#1
I worked really hard on this one, and I hope you will take some minutes out of your day to look it over and critique it.


What will it take to get you back on your feet?
You lost your will and now you're losing your sleep
My good intentions are all wasted on you
What good would trying do you?
Trying is all you can do,

I do not think that this is anyone's fault
It's not my business to make sense of it all
I came here looking for a life, and you came here too.
What good would trying do you?
Trying is all you can do

You sat there waiting all night, but nobody came.
No handsome savior coming in from the rain
No steady hand to straighten everything out.
He's just the same as me, he's never around

I do not claim that I am always so strong
You've seen me falter, and you've seen me undone
Don't add your spite to the load we're dragging uphill
Rough times won't rock our boat, but, our meanness surely will

You sat there waiting all night, but nobody came.
No handsome savior coming in from the rain
No steady hand to straighten everything out.
He's just the same as me, he's never around
#4
Yes, not much to say about it this. Clicks like a lock.
"I do not... meanness surely will" might be my favourite part. The second line of that block has a lovely rhythm.

All I might say, is that there's nothing that really grabs your attention, nothing unexpected or revolutionary. But not every song needs it.

Keep it up
#5
Yes the song is written very well. The words and phrases are placed well and it is very much nice to read the lines in a same rhythm.
#7
There is a good flow between each line. Definitely I can say that you are great writer and you can achieve something in your life. How long you are taken to finish this poem? really interesting. Keep it up!!
#8
"He's just the same as me, he's never around" My favorite line in a very well executed song, nice job.
#10
Haven't been on this site for a long time. Thanks for all the nice feedback

Hope I'm not bumping this thread or anything..
Thanks again!
#15
Fantastic work!
Guitar/Bass:
Schecter: Damien 6/Stilletto Extreme 5, Squier: Bullet HSS*, Washburn RX10*/WG-587, Agile Septor 727
*mods

Amps/FX
Peavey: Vypyr 30/Max 112 (200W), ISP: Decimator

Quote by dannyalcatraz
Understood- I waste money on amps*, too.

justinguitar.com is the answer