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#5
wiping is for pussies, I hose that shit down
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#6
I attach myself to the roof and then wipe. You know, so everyone can tell I've now wiped and am almost done with the shitter.

Edit:
Seriously, do we have to have this thread every month around here?
#9
Quote by KingChris90
I dont wipe. I have servants for that.

Interviewer: So...uh, Mr. Servant...what was your last job? Tell me about it.
Servant: I was King Thorin's servant. I wiped his smelly arse.
Interviewer: ... well, then...
#11
i hang on to a rope from the ceiling with one hand, and swing myself back and forth yelling like tarzan while wiping.


much more effective, OP.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#13
Quote by Deliriumbassist
Anyone who stands when wiping are nothing more than skiddy kiddies.

i like my ass extra clean

fight me
banned
#15
I use the 3 seashells.

EDIT: In an appropriate and proportional manner.
Quote by Diemon Dave
Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
#16
If you don't stand wipe then how will you know how high you scored?
-The Crimson Fucker, aka PonyFan #376121
#17
Sitting. Standing smushes it around like melted chocolate in your pocket.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#19
Quote by Deliriumbassist
mod-lites

Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#20
Quote by Deliriumbassist
See? Even mod-lites get it.

idk what kind of butts you guys have
mod-lites

hehehehehe
banned
#21
Oh, this thread again.
Sitting. If you stand, you get less on your paper and more on your pants when you sit down and expose the unwiped shit.
That said, it is kinda nasty to just use paper and not wash it when you think about it.
Not sure if a sig is a necessity.
#22
Quote by Guodlca
Oh, this thread again.
Sitting. If you stand, you get less on your paper and more on your pants when you sit down and expose the unwiped shit.
That said, it is kinda nasty to just use paper and not wash it when you think about it.

Use wet-wipes.
-The Crimson Fucker, aka PonyFan #376121
#23
Quote by Guodlca
Oh, this thread again.
Sitting. If you stand, you get less on your paper and more on your pants when you sit down and expose the unwiped shit.
That said, it is kinda nasty to just use paper and not wash it when you think about it.

how are you guys wiping your butts?
banned
#25
Quote by Deliriumbassist
See? Even mod-lites get it.

I always wonderd why he's orange. Now i know.

Also mod-lite made me laugh.
#26
Quote by KingChris90
I always wonderd why he's orange. Now i know.

Also mod-lite made me laugh.

Coming this fall, Diet Mod and Caffeine-Free Mod. All the taste(of cancer), none of the calories.
Quote by Diemon Dave
Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
#27
Quote by deadsmileyface
how are you guys wiping your butts?
"You guys" being... ?

Yeah, wet wipes work tho. I still haven't bought them here in my dorm
Not sure if a sig is a necessity.
#28
Sit, since I wet the toilet paper and I don't want ass juice dribbling down my leg.
#29
Quote by Deliriumbassist
Anyone who stands when wiping are nothing more than skiddy kiddies.



I'd rather have my whole bathroom as space tho and not have my hand in the bowl after I just painted it


Quote by eGraham
Sitting. Standing smushes it around like melted chocolate in your pocket.


I don't think there is any standing whipper who doesn't spread there cheeks so this isn't a problem.
Last edited by Wormholes at Jun 2, 2014,
#31
Quote by Wormholes

I don't think there is any standing whipper who doesn't spread there cheeks so this isn't a problem.

yes thank you
banned
#32
Quote by Wormholes
I don't think there is any standing whipper who doesn't spread there cheeks so this isn't a problem.

Exactly.

Stand. Grab one butt-cheek. Wipe.
#35
i just drag my arse along the carpet like a dog
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#36
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PRS SE Singlecut
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CMAT MODS Signa Drive
Blakemore Effects Deus Ex Machina
DIY gaussmarkov Dr. Boogey
EHX Small Clone
Mooer ShimVerb
DIY Beavis Devolt
T-REX Fuel Tank Chameleon
Ampeg GVT52-112
#37
Why would I wipe whilst sitting? It's needlessly more awkward to do since your butt is sat and you would be putting your hand into the same area that you've just covered in shit.


Just stand, pull a cheek to the side and wipe. If you end up getting shit everywhere you're either stupid or you leave the toilet paper in a different room to the toilet, which would still be stupid.
When I was eleven I broke the patio window and my mother sued me... She's always been a very aggressive litigator.
#38
my last wipe is always a standing one
Quote by archerygenious
Jesus Christ since when is the Pit a ****ing courtroom...

Like melodic, black, death, symphonic, and/or avant-garde metal? Want to collaborate? Message me!
#40
Quote by link no1
Why would I wipe whilst sitting? It's needlessly more awkward to do since your butt is sat and you would be putting your hand into the same area that you've just covered in shit.

Are you really that stupid?

1) Sit-wipers aren't putting their wipe-hand INTO the bowl. It's a lift-and-wipe operation.

2)Have you ever heard of washing your hands after using the bathroom? Regardless of your shit-stance, you should be washing your hands afterwards.

Edit-
Quote by vIsIbleNoIsE
my last wipe is always a standing one

This is very true for me as well. I guess I'm a bi-shit-wiper.
Last edited by Dimarzio45 at Jun 2, 2014,
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