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#1
What would you use instead?
It's over simplified, So what!

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#2
Newspaper, napkins, my dog, my cat, a pizza box, jury summons, subpoena

all of these are usually in arms reach when I'm squeezing out a turd
bawitaba a bang a bang diggy diggy diggy sed the boogie sed up jump the boogie
#3
Napkins.

Or I'd probably just wash it all off in the shower. I wouldn't enjoy it, but if times were to ever get that hard....
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Sometimes I fuck a bamboo shoot.


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Just barreling dogs and barking trains
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#7
ha-HA lemme answer yer question with a question here brother. Have ya ever been around back to the carwash splish-splosh galosh keep going mister Bosh oh my gosh? I'm talking the full on salad dressing, no second guessing just keep pressing & caressing until I'm makin' a messin! Lemme tell ya brother, once they get ya get started on the good ol' pleasin' and teasin' yer waste squeezin' demon, there's no going back. You'll get hooked faster than I blow my load after ya place yer lips on the crevice between my hips (hint: VERY FAST) make me drip baby YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT BOO-YA




#11
Quote by RylanThePotato
Newspaper, napkins, my dog, my cat, a pizza box, jury summons, subpoena

all of these are usually in arms reach when I'm squeezing out a turd


do you shit in your k1tchen/yard/front of mailbox/etc.?

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#13
I've used coffee filters before, works in a pinch. Although they do make ur butthole itch afterwards.
#14
leaves because im assuming this means im out in the wilderness rather than being too poor to wipe my arse.
#15
My dogs face
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#17
Quote by Jon777
You can't wipe your ass with your dignity, silly

You can shit all over it though.

I would use a bidet.
#20
Quote by slapsymcdougal
Or tissues. Would probably be best, since they'd likely break up the same way bog roll does.

Of course they would, they're the same thing aren't they? Toilet paper is tissue paper, isn't it?


But in answer to your questions TS: anything paper, really.

In a club once, the air was thick and sweaty that the toilet paper was sodden, meaning that when you tried to pull it out of the dispenser it just broke. There was more toiler paper, but trapped inside the dispenser... Now this club was usually a music venue and thought itself a bit trendy, so the toilet walls were covered with gig posters. I had to rip down a gig poster and use that.
Can't remember the band, unfortunately.
#22
Only hypothetical? Consider yourself a lucky man TS.

I would always go to ******* paper as 2nd option. If that's not available, then hop into the shower and wash that anus clean.

edit lol^^ "Cuisine paper"

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#24
A swan's neck. What else?
On playing the Paul Gilbert signature at the guitar store extensively, my missus sighed:
"Put it down now, It's like you love that guitar more than me!"
In Which I replied.
"Well it has got two F-Holes!"
#25
A bidet.

I hardly use toilet paper anyway...
Name's Luca.

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#27
A while ago I ran out of toilet paper and needed to go, so I just hopped in the shower after.
It worked, but it's not something I want to do every time.

Have also used baby wipes before, but i've heard you can't flush those.
#28
In those situations I tear my T-shirt into pieces and use it as toilet paper. The reason you do that is because most often you probably need several wipes in order to avoid shit stains in your boxers. If you keep your shirt in one piece then you'd need to be really good at origami otherwise you'd end up with shit all over your ass and hand.

Edit: If you didn't mean like in an emergency situation, but more of a proper substitute of toilet paper then some kind of nice soft fabric would work great. Maybe something bio degradable.
Last edited by MetalMullet at Aug 30, 2014,
#29
Quote by MetalMullet
In those situations I tear my T-shirt into pieces and use it as toilet paper. The reason you do that is because most often you probably need several wipes in order to avoid shit stains in your boxers. If you keep your shirt in one piece then you'd need to be really good at origami otherwise you'd end up with shit all over your ass and hand.

Edit: If you didn't mean like in an emergency situation, but more of a proper substitute of toilet paper then some kind of nice soft fabric would work great. Maybe something bio degradable.

So you prefer ripping your shirt to threads over cleaning your boxers?
#31
Any kind of paper would do tissue paper, paper towel, computer paper, construction paper, rolling paper, paper bags, paper planes
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#33
Quote by MadClownDisease
So you prefer ripping your shirt to threads over cleaning your boxers?


Yes, I prefer being clean to moping around with shit in my boxers. It's totally worth a t-shirt, especially because it doesn't happen that often.
#35
Worst case scenario, de-clothe and rinse off my ass in the shower.

If I'm not home there is no scenario because I don't poop in public, and especially not before checking for shit wipes.
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#36
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Better be careful with those claws, man.

i have them trimmed regularly
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