#1
with rain pattering down the windshield,
a cool dampness coming out the AC vents,
i glance to the side at a stop light:
nothing in this city feels familiar.
#2
i think i like this.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#4
i'm not sure how i feel about this. i was trying to limit myself to 4 lines and to express the belongingless-ness. a sort of alienation from place. i am not sure this is successful.
#5
Quote by hippieboy444
i'm not sure how i feel about this. i was trying to limit myself to 4 lines and to express the belongingless-ness. a sort of alienation from place. i am not sure this is successful.


i would feel good about this.

why did you trying to limit yourself to four lines?

the sense of alienation was captured very well.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#6
i wanted to limit myself simply for the challenge. i wanted to try and see how muych i could capture in 4 lines.
#7
I think the first two lines are a little too similar given how little you're trying to work with. The images in both convey much of the same (dampness or wetness, and that the speaker is probably in a car). I prefer the AC vents.
#8
the last line flows awkwardly to me, just a bit wordy or something. I can appreciate the attempt, I still long for just a little more purpose despite the brevity.
#9
I like this but the beginning seems a bit too detailed for what you're trying to get at.

Honestly, the length would be interesting as only the last two lines.
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