#1
You can't keep me locked up forever
just to keep me close to you
lost and lonely in the darkness
like a penis without a view

A fine line between love and obsession
when sex is all I am to you
so afraid I'll leave you forever
even though other guys have one too

I keep thinking it will get better
and someday you'll let me breathe
but your chokehold only gets tighter
your knuckles white and angry

Claustrophobia taking over
your ears deaf to what I say
feeling smothered and defeated
I can't live my life this way

the blade like chrome is shining
turning red right into you
opening your neck up like a zipper
now this penis has a view
Last edited by swiftyclown at Aug 7, 2014,
#2
'penis with a view' is a hilarious line. i don't know if you're trying to have a slightly caustic wit to this, but it comes across that way to me. i like it. not sure about the last stanza, although part of me likes the implied comparison between slitting someone's throat and deepthroating.
#3
Quote by hippieboy444
'penis with a view' is a hilarious line. i don't know if you're trying to have a slightly caustic wit to this, but it comes across that way to me. i like it. not sure about the last stanza, although part of me likes the implied comparison between slitting someone's throat and deepthroating.


Ha thanks.
The idea of the line "penis without a view" started out as a joke really. Then it naturally morphed into comparing the loneliness a penis must feel -trapped inside underwear all day- to being in a relationship with a controlling gf (or bf for those of you that are into that) that has you on lockdown. I was accidentally writing about my ex....except I didn't kill her in real life lol. She is still very much alive and happy with her husband.

Thanks for reading and replying. Replies seem hard to come by in here lol. The ratio of views to replies in each thread is insane.
I enjoy laughing, playing guitar, vaginas and basketball.
#4
This is my least favorite of your writing but it's ok.

I like it up until the last stanza. Took a sharp (no pun intended) dark turn. I thought it was about masturbation lol and then you lost me with the blade talk.
Jimmy cracked corn and I did care.