#1
im scared that i have a lot to do
but that i have a whole lot more
to go to waste

im scared that i'll put the wrong things
in boxes when the moving vans come
or that i'll pack it all

im scared because when he gave his lecture:
pagiat's writings on object permanence
i didn't learn anything

im scared that this is the unstoppable force
im scared that this is the immovable object
#2
i like the overall arc to this. much of what you're alluding to is good, but how you're saying it could be cleaned up. to me, the image of each stanza could be developed much more. i particularly liked the moving/putting-things-in-wrong boxes idea: if you built upon that into a longer and more intensive stanza, it would make the overall sentiment more impactful.

perhaps you could be more specific as to the emotion that you are expressing. it seems somewhat vague and understated at the moment, which can be good sometimes (a la Hemmingway) but i still think you could add much more to your good ideas.

also, welcome! haven't seen you around. thanks for the post.
Last edited by hippieboy444 at Jun 27, 2014,
#3
this was all in five minutes the other day and i'll definitely come back to it and sand out rough edges but it was just kind of something i needed to do to, im trying to get better about making something tangible instead of just wallowing in shit

and thanks! i've been here a while but not been active for ages