#1
frog ho.ho.ho.ho.ho.ps in
the reclaim pond

_ _ _ _ _ m_achinenpistollen::dragon
flyfloating on
hayfever.
pollen is zyklon...................
...i felt it in
the staccaccatto tension of the waiting
woods before..................................
.


]mengele/daddy you
bastard: toad marching the
tourists atop the cre_M_atorium
pads to the tri.pb.us. Packing
them into burnT Suitcases.


                                              the out
                                                     pipe of the watertank has rusted through.
                                              the barrel is in
                                                              tact.
                                              daaddyyy. 


                                                       in the sun
                                              on the grassland of birkenau
                                              with the wildflower the hare the
                                              royal blue
                                              i am so glad you are through
                                              and it is beau
                                              tiful[
#2
So I took this away to notepad and just typed my impressions down as they came to me. I'm not sure if it will be helpful. Bear with me.

frog ho.ho.ho.ho.ho.ps in
the reclaim pond

(The pond is reclaimed; family is rid of "daddy")

_ _ _ _ _ m_achinenpistollen::dragon
flyfloating on
hayfever.
pollen is zyklon...................
...i felt it in
the staccaccatto tension of the waiting
woods before..................................
.

("daddy's" anger; "dragon, hayfever" family is pollen, just its existence/proximity is enough to set him off. Zyklon, his wrath. "Waiting woods"; waiting for him to explode.

Alternatively: his power being taken away, he left, he died, etc.
the situation leading to this is his own doing, e.g.; "pollen is zyklon".
Escape, freedom from him; "waiting woods". I like the "staccaccatto/_ _ _ _ _ m_achinepistollen idea. "Flyfloating" is nice as well.)


]mengele/daddy you
bastard: toad marching the
tourists atop the cre_M_atorium
pads to the tri.pb.us. Packing
them into burnT Suitcases.

(Tourists are concerned parties, child services maybe? marching them through house, trying to lead them to believe everything is fine in the household. "burnt suitcases" = lies. Is "m_" in machinepistollen connected to the "_M_" in cre_M_atorium? And the capitalized "T" and "S" from burnT Suitcases", are they connected to the first and last letters of "tri.pb.us", is the space between "burnT" and "Suitcases" suggestive of the "tri.pb.us"? is ".us" separated to imply the "family" is helping the lie and conveying it to the "tourists" Like a bus? Hmm...)

the out
pipe of the watertank has rusted through.
the barrel is in
tact.
daaddyyy.

(The situation is over, false picture of
family's lives to the outside world is
replaced with reality; "pipe rusted through".
Family is healing, maybe the break between
in and tact suggests they are either in
counselling or just getting better on
their own?)

in the sun
on the grassland of birkenau
with the wildflower the hare the
royal blue
i am so glad you are through
and it is beau
tiful[

(Again, situation is better now.
I could be reading too much into
these word separations, but is the "beau" in "beau/tiful"
suggesting a new father? )


Overall second-thought: Is daddy god and we are the family? Or is that too cliched a reading?
Regardless, I enjoyed having something to dig into, even if I'm miles off the mark with all of it. I like what the style does for the piece - obfuscation is a necessity for good poetry, imo.
#3
overall, i enjoy this, but the first two stanzas dont connect as strongly as they ought with the last two. i like the *vibe* of the intro, but i feel like it bears too weak a relation to where the poem ends. maybe you could start stronger (though i truly love both parts; maybe you have two poems here?)

my only gripe was "ddaaaddyy". that bugs me; personal taste though.

glad to read this. i was hoping to read some of your stuff again soon. thanks for posting.
#4
Thanks for looking in guys.

youknowwhyimhere, I always find this kind of in depth reading incredibly interesting - thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to do so.

hippieboy, I'm thinking of employing more space to separate out those two stanzas from the rest, they do almost feel like a different piece but I think they need to be together because of the unifying context if that makes sense. Thanks for the kind words, I've accumulated quite a few pieces during the past month (I've been travelling so unable to post them) which I'm slowly digitalising.