#1
hey guys, its been a while! i was swamped with the last semester and didnt get to write much. now im free, and have been quite adamant with writing

as far as my usual stuff, this isnt too different (yet); my typical super-melodic prog metal. its going to get pretty weird/wacky later though

this time ive been taking a different approach. usually i dont actually write the drum or bass tracks on the actual instruments. i usually air-drum the parts (because im too lazy to get on the kit) and i write the bass on the guitar (because im too lazy to get the bass). but this time i actually have been writing them with their respective instruments, so the bass and drums should be substantially better. tell me what you think!

as usual, step up the reverb on the lead and clean channels for the best sound

Edit: ive just added a lot more to it. and its probably almost done

Edit #2: i recently came back to this and finished the solo. i have 3 ideas to follow it (though im open to other suggestions), but im not sure which to do, and am looking for input. eventually ill transition back into the chorus, but my first idea is to just transition into that right after (dont worry, i know how to make the transition smooth if i did this). option 2 is a badass breakdown (a GOOD breakdown, not some crabcore BS). and my final idea is a fast-paced, super-heavy bridge (almost harcore-esque). Let me know what you guys think! all input (though preferably detailed) is appreciated and will be rewarded! C4C

Edit #3: finally finished it after having serious writer's block for a while, and damn proud of it! let me know what you think (also the cliffhanger ending will flow into another song im working on)
Attachments:
Soma.gp5
Wow, much alcoholism (Soma update 2).gp5.zip
Soma_update.gp5.zip
Soma_finished.gp5.zip
Last edited by pAWNlol at Oct 6, 2015,
#2
Why would you use 12/16 time sign and then use 3/4, isn't the same thing? (chorus 1a and verse 2a)

I don't dig the ending (both riff a and b).

On a brighter side I like your song overall, really moody and good shredds.
Verse 1a and 1b reminds me of mario karts. Seems like some album worthy materials to me, good work!
#3
Disclaimer: I might be talking out of my ass, this is how I perceive it.

The 12/16 is more like 6/8, so you have 2/4/8 pulses, i.e OxxOxx (that's eight's by the way, and O is an accented beat).

In 3/4, you have 3 pulses, so it's OxOxOx (also eight's).

But as you say, it's mostly the same and both ways of writing works. For example when you have OxxOxxOx, it fits 4/4 but I think (!) they right way would be 8/8. If I'm wrong someone please correct me, because I'm not 100% sure myself.

Edit: Ok, so pawnLOLs explanation is way more understanable but I think we're adressing the same point.
Last edited by CheesyMozarella at Jun 16, 2014,
#4
Quote by Craziork
Why would you use 12/16 time sign and then use 3/4, isn't the same thing? (chorus 1a and verse 2a)

I don't dig the ending (both riff a and b).

On a brighter side I like your song overall, really moody and good shredds.
Verse 1a and 1b reminds me of mario karts. Seems like some album worthy materials to me, good work!

12/16 counts more like 4/4, but with triplets. 3/4 is more like a waltz feel. for example, 12/16 had the feel of 1-and-a-2-and-a-3-and-a-4-and-a, whereas 3/4 had the feel of 1-e-and-a-2-e-and-a-3-e-and-a (sorry, music theory terminology)

but what about the riffs dont you like? if you can speicify
#5
Quote by pAWNlol

but what about the riffs dont you like? if you can speicify



I really like how you've lead your intro into the solo section, which is very tasty in itself. You know how to phrase melodies. I guess the first 2 bars of ''Solo 1b'' is tapping? well it is but it's ****ing skills haha.

The verses 1 are alright, I think they work, but I don't have a special appreciation about em.

The chorus is really good, mellow yet intense. A really good flawless mood.

Verse 2 and the groovy riff section are both good. If it were all about me I would've put a classical or latin guitar section in verse2 but it's personal taste. What you did clearly fits best because it has similarities to verse 1 (well it's like the opposite of verse 1 but idk how to explain it... lol)

For a prog song, I think it's a bit short.
Last edited by Craziork at Jun 16, 2014,
#6
Quote by Craziork
I really like how you've lead your intro into the solo section, which is very tasty in itself. You know how to phrase melodies. I guess the first 2 bars of ''Solo 1b'' is tapping? well it is but it's ****ing skills haha.

The verses 1 are alright, I think they work, but I don't have a special appreciation about em.

The chorus is really good, mellow yet intense. A really good flawless mood.

Verse 2 and the groovy riff section are both good. If it were all about me I would've put a classical or latin guitar section in verse2 but it's personal taste. What you did clearly fits best because it has similarities to verse 1 (well it's like the opposite of verse 1 but idk how to explain it... lol)

For a prog song, I think it's a bit short.

well i was talking about riff a and b, but thanks lol. and its far from done man lol its a work in progress, hence the WIP
#7
Nice track, I'm liking your stuff more and more man.

All in all I listened to the whole thing,

Up to bar 51 the song is great,

However after that it becomes too sporadic and doesn't flow easily enough with itself.

I do understand the feeling you have gone for at bar 51 but it does not fit to be blunt.

The chorus then is made to fit with the previous riff which for me deviates way too far from the original G#m, BM idea.



At the moment you're running the chorus E - D# - G#m - F#6
aka
VI - v - i - VII

But your original Idea was a for more modest i - III

My recommendation would be to have your chorus starting on that trusty G#m

There is a really good article on chords on this site actually I recommend you check it out here.
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/lessons/the_basics/tonal_theory_applied_to_the_guitar_part_2_chords_progressions_and_cadences.html


All in all a good track with plenty of great ideas and I can't wait to hear more.
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#9
Quote by Drapte

At the moment you're running the chorus E - D# - G#m - F#6
aka
VI - v - i - VII

But your original Idea was a for more modest i - III

My recommendation would be to have your chorus starting on that trusty G#m

actually the chorus is VI M7, V7, i, v 6 (1st inversion v chord)

and i try to deviate from starting progressions with i (I in major) because its done way too much

but where did you get the i - III progression from? i dont recall using it in this song
#10
Quote by pAWNlol
actually the chorus is VI M7, V7, i, v 6 (1st inversion v chord)

and i try to deviate from starting progressions with i (I in major) because its done way too much

but where did you get the i - III progression from? i dont recall using it in this song



I've had a look at the GP again, the riff at bar 10 is in G# minor, the first chord of G#m obviously being G#m which is where I get i from. The chords that then come in at bar 23 are based around D#m which my apologies is actually the v chord, I got it mixed up with B major there, I still do like the progression sounding that way however. I did notice the dominant 7th in the chorus but I wasn't sure if it was a mistake or not, no offence, it sounds fine it just obviously isn't in the key. I don't want turn this into some sort of theory debate because it's not the reason I chose to break it down like that. I think the song has some good ideas but the chorus and pre chorus sound too out of place to my ears. I think you shouldn't be afraid to start on an i chord if the song calls for it especially considering you've already started the song on one anyway. I do agree it's interesting to use strange progressions but only when they sound natural.

Pce
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#11
the dominant does fit; that part is harmonic minor. but i think youd like the chorus a lot better with the vocals over it

all in all, i appreciate all the input youve been giving me man. dont worry, i take it all as constructive criticism
#12
This is pretty sick.

Verse 1a/1b. I like it, but maybe throw some inversions or at least other voicings in the rhythm, it's good as it is, but inversions/voicings would give it a nice texture/liveliness.

Transition into verse 2 is a little rough, and by that I mean it just happens.. You may be letting the volume fade a bit IRL, or something, but in GP it's jsut distortion triads, distortion triads, clean.

"Groove riff" sounds like "The Root of All Evil" by Dream Theater. Now I'm going to have to listen to it after I finish this. haha

"Harmon riff" is a good follow up to groove riff.. It sort of uses the same rhythm but varies just to be more of a "call/response" situation. Nice

In general, I'd work on transitions. They're not bad really.. But they're allll just holding out a note, or stopping everything except the drums for a measure.
#13
Quote by Garb
This is pretty sick.

Verse 1a/1b. I like it, but maybe throw some inversions or at least other voicings in the rhythm, it's good as it is, but inversions/voicings would give it a nice texture/liveliness.

Transition into verse 2 is a little rough, and by that I mean it just happens.. You may be letting the volume fade a bit IRL, or something, but in GP it's jsut distortion triads, distortion triads, clean.

"Groove riff" sounds like "The Root of All Evil" by Dream Theater. Now I'm going to have to listen to it after I finish this. haha

"Harmon riff" is a good follow up to groove riff.. It sort of uses the same rhythm but varies just to be more of a "call/response" situation. Nice

In general, I'd work on transitions. They're not bad really.. But they're allll just holding out a note, or stopping everything except the drums for a measure.


its funny that you would mention the part about root of all evil, because i had that song in my mind when i was working on this song lol and afterwards i thought "oh hey, im stealing from DT lol oh well, not the first time"

im not sure what you mean by "call/response", but i appreciate the compliment nonetheless

also, for the randomness/choppyness, this song is about alcoholism, and the striking differences are to depict the different aspects. the 13/16 is the repressed anger (the lyrics i have for that part is "reality is for pussies" being death growled), the chorus is the emotional despair, and the sudden clean part is the sudden carelessness from being drunk

youre right though, transitions have always been a struggle for me. ill probably try to do something to make it flow better when i record it though. thanks for the input!
Last edited by pAWNlol at Jun 27, 2014,
#15
I think that Bridge 1a&b are ****ing dope, like really dope. The beatdown is heavy too, reminds me of some old school shit, the transition into the breakdown is sick too.

Not really feeling the "Catchy part" Comes out of no where in my opinion and not in the best way. The ambient part is pretty cool, again though doesn't really fit with the track as a whole.

The thrashy part is sick loving the old school feels in these heavy parts, they work well.

overall good track but still lacks direction in my opinion. Maybe cut a few ideas and save them for other tracks.
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#16
Quote by Drapte
I think that Bridge 1a&b are ****ing dope, like really dope. The beatdown is heavy too, reminds me of some old school shit, the transition into the breakdown is sick too.

Not really feeling the "Catchy part" Comes out of no where in my opinion and not in the best way. The ambient part is pretty cool, again though doesn't really fit with the track as a whole.

The thrashy part is sick loving the old school feels in these heavy parts, they work well.

overall good track but still lacks direction in my opinion. Maybe cut a few ideas and save them for other tracks.

thanks man lol i kinda pulled that bridge out of my ass because i needed a transition, and it just kinda worked out really well

and i know, not too many people are feeling the "catchy part", and it definitely sounds out of place in its current context, but i think itll sound a lot better with the hardcore vocals in between the fills

also, i know i need a better transition to the ambient part. if you or anybody else has any suggestions for it, id love it. im really not all that happy with the current one
#17
Quote by pAWNlol
thanks man lol i kinda pulled that bridge out of my ass because i needed a transition, and it just kinda worked out really well

and i know, not too many people are feeling the "catchy part", and it definitely sounds out of place in its current context, but i think itll sound a lot better with the hardcore vocals in between the fills

also, i know i need a better transition to the ambient part. if you or anybody else has any suggestions for it, id love it. im really not all that happy with the current one



Ill have a look at it tomorrow. I have some ideas I think may work for a better transition..

In general though I think get rid of the splash in bar 190 and the drum hit in bar 191.

You could maybe have a nice little dynamic drum roll in bar 190 that leaves you hanging.

Something like this maybe. (See attached)

I gotta cruise to bed though now. Chat tomoz.
Attachments:
Roll.gp5
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#19
Hey dude sorry for the late reply. Here I changed the beat before it and made it a bit crazy but Bar 190 is the main thing I'm referring to here.
Attachments:
Edit.zip
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#21
Quote by pAWNlol
eh, it was okay, but im really not feeling it, especially the snare fill

also, why did you make a new drum track for that?


To show you what I was imagining.. lol. Why do you think. You seem ticked off or something that I've critted your song. If you just want to enjoy it then don't start a thread asking what people think.
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#23
Quote by pAWNlol
nah, im sorry if i seem like im pissed. if i were pissed at all, it would be that youre the only one who's actually been giving me ideas lol


lol aite, peace.
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#25
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#30
I really enjoy the first half of the song, some of the hardcore/pop punk sounding spots seemed a bit forced/off, but overall the entire piece flowed really well, just some spots weren't to my taste. I remember hearing the original a long time ago, and really not liking that intro riff. Well, you reworked it beautifully and I have a new appreciation for how great it sounds.

I like it man!

I know my stuff isn't as progressive, or in the same genre, as yours, but would you mind taking a listen and telling me your thoughts on it?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1688188
#31
There are many good parts you've added since last time. But ...

I'm not a fan of harmony riff A & B parts because it's repetitive (I might have had another opinion back in the days, idk if its new).

I dig Bridge 1A. I'm not a fan of the lead on 1b.

The whole buildup thing, the beatdown bridge and the breakdown are very good. Makes me wanna turn up the volume and just headbang.

All the following catchy parts... I wanna hear that recorded hahaha. Sounds good!

Each ambient parts flow just right into the next one. Very dynamic melodies, I love it.

I love the trashy riff that comes up next but I don't like that kind of Slayer-ish drumming, even though it fits very well to the riff.

I don't like all the rests in you solo, sounds like showing off a couple of licks instead of a whole thing.

I dig the chorus.

It's pretty much it, didn't developed that much but if you want more details i'll be happy to.
#32
yeah, i really want to record it, it'll sound so much better haha

but youre right, the rests have been bothering me. ive been trying to think of ways to seam the solo parts together. id be open to suggestions
#33
Here are some ideas for the solo but idk, seems like I just added some cheesy bullshit, yours to judge. Maybe it will give you some inspiration of some sort.
Attachments:
Soma_solo.gp5
#34
hmm, these are a bit minimal, but not too bad. although im having a hard time figuring out what the little doodads like the slide/bend on measure 12 would sound like on a real guitar (or rather the actual sound you were going for)
#35
yeah I wasn't going for a big edit of your solo, I was aiming at the rests. Gotta respect the art man, peace!

That doodle you're referring to, well it was just to represent some whammy diving sound. You're the artist here, I don't want to be too specific or restrain you.
#36
Quote by Craziork
yeah I wasn't going for a big edit of your solo, I was aiming at the rests. Gotta respect the art man, peace!

That doodle you're referring to, well it was just to represent some whammy diving sound. You're the artist here, I don't want to be too specific or restrain you.

haha transitions are one of my weakpoints, so im open to any ideas that you (or anyone else) might have. no need to limit your input, but i appreciate the concern