#1
In the heat of the night
I quietly looked for the knife
that was hid under my bed
for the last eight years.

Another darkest hour
devoid of reason
and hindsight.
God loves no one -
If you must insist
that love exists.

My spirit man died nameless
by autumn.
The hypothetical wife did not mourn;
the valediction of a schizo.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Sep 3, 2014,
#2
Wow, powerful lyrics! The first verse is excellent. The second verse lacks flow in my opinion. I imagine it's difficult to work hindsight into a song, especially at the end of a line. I really, really like the line, "my spirit man died nameless" but I'm bamboozled by the rest. I wouldn't mind reading more.
#3
Those last two lines do awesome things for the rest of the piece. The hypothetical wife, and then you go back and you think about the questioning of whether love exists; so this person made up an unreal wife(a huge stretch), but then questions the existence of love. So they're able to make up their own wacko things, but can't accept one of the most universally common make-believe feelings known to man.

One thing I was confused about was the timeline, like when the first stanza is happening in relation to the third.

This is good, very interesting
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#4
I'm stumbling on "that was hid under my bed", I think it could do with more control as you've employed in the rest of the piece, it might specifically be "hid under" that's the problem, maybe there's a single verb/preposition that would serve?

"God loves no one - ..." is one of my favourite ideas from you, and I've always wondered what the idea of god means in your poems, aside from the literal meaning, is it the idea of submission to an inexplicable order? I only ask as it is a word I have used occasionally in my writing also.

Really love how you bring this to a close, that's a powerful idea to end on.
#7
The rhyming in the first paragraph is lowered or I could not find any rhyming sense in the second and third paragraph. It seems some what good to study.