#1
here's one
all criticism accepted

Dark Was The Night

I wear the star adorned
canopy
like an airtight armored blanket
much like i
wear the freedom to do so

ive shared
fought red handed
built
sealed
laughed
and destroyed

i’ve been born
and murdered
one thousand times
or more
uderneath it

it’s wear i hide
leaking eyes
my sharpest knives
the brightest colors
my raging fires
#7
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Whats with the random 1 word lines

do u evn poetry

don't be a structurenazi, thats weird

honestly, i think you were looking for something to criticize

weak brah, mad weak
banned
Last edited by deadsmileyface at May 29, 2014,
#8
Quote by deadsmileyface
do u evn poetry

don't be a structurenazi, thats weird

honestly, i think you were looking for something to criticize

weak brah, mad weak


I don't get it because I read a line...then I read a word. Doesn't work very well, comes off as pretentious. Plus there are loads of spelling mistakes.
#9
I can do poetry.

Now this is the story all about how
My life got twisted, upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
#10
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Plus there are loads of spelling mistakes.


i found two.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#12
Quote by Weaponized
Do you like Linkin Park too?

Link shouldnt be in the park, he should be out saving Hyrule.
#13
I really
don't
understand poetry
I mean what's
the ****
-ing deal
with all this
bullshit

Just write like a normal person. For example, suppose I wanted to express my love of cheddar. I would write someting like this: I love cheddar.

****.
Quote by neidnarb11890
the chinese take-out place my family always ordered from gave you chopsticks, so as a kid it was fun to try & eat with chopsticks
now i just use a fork, 'cuz nothing is fun anymore & i just want to shovel food into my mouth to fill the void
#15
i can write
awkward
poetry

too
arbitrary line breaks
non-sequitur
what is it even about?
| (• ◡•)| (❍ᴥ❍ʋ
Last edited by Cianyx at May 29, 2014,
#16
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Whats with the random 1 word lines



Do u not even get poetry brah?


You never say the 1 word lines, you breathe the words in the ear of the girl you've kidnapped.


I thought everybody knew that?
Quote by Horsedick.MPEG
How do you prepare tea?

Quote by theogonia777
thrown into the boston harbor

Quote by Crofty89
Only if you boil the ocean first



JUST BOUGHT SIKTH DEATH OF A DEAD DAY ALBUM FROM THE US AND IT CAME WITH THE 6 YEAR OLD SIGNED POSTER (30/4/12) WIN
#18
i like butts they are cool
i like looking at the butts at my school
i dont make it obvious cause im not a creep
but every now and then i take a little peek
i like butts they are cool

i like butts they are hot
bubbly booties are all i've ever sought
i saw one once and it was nice
i hope to one day see a butt twice
i like butts they are hot

i like butts they are cute
ur bumbums so dece its left me mute
i know ur a good person past ur bum
but atm i just want some fun
i like butts they are cute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVFkA59kZhE




#21
that read a lot like a 16 year old girl's facebook or instagram photo captions.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#22
Can a mod move this to the Songwriting & Lyrics forum before it continues to get shat on??
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#25
Quote by angusfan16
For a second I thought I was in the Cringe Thread.

Dont dis poetry you uncultured poo head
You hit 'em and they get back up
I hit 'em and they stay down
- Frank Castle
#26
Quote by vintage x metal
Can a mod move this to the Songwriting & Lyrics forum before it continues to get shat on??

Seriously. Please do, mods.


This is actually good; it's just ignorant assholes who are bored have to shit on anything. Why? Because they're bored and immature.

Edit:
chesterburnet, check your profile please. The link to your profile is in the upper right hand corner, up at the top.
Last edited by crazysam23_Atax at May 29, 2014,
#27
Quote by MinterMan22
i like butts they are cool
i like looking at the butts at my school
i dont make it obvious cause im not a creep
but every now and then i take a little peek
i like butts they are cool

i like butts they are hot
bubbly booties are all i've ever sought
i saw one once and it was nice
i hope to one day see a butt twice
i like butts they are hot

i like butts they are cute
ur bumbums so dece its left me mute
i know ur a good person past ur bum
but atm i just want some fun
i like butts they are cute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVFkA59kZhE
Beautiful. :')
#28
Check your spelling next time. Spelling aside I didn't like it, but that's just like my opinion man
#29
It just didn't do anything for me. I'm sure it has personal meaning to you but none of it translated to me the audience. It was more like slightly better poetry than Jim Morrison's but still lacked making a connection.
A bassist is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

The Pit operates under a pseudo-Murphy’s Law state of mind. You can make a comment and "whatever wrong assumption that can be made about it, will be made about it."
#31
Quote by MinterMan22
i like butts they are cool
i like looking at the butts at my school
i dont make it obvious cause im not a creep
but every now and then i take a little peek
i like butts they are cool

i like butts they are hot
bubbly booties are all i've ever sought
i saw one once and it was nice
i hope to one day see a butt twice
i like butts they are hot

i like butts they are cute
ur bumbums so dece its left me mute
i know ur a good person past ur bum
but atm i just want some fun
i like butts they are cute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVFkA59kZhE
minterman I did not know that u were such a talented poet bud!
banned