The song isn't complete but it will soon be
I hope you like it

Verse 1

My old friends were just rude to me
They bullied me
But for me
It made me
Cool you see
It felt like I was part of a crew you see
But deep down I knew they didn't notice me
The hopeless me
The copeless me
Couldn't focus, they be
Hatin' me
When I be
Spitting rhymes that they can't beat
Thats why I left to be
All alone
By my own
With nothing but just rhymes and headphones
So now a days I just roam
In the corridors with a hot verse but it's ice cold as snow
My rhymes were just a different tone
No one ever heard it so
They told me to go

A couple of months later
Still walking around like a hungry alligator
Wanting to feast on a record deal
So I can end up paying the bill
So I can have three times a day a fulfilling meal
So I can release these rhymes that is sealed
In me so you can feel the pain that I feel


Every Day
On the Mic I had nothing to say
Because whatever I said did made the people go away
Because they didn't wanna listen to a sobby story
Because who'd wanna listen to a guy who's been coming to the booth every Morning
Sad things back then was way too boring
They'd rather listen to a poor guy bragging about how he be touring
They'd rather listen the beat a fat guys makes when his snoring
If I hit the number one charts with a sad song they'd ignore me


Having a hard life
Is a pain in the ass
But as long as you got Christ
You'll be able to past any test
But right now it feels like he gave up on me
Maybe he doesn't want me to become an Mc
But look on this track I'm doing just fine
I never did a crime
Except for murder rhymes
I guess it's time, to rewind
And go back to my first line
Last edited by PresidentPotent at Aug 20, 2014,
For quick passages, straight up rhymes can often get a bit clunky. Are you familiar with slant rhymes? Check out near/slant rhymes and how they're applied by a lot of rappers. It can make your work seem much more conversational.
Nicely used the words the way of writing the lyrics was nice. Also, you have written many sections in the poem. You said that the poem is yet to complete. Looking forward to see the complete version of the poem.
Looking ahead for a complete version of the poem which will be very helpful for me to give you a complete review.