After playing with this band for about half a year, with a couple of really cool, fun gigs, and some genuinly great quality rock music, I, the bassist, have pretty much decided to throw in the towel and call it quits.

Although I really enjoy the music, and I like the guys as well, the deal breaker is simply that we have conflicting interests and visions for the band.
The day I joined, the guys made it clear that this was something they took very seriously; pretty much, the band is the biggest priority in their lifes at the moment (and especially the guitarist, who pretty much says making it with the band means everything to him).
While I was honest that my studies took first priority, I offered a deal of joining in on the musical parts (with rehearsing, gigging etc) as long as they administred the rest of the band machinery with PR, economics etc.

After a while we´ve done some decent progress (not optimal but still); we´ve released a pretty kickass single (to accompany a couple of EPs the band did before I joined), and the band is looking to make a big deal with a fitting management to go on to make a high investment album and do some extensive touring with big, big priority, but in time and money (although I´m afraid we won´t see it returning in income, to be honest).

I know I possibly should have realised this earlier, but right now I understand that I am not invested enough to carry on to meet the demands the band is calling for.
Although I have given a lot of energy and attention to the progress of the band, and I would definetly like to see the band gain success at a bigger scale; I am different from the other three guys.
The basicly want the whole nine yards, with a full musician (rock n´ roll) lifestyle, with no regards to family, education, and quite frankly, they´re running a pretty short minded strategy in regards to putting big financial values into the band (it´s become a commitment I´m struggling to afford, quite frankly!), which I have doubts believing will be returned.
I wish the best for those guys in fulfilling the dream of their lives, but realise that my goals are different, and that I need to move on.

We´re practicing again on wednesday, and I think I want to break it to them then.
How should I approach this? I figured I want to do it face-2-face (mail or Facebook?? Heck no, that´s no sign of respect...) - but I´m struggling to figure out how to do it smoothly.
Should I just break it at the very start of the session, before we start playing, or should I just act casual, give us one last kickass practing, and then tell it while packing it all up...?

Further on, besides showing respect and being honest about how I feel, I would really appriciate anyone´s input on how to do this in the most gentle and sensitive way, since this means so incredibly much to them after all...

Thanks in advance guy, and hoping for some good replies to help me out
That's an amazing, well thought out post. Respect.

There's no "easy" way out, and feelings will be hurt, and there may be bitterness, but that's on them, not you. I'll tell you what I did with a band, that was gigging 4x every weekend and we were booked 2 years out. Imagine making the personal decision to call it quits and them unable to gig. There were absolutely NO guitarists that could come in and just "learn" the songs that I was playing or my parts. They called me the anti-guitar hero, because what I was playing was so beyond most people. Try playing Earth Wind and Fire for a 5 piece band, or Brothers Johnson Strawberry Letter 23 with Lee Ritenours shedding solo at the end, or Who's that Lady by the Isley Brothers and switch to Me And Mrs Jones, Incubus, Steely Dan and Dave Matthews in the same gig! Not here in South Texas. We owned this state. We even turned heads in Austin, and that's not something that's easy to do!

So, recognizing the hardship, that I'd be causing the band - how were they going to play with a drummer, singer, bassist and sax players? I offered them an exit "timeline". I told them that I'd stay with them for 2 months and train/teach/mentor my replacement. I ended up staying with them for 4 months because it took that long for the guitarist to actually learn 30 of the 80 songs that we did, and even then he shucked off and "bubba'ed" the parts until they didnt sound like the song, but by that point, that was on the band that was left, to make sure this guy buckled down.

Bottom line, its been 12 years and they are still a band. That guitar player didn't cut it very long, the material was too deep, and they ultimately had to retire lots of things I used to do with them, as no one else they found could do it, and they did need to reinvent themselves over time. But, they survived adapted and kept their gigs, and I was able to help them move forward. Relationships and respect stayed strong, and remain that way to this day. Theyve tried to reel me back in over the years, and I get the "I miss when you guys used to play X song" comments even still, but I just smile and say, those were great days, and a lot of awesome memories, and I'm happy to have been a part of them.


Last edited by Sean0913 at Jun 16, 2014,
Quote by PSimonR
Turn up with a new bass player who want to join the band and you have already taught half the songs to.

This. That's basically how John Frusciante did it and that worked out great
If you leave them high and dry right before recording an album they are going to HATE you.

That's why you should find, and train a replacement for yourself before leaving so they can keep going. If you do that, they will stay on good terms with you assuming they are normal people.

I would tell them at the end of the jam, let them know you will do your best to find a suitable replacement in x amount of months, and you will remain part of the band until a replacement is found (within x amount of months).

I would tell them before finding a replacement though, and see how they react.

If they completely lose their shit, you can retract your offer to find a replacement and remain a part of the band until they apologize for their outburst, since it is going to be a LOT of extra work for you.

They have no right to act that way towards you because ultimately, leaving is in both you and the bands best interest if your goals differ.
Quote by The Spoon
Unless you're sure she likes you, telling her you like her has a 110% chance of failing.

But hey, at least you have a 10% chance of absolutely guaranteeing failure.
Yeah... Don't just say you are leaving today. Say that you have considered leaving the band and try to find them a good replacement bassist. If you are recording soon, maybe tell them that you could play on the album (if you haven't found a replacement before it) and then leave. If you aren't that important part of the band (I'm not saying you aren't important), it's not going to be that bad and I'm sure nobody will get mad at you. But if you were the main songwriter or something like that, it would be different. Based on your post you kind of sounded a bit more like somebody you could find in for example Ozzy Osbourne's band. You are an official member but not somebody that couldn't be replaced (I'm not dissing you of course). I mean, Ozzy's band has had many different bassists and nobody really even cares who plays the bass for Ozzy - not saying that the bassist isn't important but for most people it doesn't matter whether it's Geezer or Trujillo or somebody else playing the bass.

I'm just saying I don't think you are a member that couldn't be replaced without destroying the band. Find a good replacement bassist and I'm sure your band will be OK with you leaving.
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