#1
The heat was becoming unbearable, Barack took another sip of his beer. His vision was getting a little blurry, how many drinks did he have? He couldn't remember. someone had dropped his body guard, and he was next. Why wait though? If they're this close to the president, he'd been in a van right now, tied up and gagged, or worse, on the ground waiting for the gardener to find him with a bullet in his head.

It felt good, a cool breeze was blowing through the garden, there was no one to watch over him, and he had nothing to do for the next hour or so. This would be his only chance to do something really wild in a long time. Strolling over to a row of tall sunflowers, he glances left and right and quickly pulls down his pants, then his underwear. He unbuttons his shirt, spreading it open and letting the breeze cool his bare chest. He strips off his shirt and places it on the ground. Rubbing his firm chest with one hand, and caressing his rippling abs with the other. He finishes his beer naked and lies down hidden amidst the sunflowers, enjoying the warmth of the sun baked grass underneath. One hand under his head, he slowly begins stroking his penis. Thinking of his time in Hawaii, and the fat bottom girls with the tan skin, making love on the beach. His strokes get longer, he takes the cold beer bottle and places it sideways under his balls, letting the cool condensation seep into his sack.

It might have been the beer, the heat, or something bizarre in the wind that makes grown men sleep like children in the middle of the day, and presidents masturbate in the sunflower rows, but in front of him he could see a, a white unicorn with a long shimmering mane coloured blue, green and pink. It was smaller than a horse, no taller than the average woman. On top of its head, above its horn, was a golden crown, and a golden necklace hugged its neck. Its wings were unlike any bird in the world; large round feathers in a single row. It was a strange looking beast, with a short snout, more like a large chipmunk than a horse, and very large eyes, with pink irises, and large black pupils; not on the sides of its face like a normal horse, but facing forward like a man's. It blinked once, -its long lashes fluttering; dark eyelids with black mascara- and solemnly without breaking eye contact, it bent its neck down and licked his penis. First at the tip, and then it traced its tongue down the bottom of his shaft to his balls, then back up to the tip, and then the unicorn took his throbbing penis into its mouth and began to slowly fellate Barack with its eyes closed. Still in his stupor, Barack let the unicorn to pleasure him with its mouth. His eyes rolled up into the sky, feeling the gentle sensation of the beast's soft lips rubbing against the skin of his ****, its saliva coating his shaft. The unicorn, quickened its pace, its bobbing head gently jerked his penis up and down, his balls were gently grinding against the cool beer bottle underneath them. He looked the unicorn in its eyes, and as he climaxed, the beast swallowed his **** to the base, and calmly drank his pent up semen as it pumped straight into its throat. Removing Barack's, **** from its mouth, a thin string of cum and spit hanging inbetween. The unicorn walked over to his face, nuzzled his mouth with her nose, and spoke softly.

“I know what it's like to be so powerful, and so alone, your friends and families become distant as they're caught up in political schemes. I know what it's liked to be watched day and night by your subjects, with vultures in the rafters waiting to pounce on you for every mistake you make. I know what it's like to go years without tender love, feeling the touch of naked skin against another's. Tell me you want what I want.”

“I want it.”

“I'm a princess in my own land, I've lived for thousands of years, and for the most of these years I've been a princess, and precious few of those years, I've lived as a woman. Are you going to make me a woman with that horse ****, or are you going to leave me like a virgin princess, cold in her privates till she marries.

“I'll make you a woman princess.”

“Call me Celestia.”

“Celestia...”

She kissed him on the lips, as he dozed off naked in the summer heat and fell asleep.

When the secret service found him he was fully clothed and asleep among the sunflowers. His trip to the hospital plastered headlines around the world “Obama suffers sun stroke”. They discharged him with minor heat exhaustion, he had the rest of the week off. When he got home, he went straight to the bathroom, pulled out a card he had felt in his pocket, and read “Give this a lick, and rub it on your dick. I'll be there soon anyway, ciao -Celestia.”



#FiM
Check out my band Disturbed
#2
tl;dr

EDIT: Wait, is this about the mlp shitting in the president's mouth fan-fiction? yes, I read Cracked too
#4
Stop reading my journal goddammit
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 50-54
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 0-0
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 0-0
#6
Quote by LostLegion
yes, I read Cracked too



Ok
Check out my band Disturbed
#10
Shite
Quote by ErikLensherr
Did you hear about the cockney Godfather?

He made them an offer they couldn't understand.
#14
Is there a loophole in the noporn rule that allows erotic fanfiction? I sure hope so because i just came across a Tony Stark x Astro Boy fanfic that i would love to share with u guys.
#15
Pretty sure there were a few accounts that were banned for posting literature of this sort
ggg1 ggg3

.
#19
Quote by The Madcap
All adult MLP fans like this type of stuff. There are no exceptions. No sarcasm here either.

After the things we have seen... we have an obligation to spread the truth
#20
Go ahead and try, you fools can't stop us now that Obama is on our side
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 50-54
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 0-0
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 0-0
#21
Quote by Gantz92
Is there a loophole in the noporn rule that allows erotic fanfiction? I sure hope so because i just came across a Tony Stark x Astro Boy fanfic that i would love to share with u guys.

There's a no porn rule? I thought the lack of filth over here had something to do with the UG community being an exceptionally classy one

/] 三方 [\
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
#22
This is the greatest thing I have ever layed my mortal eyes upon. Shakespeare would weep if he ever gazed upon this wonder. Some tears would fall for sorrow; he could never hope to rival such a tale. Others would fall for joy; he would know he was blessed to even be in the holy presence of such a masterpiece. None of Man's achievements, past, present, or future is worthy of being compared to this. Even taken together they could never amount to this pinnacle of humanity, this empyreal summit of artistry, this blessed zenith of storytelling.
To put my praise for this epic tale into words as base and insufficient as these does you no justice. If I were however to put them in others, those words would be: "Cool story bro."
#26
Quote by deadsmileyface
pls do not post your pony fanfic here thnx

Well, apparently it's allowed now so I just might.