#1
So here I am again. A friend of mine asked me to write lyrics for one piece of instrumental she wrote. She's a piano player, in a folky/70s style, Joni Mitchell-like, and the instrumental the sent me is very laid back and downtempo. She wants some simple lyrics to be able to emphazise a lot and to put the focuse on the music itself. So I wrote something about a common friend we had. Just wanted to know if there's something I should change :

Money (going to change that title 'cause it's ****in cheesy)

We got no money to live
Can't afford to pay a rent
So he's working as a thief
I got no money to leave

We live in a trailer downtown
Where I get drunk all day
I've got my friends around
And it's only fun and play

We got no money to feed
So sometimes he hits me
In the trailer I spend my days
I'm always high on something

My money could slip away
I wouldn't care
In the night when he holds me
He says :"love me, love me"

We got no money to live
All the city wants to retch
Love me love me
Love me love me

The wind would carry me out
If I could get sober once
But I got no money
I spend it all on whisky

My pockets are as empty
As his heart is wealthy
Of his love for me
My pockets are as empty
As my heart and mind are empty

Love me love me
Love me love me once
Love me love me please
Love me love me

(Amen, amen)
Last edited by LorenzoAndMe at Jun 20, 2014,
#2
Really liked this. I really liked how the 'love me, love me' was incorporated throughout the song, the execution and the way it was done (as I'm reading it like a reprise near the end) was really nice and well thought out. I also liked how the mood seemed to pivot and get more concentrated at (and following) the third stanza. Good work!