#1
crit4crit
(The exercise/exorcise at the end are supposed to be interchangeable. Meaning either one would fit in that line. Didn't know how to type different words which supposed to be said at the same time though. Anyone who could help me with that, I'd appreciate it.)

TEETER TOTTER

A light at the end of the tunnel
I'm the wind that blows out the candle
Rushing down the rusted track
Like an iron black behemoth
Delivering civil war armaments
Inconspicuously in the night
So that you might defend against
The thrashing of your sleeping children

For they are lashing at their nightmares
Open their eyes to find their parents are
The vengeful spirits that scare them
Once you held them so tenderly
Like a mother holds her child
Now you are a succubus
Who suffocates them with a smile

But keep on telling yourself
That you were made in God's image
When I know you're made in mine
So full of pride and ambition
For a throne you won't ever reach
Always on your knees for those you hate
But go ahead continue please
To be a servant in His kingdom
Amen, amen I say to you
I will help exorcise/true freedom
/exercise
#2
First off, I'm not an expert about writing so take this lightly. I don't enjoy a line that starts with "For". I know 9 out of 10 people see nothing wrong with it- I'm just weird I guess.

I read this over a few times and I do think it's good just not completely sure what it's about. I really like the part about the thrashing children having nightmares basically of their parents.
I enjoy laughing, playing guitar, vaginas and basketball.