#1
Hello all! I apologize if this is covered elsewhere here but I think my situation is slightly unique and I hope you can help.

I know it's time to quit this band which I have adored for going on 4 years now. There are oodles of good reasons it is no longer a good fit for me but anything constructive is no longer worth mentioning as it has never been met with no respect or change for the better. (They seem to just be doing this for the fun of it and we really aren't growing at all-and I know they likely never will professionally). I still adore the music and them and will never find anything as good as the good parts of this but I know I have outgrown them.

In addition -I've been commuting in from my new residence which is over an hour away for all gigs/rehearsals which makes me now pay to play for all our non-paying gigs/rehearsals. I've stuck it out for a year now and even tried lessening my rehearsals (which unfortunately was met with some HUGE negativity/STRESS/fights on stage- and made me come to this decision quicker.

So I think the best way to do this is to cite only the travel/money as my reasons and touch on my other pursuits without bringing up all the other stuff they've never respected me for mentioning anyway.

Problem is- there is NO good time to quit the band. There's always a show coming up or someone's not at rehearsal and I want to tell them ALL and in person. I've put it off a few times recently to respect the timing and need for all present and I've decided I need to do it in a week - fully prepared to be available for the gigs for this month to help them changeover (another person the band can learn my parts). I'm worried this may ruin the rehearsal and I would rather them have time to process the situation and decide if they want me the rest of the month. I wish I lived closer so we could all get together outside of next weeks rehearsal but I doubt we could all align our schedules like that anyway- it just seems impossible.

Given these circumstances - is it terrible to begin our next rehearsal this way?

This is driving me MAD!!!!
#2
^^^ Tell them at the end of rehearsal if thats your only problem.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
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#4
Just tell em you need to wind down involvement in the band due to family/personal circumstances, give 30 days notice, and offer to help out filling your position. If someone throws a tantrum it's on them because you acted respectfully. Don't engage in arguments or fights over it. Just do it and end it gracefully.
"Your sound is in your hands as much as anything. It's the way you pick, and the way you hold the guitar, more than it is the amp or the guitar you use." -- Stevie Ray Vaughan

"Anybody can play. The note is only 20 percent. The attitude of the motherfucker who plays it is 80 percent." -- Miles Davis

Guthrie on tone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmohdG9lLqY
#6
I've always worked on the principle that gigs come first, so tell them you are leaving and be nice about it, tell them the good stuff you have told us and not the bits about not moving on

Then tell them that you will play out the gigs that are already booked, or until your replacement feels ready to take over, that way neither you nor they are letting anyone down.
#7
Quote by Cajundaddy
Just tell em you need to wind down involvement in the band due to family/personal circumstances, give 30 days notice, and offer to help out filling your position. If someone throws a tantrum it's on them because you acted respectfully. Don't engage in arguments or fights over it. Just do it and end it gracefully.


being a band leader of two bands I put my vote in for this one. Honestly the whole "until you find a replacement" thing could drag out making a bad situation even worse.

Don´t get personal when quitting, this will make reconciliation down the road much easier...just state facts,
1. your ready to move on
2. your financial situation does not allow for this
3. your doing this for yourself and not because of them

number 3 may be a tad untrue but it´s a better option than tellin them they´re unproffesional.....the majority of the band seem to like to work this way so it´s more a "it´s not you it´s me"-moment
I believe in god, jesus and the holy ghost.....or as i call them Angus, Kirk and Lemmy
#8
and I´d do it at the begining of rehearsal. It´s kind of like having sex just Before you break up....may feel good while your doing it but it´ll just make the situation even more akward at the end!!
I believe in god, jesus and the holy ghost.....or as i call them Angus, Kirk and Lemmy
#9
Quote by Blackst4r
and I´d do it at the begining of rehearsal. It´s kind of like having sex just Before you break up....may feel good while your doing it but it´ll just make the situation even more akward at the end!!


I don't think I've had any member quit at the beginning of a practice. It's always happened at the end, if it happens at practice.

Doesn't really matter where/when you do it, as long as you play the booked gigs (within reason). I once had a member quit who refused to play the booked gigs, it was the beginning of the end of that band.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
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#10
Quote by AlanHB
I don't think I've had any member quit at the beginning of a practice. It's always happened at the end, if it happens at practice.

Doesn't really matter where/when you do it, as long as you play the booked gigs (within reason). I once had a member quit who refused to play the booked gigs, it was the beginning of the end of that band.


...the word coward comes to mind....Im a straight shooter and appreciate people of the same nature. Waiting till the end is taking the easy way out...."by the way guys...I'm quitting. And there's my ride...see ya!!"

I've been lucky with bandmembers not leaving without ample notice....but leaving like that means something was really wrong somewhere?!?!
I believe in god, jesus and the holy ghost.....or as i call them Angus, Kirk and Lemmy
#11
Sudden explosion of bandmates' flats helps sometime.
I've never been in this thread :>
#12
Quote by Blackst4r
I've been lucky with bandmembers not leaving without ample notice....but leaving like that means something was really wrong somewhere?!?!


The band did have it's issues for sure, but this particular member thought that I was taking too high of a fee for supplying the PA. I was charging 1/5 of the gigs pay, which I thought was reasonable. She didn't.

It lead to a massive fight leading up to the quit and we were pretty angry with eachother.

However that doesn't mean we should have been left hanging with the other gigs. One in particular was very important to us, our first time playing at a really good pub paying over $1000. She pulled out of that one too. Not cool.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Soundcloud
#13
Quote by AlanHB
The band did have it's issues for sure, but this particular member thought that I was taking too high of a fee for supplying the PA. I was charging 1/5 of the gigs pay, which I thought was reasonable. She didn't.

It lead to a massive fight leading up to the quit and we were pretty angry with eachother.

However that doesn't mean we should have been left hanging with the other gigs. One in particular was very important to us, our first time playing at a really good pub paying over $1000. She pulled out of that one too. Not cool.


....ungrateful....I do the same....we are a 5 man band so first the transportation costs are delt with and then we split 6 ways. Luckily no-one has yet to protest and if so I think I´d go Samuel l Jackson/pulp fiction for about 25 minutes....apart from the PA, stands, mics, cables, and so on just the amount of money and time I put in for them to be able to gig should probably leave me with a 50% cut if they want to count cents.
I believe in god, jesus and the holy ghost.....or as i call them Angus, Kirk and Lemmy