Trivium fanboy
Join date: Feb 2009
84 IQ
Hey guys,

this is another song I've been writing for my band.
It's entitled borderlinecore so far, cuz it draws from elements of traditional metalcore, as well as some post-hardcore or post-rock influences.
Lots of acoustics are included as well.

I'm rather happy with it, but still open for suggestions, so feel free to express them.

From Your Grave
Join date: Jan 2010
459 IQ
I liked a lot of aspects of this, but there's a couple things I didn't like. I think the intro should be 8 bars before "Rise" instead of 16. Feels kinda like it drags on for how the rest of the parts are more concise and direct. The pre-verse and verse were far too -core for my tastes, but for what they are, I actually respect them, especially since all the parts around it are decent.

I was disappointed when I saw the first chord for the intro, not because it was bad but that is the second time I've seen it in a song in the last few days since I wrote a riff with it as the basis a couple weeks ago, thinking I had something fresh.

Going back to the intro actually, it's not bad, but it's not exciting or very interesting either, which is why I think it should only have the 8 bars before the next instruments come in.

Pre-chorus wasn't bad. Again not real interesting but decent, and good for bridging to the next part. I liked that the bass notes were 7 3 5 instead of 0 8 7, you didn't fall into the trap. I think you should cut bars 55-58, and MAYBE make the last part of the pre-chorus riff one repetition, speaking of which, the drums don't flow as well here. It's kinda fast, then just goes to half-time feel, then all of a sudden the chorus kicks in.

Even for your extensive use of 0000 in the chorus, I thought it was really good. You've taken a lot of -core elements and actually made something decent from it. I think Metalcore really had a chance, but bands kept being unoriginal ****s and killed it entirely. Songs like this would have helped keep it strong, in my opinion.

Solo and interlude were decent. I would cut out two bars of the sustained 000 though. And probably start the eighth note riffs on guitars 1 and 2 on the last four bars of Acoustic II's riff, and remove four bars before solo. This is just an idea, I haven't tested it. And definitely if you record this hold out that last note of the solo for a little bit into the final chorus, or cut a few notes from the solo so it has another measure to be held.

Upon first listen I didn't like that verse and pre-verse were just there in the beginning and then you had multiple choruses with no revisit to it, but then I saw the outro and it validated it's presence in the song for me.
Trivium fanboy
Join date: Feb 2009
84 IQ
Hey, thanks a lot for that profound critique.
I'll definitely be looking into the aspects you mentioned and work around them a little.
If there's anything I can critique for you, feel free to tell me.