#1
Part 1

...
We all have them
Yes even you
Whether we have confronted them, or not
The ghouls, The wraiths, The hollowmen

Demons.

Each attentively guarded
By their submissive owners
In a form of misguided benevolence
Not through selfless love
But through the agape that accompanies inseparability

Each so individual, so circumstantial
Yet tediously generic in their outlet

Mistakenly, we do not cower to the horrors
We walk hand in hand
Joined at the hip

Every step we take, is a step taken by them
As if they were our own personal naughty step
Taken, man handled by the gods
Crushed into the finest of dusts
And sprinkled into the mortar
Of every path
Every
Where.
#3
Yo man, first thing that I notice with this is that the punctuation is a bit inconsistent especially near the start, for example you need a comma after "yes" in the second line. You may also need a colon or some other comparative punctuation after "hollowmen", I don't think it fits the style of the rest of this piece as it is.

I'd like to see you build more on the other subject in this poem, I think it would be interesting if you addressed them more in the same way you do in the second line, it would also make this a more intimate read.

I think you could build more on the play between "selfless love" and "agape", I like there is a lot more that you are not saying but it feels restricted rather than minimalist.

I really like the overall tone you've taken in this, but i think the concept of the "naughty step" doesn't fit the disconnected hindsight.

I also think you could end this more powerfully as the final two lines are almost a repetition of those before, I'd to see you move it somewhere.

Good to read you again man.
#4
Hmmm yeah definitely see what you're saying about the punctuation, it is still something i'm yet to fully conquer.

There are another two (maybe even three) parts to come yet, so i think some of these issues will be made clear when i post the other two, although i see what you mean about the selfless love - agape line

Cheers for the feedback guys! It's really great to get reviews/advice