#1
.... A Tortoise. In Uganda.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-28197950

Quote by Article
The officer - Charles Onegiu - said the animal entered his home and attacked him while he was enjoying a post-work cup of tea. "I tried to scare it but the tortoise became very aggressive. I took a stick to chase it but it instead became more violent," he told the paper. After attempting to fend off the tortoise with a plastic chair, he said he "instinctively" drew his firearm and shot it dead.


Uganda ain't nothin' to fuck wit'.
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#5
Good thing that tortoise didn't harm a hare on him.
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#6
Sounds like he tried every other method in the book first
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#7
Quote by Neo Evil11
Sounds like he tried every other method in the book first

412.2 Facing an aggressive subject
It is imperative to first use non lethal force, using items including sticks and plastic chairs. After those routes have been atrempted, skip immediately to lethal force and blow that ****er's brains out.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#8
You can joke all you want egraham. But tortoise aren't like normal people. They are a very aggressive bunch of people that will eat you the first chance they get.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#9
A tortoise once attempted to overturn a boat with two other people and myself to provide sustenance for itself and the other varying, wild species of the ocean. It was a frightening experience, but luckily our boat guide chopped him up with the motor in time.

We all enjoyed sea turtle soup the evening and lived happily ever after.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#10
Please tell me it was not the one with the purple head band.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#11
It's obvious the officer wasn't Mario.
Quote by joshua garcia
I was incredibly drunk and only really remember writing a fanfic where ESP was getting porked by a pony.

Quote by guitar0player
I'd honestly fap to anything with a set of genitals as long as I find it aesthetically appealing.
#12
Quote by eGraham
A tortoise once attempted to overturn a boat with two other people and myself to provide sustenance for itself and the other varying, wild species of the ocean. It was a frightening experience, but luckily our boat guide chopped him up with the motor in time.

We all enjoyed sea turtle soup the evening and lived happily ever after.


The fact that tortoise cant swim only serves to highlight how determined this one was to kill.
#14
Quote by Grimshanks
The fact that tortoise cant swim only serves to highlight how determined this one was to kill.

It had a true thirst for blood, it did
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#17
I would genuinely love to see some aggressive turtles that are capable of kicking a man in combat.


Good job I have TMNT on DVD.
When I was eleven I broke the patio window and my mother sued me... She's always been a very aggressive litigator.
#18
Lessen to tortoises across the land... don't get testudy with law enforcement.


I just can't come up with a good pun right now...
Quote by captainsnazz
i don't know whether to laugh or cry

Laugh at the fact that you nearly cried over a tortoise that you never met in your life....
This ends now, eat the goddamn beans!
#21
To be fair, tortoises can be vicious buggers.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#23
Quote by Masquirina
*big snip*

Holy shit dude, put an NSFW warning on those. Good fucking hell!
Join the 7 String Legion!

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Messiaen is Magical


Official Approval
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Mister A.J.
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Mister A.J.
#24
Fair play. I probably would have picked it up by the sides and taken it outside, but okay.

Idk how fast and deadly Uganda's tortoises are compared to America's though.
#26
Quote by losing battle
It's obvious the officer wasn't Mario.
Jumping on turtles is very dangerous. Never follow the examples set by games.
Quote by snipelfritz
You lost me at "Lubricate."

I'm raw, like nature. Nature boy. Big jungle leaves are my cum rags.

Sometimes I fuck a bamboo shoot.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line