#2
the pinnacle of weirdness for your recent pieces certainly. i couldn't say if this is working against you - i think i'd have to physically hold it and read it to determine it (some of your handwriting is indiscernible to me; though your's is much much better than mine).

i think what i appreciate most here is the sentiment: examining what 'home' is and how it defines us as people. it's something i learned a lot about in the past year (for various reasons). i think the last line well sums it up: 'i am / defined / by it.' i quite like that.
the imagery may be a bit too related to Amsterdam (or what might as well be amsterdam? i've never been. you from there?) and maybe some more divergent images could add depth. but then again, you're pretty far out with the formatting, so maybe keeping the reigns a bit tighter on the images is not a bad move.

i enjoy this. i wish i could hold a more precise copy in my hands. i can't imagine what getting this into a word processor would require.

thanks for posting.

EDIT: you must of recently visited Amsterdam ('what would it be like to be born here?'). i'm *looking* at grad school there maybe...but i have years to figure that out still.
Last edited by hippieboy444 at Aug 3, 2014,
#3
Quote by hippieboy444
the pinnacle of weirdness for your recent pieces certainly. i couldn't say if this is working against you - i think i'd have to physically hold it and read it to determine it (some of your handwriting is indiscernible to me; though your's is much much better than mine).

i think what i appreciate most here is the sentiment: examining what 'home' is and how it defines us as people. it's something i learned a lot about in the past year (for various reasons). i think the last line well sums it up: 'i am / defined / by it.' i quite like that.
the imagery may be a bit too related to Amsterdam (or what might as well be amsterdam? i've never been. you from there?) and maybe some more divergent images could add depth. but then again, you're pretty far out with the formatting, so maybe keeping the reigns a bit tighter on the images is not a bad move.

i enjoy this. i wish i could hold a more precise copy in my hands. i can't imagine what getting this into a word processor would require.

thanks for posting.

EDIT: you must of recently visited Amsterdam ('what would it be like to be born here?'). i'm *looking* at grad school there maybe...but i have years to figure that out still.


amsterdam is really not as great as people from other countries seem to think
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500
#4
The way the piece branches out from the five-pointed shape near the center gives the whole thing a strong resemblance to a map of a city, which agrees wonderfully with the content.

It is also very much a piece that forces us to wander. I found my eye initially guided from "nationality on my shoulders," along the top right corner, and down to the "bisickle" line. Though it also makes sense to start at that five-pointed epicenter and just go down the different streets, see what we find.

I think you can do more with the rabbit lines. The part about the mangy rabbit seems disconnected with the rest of the piece, which seems more observational and concerned with self-origin or self-definition than it is with memory. "The rabbits are sobold here" is too vague for me to make that jump into specific memory with you.
Last edited by brokencoastline at Aug 6, 2014,
#5
Thanks for giving this a read over.


hippieboy, I think I certainly need to fill out some more of those images to give some more clarity, but when writing this I was restrained by the paper - I'm not sure if i should strive to work better within it or just move to a larger canvas so to speak. As you guessed this is from a recent visit to Amsterdam and i think it's ended up as too much of a jumble of observation and just how I was feeling at the time.

I think I could nearly replicate something similar to this on some kind of visual editing/graphics software, but I'm not sure if I want to. This piece is sort of a stepping stone between most of my writing and more organic visuals I've done recently, and I think those work better just as a completely unedited original: I wouldn't even try and edit them.


BjarnedeGraaf, I can certainly see what you mean by that. I felt that it was a city caught up in its drug tourism, not to mention the god awful red light district.


broikencoastline, maybe I do need to say a bit more about rabbits, I think I did skip a major section of my thought process.


I wasn't sure how well this formatting would come across just from a picture, as hippieboy said it does need to be in front of you to work best (partially because of my shoddy writing).
#6
Quote by doubtfulsalmon
Thanks for giving this a read over.


hippieboy, I think I certainly need to fill out some more of those images to give some more clarity, but when writing this I was restrained by the paper - I'm not sure if i should strive to work better within it or just move to a larger canvas so to speak. As you guessed this is from a recent visit to Amsterdam and i think it's ended up as too much of a jumble of observation and just how I was feeling at the time.

I think I could nearly replicate something similar to this on some kind of visual editing/graphics software, but I'm not sure if I want to. This piece is sort of a stepping stone between most of my writing and more organic visuals I've done recently, and I think those work better just as a completely unedited original: I wouldn't even try and edit them.


BjarnedeGraaf, I can certainly see what you mean by that. I felt that it was a city caught up in its drug tourism, not to mention the god awful red light district.


broikencoastline, maybe I do need to say a bit more about rabbits, I think I did skip a major section of my thought process.


I wasn't sure how well this formatting would come across just from a picture, as hippieboy said it does need to be in front of you to work best (partially because of my shoddy writing).


Definitely, Amsterdam in a nutshell! Also I'm sorry I didn't review your work I thought it was great but I'm not a good writer so I feel like it's best to enjoy the reads and not review it. I have no experience in this kind of writing. Thought it was awesome though
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500