#1
I've been doing a lot of thinking about things they don't want me to think about. These thoughts are amazing and beautiful in every way but I was forced to seek mental help because it is apparently wrong to think of these things.

As soon as I called the number given to me by a police officer, I unknowingly became a target for one of the biggest cash scams in the history of this planet.

My laptop turned into a machine of death as my curiosity grew...

It showed me repulsive things, that the corporation I am employed to, was doing to our town.

Such as the disposal of toxic radioactive waste products.

A particular chemical came to my computer as something that I tried to run through the command prompt.

It started to beep like in Starcraft, when a Terran ghost plants a nuke.

Now I am forever traumatized by thoughts of what would have happened had I not aborted this command prompt.

My theory is that I would have been transported through my laptops screen into virtual reality.

Mental health burned it into my head that it was because I smoke too much weed, so I virtually quit that and started taking these pills they gave me.

But unfortunately... the pills do nothing but shut off my brain and force me into a dreamless sleep.

I am still as miserable and bitter as ever and all I want is for this torture to end.

I am afraid to tell the people at mental health the truth because there is a picture of an insane asylum on the wall in the waiting room...

They do all of this to make sure they don't lose their job security because they make money off of peoples mental suffering.

This illogical ass-backward system has warped my freshly developed adult brain into something unrecognisable.

Now everyone who cares about me thinks that I am either going to kill myself or someone else if I have a toke.

But for some reason...

I only feel this rage while sober. So now I am going to have to smoke more cigarettes and drink more alcohol to compensate even though I don't like smoking and drinking.

Help?
#4
Quote by BurgundyGrandAm

Now everyone who cares about me thinks that I am either going to kill myself or someone else if I have a toke.

I wonder why that is...
Quote by TheSennaj
And well yes, I'll enjoy the carpal tunnel and tendonitis, because trying to get one is clearly smarter than any word you have spoken thus far.
#6
There are a lot of wise words here.
Thank you all of you.
I've actually become addicted to rambling endlessly about things that I believe to be true.
They've actually been very helpful with getting me through this awful ordeal.
I was most surprised when they found something that actually worked for me.

Just started my refill last night so waking up this morning was a bit of an adjustment for me.
The most important thing is to have moderation and knowledge when it comes to chemicals.
#8
you've just opened up the minds eye and noticed how ****ed up the world truly is, don't worry, I need to get ****ed up all the time.
hide your kids, hide your wife.

Quote by angus_young_32
I'd rather kill myself than commit suicide.


UG Hatecrew FTW
#9
TS, be more specific. what's your diagnosis and what drugs are they feeding you?
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
#11
You need to stop typing like this.

Putting a space between all of your sentences.

Like your writing a poem.

Your entire post is really cryptic and somewhat confusing.

You sound like a paranoid schizophrenic or your just really ****ed up.

You should probably quit drugs, smoking, and drinking.
#12
Some form of schizophrenia and teva-olanzipine or something like that.
I'm gonna talk about getting off of them at my next appointment because my brain's telling me to.
And I don't appreciate spending the rest of my life giving pharmacies money for dream suppressants.
#13
Quote by BurgundyGrandAm
Some form of schizophrenia and teva-olanzipine or something like that.
I'm gonna talk about getting off of them at my next appointment because my brain's telling me to.

breh
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
#14
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia as well four years ago, also wanted to get off the medication and didn't realise I was ill no matter how many people told me

just do what the doctor tells you and you'll definitely be better soon
Last edited by libertines4ever at Jul 6, 2014,
#15
Quote by Burgery
breh



TS, I must say though, ever since I first saw you start posting, you've quickly become one of the most interesting users.
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#17
If you fathom the world for its true face virtue, the globalization, the symbolism effecting our youth, and the bigger pictures, the transparency of the mass media, you need to either become infatuated with material objects to find self-worth, or use a denial process to not want to believe in the truth. How does hard work and dedication for corporations value you, when someone richer than you is making more than yourself for your efforts? Some people blame democrats, some people blame republicans, smart people see through politics. *puts tin foil hat back on*
hide your kids, hide your wife.

Quote by angus_young_32
I'd rather kill myself than commit suicide.


UG Hatecrew FTW
Last edited by bloodycomfort at Jul 6, 2014,
#18
Quote by Baby Joel


TS, I must say though, ever since I first saw you start posting, you've quickly become one of the most interesting users.


Right? I thought he was a crazy old guy

Still not convinced he isn't old
My God, it's full of stars!
#19
also TS, its true what they're saying about the weed. Schizophrenic people shouldn't smoke it


I really don't like telling people they shouldn't smoke weed
banned
#20
I most definitely smoked way too much when was young.

Like everyone I went to school with, we did not take seriously nor understand anything the teachers tried to tell us when it came to drugs.
We just laughed them off and smoked ourselves stupid simply because they told us not to.
What we failed to realize was that being high 100 percent of the time is what destroys ones brain.

One must let the brain regenerate before one can become high again... No matter what the drug.

And sometimes

I

enjoy separating paragraphs...
With extra space so it doesn't look like a big black s*** on the screen.

Sorry if that bothers you...

Poetry is cool!
#22
I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds pretty rough. What dose of olanzapine are you on? The tiredness/drowsiness you might be feeling while on them could be dose-dependent. You could try asking about a dose reduction (assuming you aren't already on the lowest dose).

Interesting thing about smoking is that it can cause olanzapine to be metabolized faster, thereby requiring you to take a higher dose of it. This leads to potentially increased side effects. Also, about a year ago, some guy I knew with schizophrenia killed himself - I don't know if weed was involved, but I know he smoked it. I know, in general, that cannabis use is associated with more severe symptoms.

Also these things:

Quote by libertines4ever
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia as well four years ago, also wanted to get off the medication and didn't realise I was ill no matter how many people told me

just do what the doctor tells you and you'll definitely be better soon


Quote by deadsmileyface
also TS, its true what they're saying about the weed. Schizophrenic people shouldn't smoke it


I really don't like telling people they shouldn't smoke weed
#23
Quote by RedDeath9
I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds pretty rough. What dose of olanzapine are you on? The tiredness/drowsiness you might be feeling while on them could be dose-dependent. You could try asking about a dose reduction (assuming you aren't already on the lowest dose).

Interesting thing about smoking is that it can cause olanzapine to be metabolized faster, thereby requiring you to take a higher dose of it. This leads to potentially increased side effects. Also, about a year ago, some guy I knew with schizophrenia killed himself - I don't know if weed was involved, but I know he smoked it. I know, in general, that cannabis use is associated with more severe symptoms.

Also these things:


Thanks for the advice man.
Makes more sense then the doctors.


I'm on the lowest dose (5mg) and my biggest problem was getting a refill after my first ones ran out.
It seems they don't like to make it very easy to acquire.
But we've come to the agreement to stick to this dose and I believe it is appropriate.

Officially it's Post-traumatic stress syndrome, to the best of my knowledge.
The joys of workin' in a chemical plant...
#24
Quote by BurgundyGrandAm
Thanks for the advice man.
Makes more sense then the doctors.


I'm on the lowest dose (5mg) and my biggest problem was getting a refill after my first ones ran out.
It seems they don't like to make it very easy to acquire.
But we've come to the agreement to stick to this dose and I believe it is appropriate.

Officially it's Post-traumatic stress syndrome, to the best of my knowledge.
The joys of workin' in a chemical plant...


Thanks, I suppose. I'm studying to be a pharmacist, I guess one of the things we do is translate medical gibberish into layman's terms.

Yeah, aside from being prescription drugs, they also have a pretty high potential for abuse so they're a little more tightly regulated. How many months supply are you getting at one time, right now? Is it one month? Once you're stabilized, I'm pretty sure you could start getting three months at a time.

Damn dude. Sounds fun.
#25
Quote by RedDeath9
Thanks, I suppose. I'm studying to be a pharmacist, I guess one of the things we do is translate medical gibberish into layman's terms.

Yeah, aside from being prescription drugs, they also have a pretty high potential for abuse so they're a little more tightly regulated. How many months supply are you getting at one time, right now? Is it one month? Once you're stabilized, I'm pretty sure you could start getting three months at a time.

Damn dude. Sounds fun.


I got 1 month now.
I have an appointment half way through to see how things are going.

And yeah it is pretty fun having a multi-billion dollar corporation in the palm of your hands.
But at the same time...
With great power comes great responsibility.


And I can see potential for abuse considering that it's one of the antiest of psychotics.
The second day has proven to be much easier than the first.
#26
I know exactly how you feel TS. I would like tho tell you it gets better, but it doesn't.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#27
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
Abstinence beats moderation every time


Try abstaining from oxygen...
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin