Bleed Away
th.
Join date: Feb 2006
2,671 IQ
#1
Sisyphus potential recompense
still martyrless, within conservation;
the stranglehold maneuvers, mercilessly.
Expect no one,

                      when

                                a

                                     voice

                                              calls

your name, like a downward spiral/the stargazers come.
“I am not home”.
Mulbery
Last edited by Bleed Away at May 22, 2014,
EpiExplorer
orsonfacenospace
Join date: May 2008
5,558 IQ
#2
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
hippieboy444
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2006
7,137 IQ
#5
this is marvellous. the word choice and arc are impeccably placed. i love "the stargazers come". some of these phrases just sound amazing. i would offer that "expect no one / when / a / voice /calls" could use some sort of punctuation to separate it more from the rest of the poem and add to the voice, but you really already have quite the work here. this is probably my favorite i've read from you recently. thanks for the post.
culex-knight
mon titre d'utilisateur
Join date: Jun 2004
400 IQ
#7
Quote by AngryGoldfish
Please do not spam.

I think that gif stands for "this was fantastic."
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

doubtfulsalmon
______________
Join date: Jan 2011
628 IQ
#8
I love the brevity, it could have been easy to drag this out but it's incredibly effective this way. Really enjoyed this.