drum beats. We recently wrote 2 songs and I am so proud of them. He thinks I am not "clicking" when he's the one who can't even figure out a simple solo in the same key of the song!!!

They actually said I am too good for them?! They said a million times how much they adore me as a person, how much of an "amazing" drummer I am. But uh, we don't want you. WHAT?!?!! I am nominated for drummer of the year in my state and the award ceremony is coming up. First 20 drummers were nominated and now it's down to 4, I am one of them. I have a degree in music. I am the only person in this band who has been in many other successful bands. I am the most professional when it comes to the business side of being in a band. I have been nothing but helpful. When most people in my shoes would become so frustrated with being so much better than the other musicians, I always kept my cool and would sometimes offer suggestions if someone just wasn't getting something. Even though the musicians are average (guitar player being the worst, despite being the "leader") we gel as a band and I absolutely love playing. Our singer tears the house down, she is unbelievably good and I have never been more in love with playing with these people.

My life is hell right now for many reasons and I'd keep saying "at least I have this band, at least I have this band". I love them so much. We have the best gigs coming up right now with summer starting. And that award ceremony. And I just bought a new drum kit that LOOKS like my band's look. And I just ordered a custom kick drum head with our logo on it, so ironic. I've been on the floor sobbing for hours. I can't believe this.

After shows, both the singer and I have fans swarm all around us. People I don't know, and drummers/experienced musicians who know what's up always say how awesome I am. And how much better I make them sound (they had an old drummer who had absolutely no idea what he was doing about 4 years ago).

I have nothing right now. Absolutely nothing. I need to be on stage. I need to drum. They kept saying "we love you so much, your drumming is amazing" ?!?!?!? But they want me gone?!?!?! Everyone knows me as the drummer of this band. This can't be happening....this cannot be happening.
#2
^^^ I'm sorry to hear that mate.

I don't think your bandmates are being completely honest with you.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
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#3
I know, that's what I said. I said this makes zero sense. We all get along great. They only possible reason I can think of is that I'm getting a lot of attention from fans and the guitarist is jealous. This band is my. life. I can't believe this. I cannot believe this. Total shock. Betrayal. I am at rock bottom right now.
#4
Wow, this sounds like a break up on so many different levels, and it does sound like there's something else that's not been said.

I don't want to say the obvious, but it's worth mentioning that the hardest thing about any breakup is trying to imagine life without the thing you've now lost.

Reading your post and nomination you come across as a very talented musician. Therefore there isn't anything at all stopping you from getting that next band, that next musical experience. You never know, the next band might be one that makes the biggest impact in both the music scene and your life.

Try not to dwell, try to look forward.

If all else fails, use it to write one hell of a song!
#5
Quote by 6uitar6irl
I know, that's what I said. I said this makes zero sense. We all get along great. They only possible reason I can think of is that I'm getting a lot of attention from fans and the guitarist is jealous. This band is my. life. I can't believe this. I cannot believe this. Total shock. Betrayal. I am at rock bottom right now.


I know you're angry and upset right now, so I'm sure this whole "I'm better than the rest of the band" thing never showed through before.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Soundcloud
#6
I never ever came off as "I'm better than the rest of the band" It's just that I am classically trained (not that self-taught people can't be awesome). My guitarist and bassist struggle with the most basic things. Theyre both great performers on stage, just extremely average and waste a ton of our rehearsal time trying to figure out solos....that are all horrible. And I also really am popular with the fans, big time. I also, by far, have the most stage experience, I have some pretty legit awards and accomplishments. I never toot my on horn, but I am here to get my point across. They actually said I'm such an amazing drummer and they love me and my style. And they love me as a person. I don't get what the real reason is. I haven't slept at all, this is worse than the death of a family member. I am still in complete shock.
#7
^^^ Yes all this attitude above. Hopefully your band didn't catch on that you thought you were better than them.

The way you are describing this band makes them sound quite awful so maybe it's for the best that you can move to a band more deserving of your talents.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Soundcloud
#8
Quote by 6uitar6irl
I never ever came off as "I'm better than the rest of the band" It's just that I am classically trained (not that self-taught people can't be awesome). My guitarist and bassist struggle with the most basic things. Theyre both great performers on stage, just extremely average and waste a ton of our rehearsal time trying to figure out solos....that are all horrible. And I also really am popular with the fans, big time. I also, by far, have the most stage experience, I have some pretty legit awards and accomplishments. I never toot my on horn, but I am here to get my point across. They actually said I'm such an amazing drummer and they love me and my style. And they love me as a person. I don't get what the real reason is. I haven't slept at all, this is worse than the death of a family member. I am still in complete shock.

If you're really that good, prove what you can do without them.

This is not worse than someone dying, and if you're losing sleep over it then you're trying to take things far too seriously.

Get some perspective, it's just a band. If they were as bad as you claim and you were as great as you claim, then you're better off without them.
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#9
No no Im not saying they're awful, I absolutely adore them and when we're stage we click so well and perform our asses off. They are all excellent entertainers and performers. It;s just in practices we'll waste an hour watching our guitarist struggle with trying to find the key. Band rehearsals are not meant to be learning your own part and trying to figure it out while the other members stand there and watch you (maybe for like 10 minutes but he would do this sometimes the entire rehearsal). I never ever gave off the vibe that I felt I was better than them. They know I have a degree in music (which never means you're a better musician than someone anyway) and that I've been in touring bands since I was 17 and have received many distinguished awards. I never ever flaunted that. We got along great, we were like a family. I absolutely love my band. The guitar parts are very simple for our normal songs, and it works with our music. The drumming is pretty advanced -- not that I'm too busy. But it's physically demanding, it's a lot of disco type beats, and punk, and funk (think Carter Beauford from Dave Matthews). I get sooo many compliments that the singer and I are amazing. We are always the ones who get all the attention, and I really think that's annoying to the guitar player. I am actually shy, and super nice to everyone.... I know in what I wrote here it may come off as me being a bitch. But I truly adore my bandmates, the music we make, and the time we spend together. I suffer from major depression and this band is my anti-depressant. I have no interest in joining another band. We truly clicked, they are not awful. I'm racking my brain trying to think of any way they came to this conclusion. because I'm a girl? because I'm younger than them? because I had an incident once where I had a pinched nerve in my hand and could barely drum for one show? (no issues since).

This is a nightmare.

I have nothing now. We're supposed to have my FAVORITE festival to play at this weekend. And another dream gig lined up in June. I was SO excited. They didn't say they already had a drummer. I can't imagine not playing these songs ever again. This is a full-time band, this is my life. We just played a show 2 days ago and it was so much fun. I also do a lot of interaction while on stage with all 4 of my band mates and get the biggest smiles from them or we're constantly laughing singing along, making inside jokes/faces. (Crowd members comment on this too..."you're so fun to watch drum when you interact with them" I get a lot) THe chemistry is there, the personal connection is there. I do not get this. I wish I could share links of my band here but I don't want anyone to see this. How incredibly ruined I am. I asked them 'why' and said it makes no sense and started crying. But oh my god, I am completely. devastated. I know it could seem to outsiders like it's "Just a band" but it's my life. I've been in bands all my life and was so happy to find this one, absolutely perfect for me. Not only the music, but the people. And now it's like a complete betrayal. They said the other two band members agreed. Which is CRAZY. I'm going to try to talk to them, because the other two love me, and I love them. Or else they've been doing a damn good job acting like it. I am completely betrayed.
#10
Sorry to hear about your experience - that could suck!

A young monk was so delighted that he had achieved enlightenment, that he sent a letter to his master who lived high upon the mountain top, informing him of this great news, to which his master sent back a letter of reply reading "fart fart".
Completely confused and in dismay by this the young monk hiked for 2 days solid up the mountain side until finally he reached his master, and asked "master I don't understand"? To which his master replied "but you told me that you had finally attained enlightenment... yet 2 little farts was all it took to blow you all the way up this hill"

A guy with a terrible stutter applies for a job as a radio announcer, when the guy returns home his wife asks if he got the job?... alas n-n-no the poor man sighed in reply... th-they said I was t-t-too tall.

All too often we live inside concentric circles only to one day discover there is another circle beyond that circle...

I hope things get better for you, and if you didn't get the punchline, there is a book called Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, I tried to attach it as a pdf but I couldn't get it to compress to fit U-G requirements. If you haven't already, can I suggest you try and take some time to read through it!

But most importanly, it is what you do now that will define what sort of person you are, so don't lose your cool (EQ not IQ - read some of the book) that way who knows, they might come begging for your return!

Good Luck!
#11
YEs, thanks tonibet. I agree with you.

Last night after I asked "why" and defended myself (not too much) and told them this band is all I have and I completely don't understand this. I started crying and just got up quietly and walked out.

I can't imagine them finding a drummer like me. Then again, it'll be all up to the guitar player whether he likes the new drummer or not, and he would never admit to making a mistake. I am seriously sick over this, throwing up... but thank you for the insight.
#12
Ahhhhh....you're a girl. Can't believe I missed that in your username

My 2 cents, you're not looking for someone to tell you what you can do to improve your situation: you're obviously more talented, so you can find other musicians with ease. What you're doing right now is pouting, and wanting all of us to say it's ok.

Not trying to be a dick (but prob do anyways), but I hear this from whiny little male teenagers all the time. Just because you're a girl, doesn't mean anyone should treat you with any more fake sympathy than a guy saying the exact same thing. You want to be treated seriously, equally, and NOT like a girl? Then MAN UP (for lack of a better term) and go out there and continue doing what you love.
Last edited by bdof at May 20, 2014,
#13
I'm just in a panic. Sorry if it comes off as pouting, I am extremely upset.

Everyone knows me as the drummer of this band. It is my life, it is what defines me. I'm up for this huge award in a few weeks. I don't even think I can go now. We had so many huge gigs this summer, after YEARS of hard work, playing for no one, etc... Now we're pretty big and always play for a huge crowd. I NEED this band.

Even if I were a man I would be a crying girl right now. Other bands will want me probably... but I need MY band. We are on the verge of making it big. We connect so well, been through so much, I felt I was the favorite in the group...like the little sister. I am so beyond shocked, so shocked. There has got to be something. Maybe the found a drummer who is paying them a million dollars to take my spot? God, I have no idea.

I just came here because first I read some other stories of people being fired from their bands and how upset they were. I don't know if it made me feel worse or better. But I haven't told anyone about this yet because I have no one right now. All I had is my band. And my floor to sob on. And this forum, so that's why I'm here, sorry if it's coming off as pouting. I guess it is pouting.
#14
First of all... I am not a doctor. This is just an observation.

I guess this band is a coping mechanism. It is the thing that keeps you motivated. Now it has been taken away from you you feel lost. As you've lost this, especially as you claim not to know the real reason why, it is having a negative affect on any progress that you have made with your depression.

If you are diagnosed with depression then I would hazard a guess that there is somebody that you can go and see who will listen and help you through this. The shock is clouding your mind and you cannot move on at the moment. Hopefully taking the step to see a professional will help you move forward; whether that be a new band or some other venture.

Not to say that there is not a professional doctor on this forum, but I'd wager the majority of the responses are going to be less than helpful due to your state of mind at the moment.
#15
I see you just joined UG....and this thread and all of the posts in it are the only thing you've ever contributed.

I think it's safe to say that you're probably a troll until I see you not pout about something outside of your own thread.


You also look like a boy in your pic.
#16
Thank you my shadow. I do need someone to talk to. The past 3 months I've lost so much and this is the final breaking point. So unexpected.


I am not a troll. I googled "I just got kicked out of band and devastated" and read through a ton of posts on this forum and I also use this site for tabs all the time so I signed up and posted to get support from people who have been through this, how is that trolling? By troll do you mean I'm making all this up? Why would I do that? And I've never been told I look like a boy in my life, but thanks for the support God i ****ing hate this world.
#17
Quote by 6uitar6irl
Thank you my shadow. I do need someone to talk to. The past 3 months I've lost so much and this is the final breaking point. So unexpected.


I am not a troll. I googled "I just got kicked out of band and devastated" and read through a ton of posts on this forum and I also use this site for tabs all the time so I signed up and posted to get support from people who have been through this, how is that trolling? By troll do you mean I'm making all this up? Why would I do that? And I've never been told I look like a boy in my life, but thanks for the support God i ****ing hate this world.


Can I ask what is your bands (or former bands) name? You seem to be pretty convinced yous guys are well known and have won many awards individually. Is this you Jim Root complaining about Stone Sour?
Irons
#18
Hehe, she probably meant personal awards as a drummer. You know, show n tell, high school awards, etc.

6uitar6irl, do something, ANYTHING, in another thread or forum before you post here again. Show that you are an active and contributing member of UG before you get the responses you were seeking, close down this thread, and never post again in UG.

If you are being serious, then knock it off and grow up.
#19
Quote by 6uitar6irl
I know, that's what I said. I said this makes zero sense. We all get along great. They only possible reason I can think of is that I'm getting a lot of attention from fans and the guitarist is jealous. This band is my. life. I can't believe this. I cannot believe this. Total shock. Betrayal. I am at rock bottom right now.

I know it feels shitty right now. But think of it this way, they'll have a hard time replacing you. And their guitar player isn't getting any better. (A married couple "running" a band is always a bad thing, imho.) I would see about joining other bands.

In the meantime, find a friend or two that you could do coffee shop open mics nights and stuff with. Bring 2-3 pieces of your drum kit and have them play acoustic guitar and/or sing. Then, at least you can perform a bit while you wait for a more serious band.

Quote by bdof
I see you just joined UG....and this thread and all of the posts in it are the only thing you've ever contributed.

I think it's safe to say that you're probably a troll until I see you not pout about something outside of your own thread.


You also look like a boy in your pic.

Does this look like the Pit to you, bdof? No? Then can that shit.
Last edited by crazysam23_Atax at May 20, 2014,
#20
Quote by 6uitar6irl
So, I am a guitarist but I excel at drums and play drums in a very established, popular, professional band.


you mean locally right.


Quote by 6uitar6irl

These people are (were) my family. They were all I had. I recently had a rough breakup and am going through major health problems (which I don't let my band know about how major they are and drumming with them was actually one of my only escapes from the severe pain I'm in - both emotionally and physically).

My band has a powerhouse singer who has won many awards. The other three are very average musicians. The guitarist is definitely the weakest link, he has no clue about scales, how to solo, all over the place with time when it's just him playing or starting a song. But he's also the husband of the powerhouse/amazing singer. He's also the designated "leader" of the band and "songwriter". He has been frustrated about writing songs lately when he brings basically no ideas to the table. When he plays a riff, even if it sucks I never say anything and just try a million different drum beats. We recently wrote 2 songs and I am so proud of them. He thinks I am not "clicking" when he's the one who can't even figure out a simple solo in the same key of the song!!!

They actually said I am too good for them?! They said a million times how much they adore me as a person, how much of an "amazing" drummer I am. But uh, we don't want you. WHAT?!?!! I am nominated for drummer of the year in my state and the award ceremony is coming up. First 20 drummers were nominated and now it's down to 4, I am one of them. I have a degree in music. I am the only person in this band who has been in many other successful bands. I am the most professional when it comes to the business side of being in a band. I have been nothing but helpful. When most people in my shoes would become so frustrated with being so much better than the other musicians, I always kept my cool and would sometimes offer suggestions if someone just wasn't getting something. Even though the musicians are average (guitar player being the worst, despite being the "leader") we gel as a band and I absolutely love playing. Our singer tears the house down, she is unbelievably good and I have never been more in love with playing with these people.

My life is hell right now for many reasons and I'd keep saying "at least I have this band, at least I have this band". I love them so much. We have the best gigs coming up right now with summer starting. And that award ceremony. And I just bought a new drum kit that LOOKS like my band's look. And I just ordered a custom kick drum head with our logo on it, so ironic. I've been on the floor sobbing for hours. I can't believe this.

After shows, both the singer and I have fans swarm all around us. People I don't know, and drummers/experienced musicians who know what's up always say how awesome I am. And how much better I make them sound (they had an old drummer who had absolutely no idea what he was doing about 4 years ago).

I have nothing right now. Absolutely nothing. I need to be on stage. I need to drum. They kept saying "we love you so much, your drumming is amazing" ?!?!?!? But they want me gone?!?!?! Everyone knows me as the drummer of this band. This can't be happening....this cannot be happening.



Maybe the huge ego was more than they could take. Being in a band often requires more than just being awesome and knowing your awesome.
#21
i read band as dad first and thought i was about to read about something crazy..not what i expected

no but that sucks but it sounds like your better than them anyway, try and go surround yourself with better musicians who will push you further. you love drumming so why not?
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#22
Wow. I'm done here. I don't want to come off as a conceited bragger. But my awards include best jazz drummer in a nation-wide competition and I played on Lincoln Center Stage with Wynton Marsalis as my award. I am not including high school achievements. Although I also got a full ride scholarship for percussion performance to a university. The award I'm up for right now is state-wide and a huge deal. The band is also up for artist of the year and the last band that won that is now nationally known. I could go on and on but I don't feel that's necessary. God, do you need to come over to my place and watch me drum so you know I'm not making this up? Why do I have to make contributions in order to post something like this? THIS is my first post, now that I'm registered I'll probably take advantage of the other parts of the forum. I simply googled to read about other people in my situation. I regret posting here and now feel worse.

CrazySam --- thank you. I do play in 2 bands on the side. They are softer/folkier acoustic bands and I either use a small jazz kit or a cajon and other aux percussion. We used to do open mics all the time, not that I don't like doing that, I just need to rock hard. And my main band's style was such a perfect fit for me, it was everything I could ever dream of and we work our asses off and are now catching bigger breaks. And they want their "super solid, super talented, super awesome drummer " (in their words) kicked out.
Last edited by 6uitar6irl at May 20, 2014,
#24
Quote by bdof
I see you just joined UG....and this thread and all of the posts in it are the only thing you've ever contributed.

I think it's safe to say that you're probably a troll until I see you not pout about something outside of your own thread.


You also look like a boy in your pic.


Shut up. Really. This isn't 8th grade.

I think we know who the troll is here.

This place is a bit too mature for you, I think you need to exit and get back in the kiddie pool.

Best,

Sean
#25
TS you sound pretty obsessive and sometimes that seriously freaks people out. If you want to keep the door open with this band, have a chat with the lead singer. The one with talent. Let her know that you are still interested in moving forward at some point but give them some space right now. Do it calmly without sobbing. There is a personal dynamic that you have left out of this thread and that is the reason you are currently out. I suspect you know exactly what I am talking about.

In the end, bands come and bands go and we are all replaceable. As musicians we pick ourselves up and move on to something new. One door closes and another opens. I personally love killer rock drummers who also happen to be female. We usually lock in very quickly and bounce off each others grooves easily. Good luck with your future projects.
"Your sound is in your hands as much as anything. It's the way you pick, and the way you hold the guitar, more than it is the amp or the guitar you use." -- Stevie Ray Vaughan

"Anybody can play. The note is only 20 percent. The attitude of the motherfucker who plays it is 80 percent." -- Miles Davis

Guthrie on tone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmohdG9lLqY
#26
Quote by Cajundaddy
There is a personal dynamic that you have left out of this thread and that is the reason you are currently out. I suspect you know exactly what I am talking about.


+1
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#27
I have to say that with all the negative things you have to say about your former band-mates, this really seems like a blessing in disguise. It's not enough to say you liked being on stage with them, when you were so frustrated with the practice sessions, felt like they were so inept in so many ways.

I think it's clear to pretty much everyone reading this that you'd probably be even happier finding new band-mates that you BOTH click with on stage AND who have similar approach to practicing, similar training and skill levels as you.

With all your credentials, what's to stop you from trying to form your own band from scratch, putting in a listing for highly skilled musicians, and -- here's the kicker -- being HIGHLY SELECTIVE. Do not jump at the first people willing to play with you who seem able to gig with you. Really look hard at whether they have similar musical backgrounds, training, skills, practice ethic, etc. The search could take months, you may try some people and then YOU kick them out later because it's not a perfect fit. But the point is, STOP SETTLING.

People settle all the time -- job, romance, etc. -- because we don't like change, we like to take path of least resistance, etc. Those who really make it big are those who refuse to settle.

I think you may be struggling less with the notion that you are out of options for your future, since you clearly can go on to bigger / better things. Instead, you are struggling with the hurt ego from not really wanting to accept that you were somehow so off-putting and unpleasant to work with that your bandmates were willing to jettison your immense musical skills in order to get rid of your negative personality traits, whatever those may be.

Could have have some aspergers or autism spectrum or OCD or other type of thing that tends to make you oblivious perhaps to ways you rub people the wrong way?

Just some thoughts.

Ken
Bernie Sanders for President!
#28
Ahahahahha **** emm go ask your dream self what would have happened if you stayed together as a band in a lucid dream lol. I bet its for the best - go solo!!!
#29
I'm going to defend the poster here.

She just got out of a situation, she was blindsided, and taken off guard and is highly emotional, even in tears about it. She's saying all the things that come to her mind as shes trying to find some thread of sense into it.

Have none of you ever dealt with someone emotional? You're acting like she's fully rational and she's not, she's hurting at the moment looking for a place to vent, and find a little comforting. Im not begrudging her for that.

While you all sit on your high horses, and make 2 cent analysis on her personality and her attitude, and her what have you. Do you know how stupid you look? Stop presuming to know how she is or isn't with her band mates. Take things at face value, as a girl who is clearly shattered, and in the beginning stages of coming to terms with it, and the grief process, and let the "sense talking" go. You really aren't dealing with this person as their "normal" self. She's looking for answers, not judgement.

I'm not suggesting that we all cover her with a blanket and hold her hand, but come on, you really do not know her situation, and to judge her by words that she says in the middle of an emotionally hard collapse, ignores the basic facets of how human beings operate.

/soapbox

Best,

Sean
#30
Quote by bdof
I see you just joined UG....and this thread and all of the posts in it are the only thing you've ever contributed.

I think it's safe to say that you're probably a troll until I see you not pout about something outside of your own thread.


You also look like a boy in your pic.



What the hell is your problem?


TS, there may be a few assholes like this guy on UG, but most of us are cool. He's accused you of being a troll, but really he's the one showing troll-like behavior.
#33
Sorry to hear that. But still, if music really helps you - just keep on recording more! I mean, every time something happens - it happens for a reason.
Maybe it's actually a chance for you to save your health (considering information given) or your way to future success - you never know til you try
#34
Thank you for the help.


As I said many many many times, I am so 100% sure I never ever ever once came across as arrogant. I alwaaays kept my mouth shut even when I knew things they were doing wrong (hitting wrong chords, repeatedly messing up structure in some way, etc etc etc). I don't want to step on anyone's toes and don't speak up. I am definitely not one to brag. I'm just proving my case here because no one one here has seen me play. There was a lot of tension between the married couple a lot and I am such a lover, not a fighter...in every aspect of my life. I have never said things that I'm saying on this forum regarding my skills except for....on this forum.

I talked to one our booking guys and he is absolutely shocked. I'm going in to speak with our manager and the lead vocalist tonight.

But other things have just risen up. That completely changes things. I have a crazy mentally unstable ex. Who has tried telling my family I've been doing lots of drugs and other stuff that isn't true. And he may have told my band this.
I'm also a chronic pain patient and get urine tests on a monthly basis...have always passed them. But my ex is just so scary and so against me right now he will say anything to hurt me. He knows how much this band means to me and how I feel like I've just lost everything and the band is all I have left, etc... I actually JUST had a urine test that includes testing for every illegal substance on earth and it's super accurate (also did a blood test because I had other labs to do as well) and I'm 100% clean as usual. My band is very drug-free and straight edge. But now if this what happened, why wouldnt they tell me my EX was saying this. I definitely don't exhibit any behavior of a druggie. But I know they have a zero tolerance for drugs policy, which is totally fine with me, but to just believe my ex (who they had a semi-close relationship with) and not even question me about it is still soooo weird. Ugh. But I'm meeting tonight.

This has taken a drastic turn, and hopefully I get some clarification tonight. I am not contacting my ex unless someone else is involved (like maybe my entire band, or the police). Ugh. Thank you all who had the supportive responses. I plan on contributing to this site in a musical matter because I have been coming here for tabs for years, didn't even ever visit the forum and now I'm reading other stuff and it's great, I love this place.

I already have offers to join bands, but ugh. I can't stand being in another band once I've been in a band with this vocalist, she is seriously amazing and I've been trying to make music my ONE full time job for years now, and finally feel like we're getting so close. It's just so devastating.

Again, thank you
Last edited by 6uitar6irl at May 21, 2014,
#35
Quote by Sean0913
I'm going to defend the poster here.

She just got out of a situation, she was blindsided, and taken off guard and is highly emotional, even in tears about it. She's saying all the things that come to her mind as shes trying to find some thread of sense into it.

Have none of you ever dealt with someone emotional? You're acting like she's fully rational and she's not, she's hurting at the moment looking for a place to vent, and find a little comforting. Im not begrudging her for that.

While you all sit on your high horses, and make 2 cent analysis on her personality and her attitude, and her what have you. Do you know how stupid you look? Stop presuming to know how she is or isn't with her band mates. Take things at face value, as a girl who is clearly shattered, and in the beginning stages of coming to terms with it, and the grief process, and let the "sense talking" go. You really aren't dealing with this person as their "normal" self. She's looking for answers, not judgement.

I'm not suggesting that we all cover her with a blanket and hold her hand, but come on, you really do not know her situation, and to judge her by words that she says in the middle of an emotionally hard collapse, ignores the basic facets of how human beings operate.

/soapbox

Best,

Sean


One can either be a professional and handle things professionally, or be emotional and not. Can't be both.
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#36
Quote by Arby911
One can either be a professional and handle things professionally, or be emotional and not. Can't be both.

Just wanted to say I love your sig. Did you get it from a book or something?
#37
Quote by f00tballfever
Just wanted to say I love your sig. Did you get it from a book or something?


Thanks, I did. It's a paraphrase (the original quote is too long) from a book called "The Power of Truth" by William George Jordan. I tried to stay as true to the spirit of the original as possible.

The book is long out of print and well into the public domain, and I'd be happy to send you an electronic copy if you PM me an email address.
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#38
Can't be emotional about the band that I live for breaking up? Hmm. I'm also being professional, I am coming to them with a list of questions. I have been complimented on my professionalism both in the music business and my work outside of music many times.

Is there someway to delete this thread? I can't win with you people. I'm heartbroken about this.... I'm not going around kicking and screaming in public. This is an internet forum, I'm sharing my true feelings. Okay, I'm done posting here. Please, no more hate.
#39
You see? She just wants people to sympathize and agree with her.

She may not be a troll (I actually feel like an ass now for suggesting it), but she's just looking for a few people to tell her it's alright. It's very childish
#40
Honestly, if you want to be back in the band just swallow your pride, apologize for whatever it is that caused them to fire you, and try to mend fences.

Presenting them with a list of questions is a terrible idea - you're just making it seem like they're the problem and asking them to justify the decision. Forget that approach - it's combative. You have no leverage here so you're only option is to play nice. Ask to meet them for coffee and beg ( with style and grace) ...basically.
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